I used to post on here all the time but I stopped because summer came and I was distracted by vacation and friends. But I really wanted to come back on here for advice. I’m not even sure how to explain the whole thing because it is something that explains my whole life. I was having a long talk with my cousin when I realized something about my life. Basically, my parents have been very uninvolved in my life. My dad has a very high position in a company so he is always working. He helps out here and there with my homework when he can, but I am not close with him. My mom is home all the time but she deals with a lot of problems such as depression and anxiety. She also grew up in a pretty abusive household, so my mom is constantly trying to deal with her problems and never learned “good parenting” from her mom. Neither of my parents have been around to guide me or my siblings. I always knew this but didn’t think it was a big deal. I didn’t realize the true impact that this had on my life. All I had to do was google “the uninvolved parenting style effects on children” and everything just made sense. Some of the things said in one particular article seem to explain my life to a T, so I am going to copy and paste some quotes:

“Girls become emotionally weak as they never had a strong support from anyone and fail in relationships in future. They yearn for constant love” – I’ve always let my boyfriend walk over me and never had the strength to break up with him. I believe some of that can be explained by the lack of guidance and lack of support my parents provided me.

“As there is no direction or adult supervision, children cannot develop their personality like those in other forms of parenting do. They simply flow with the tide.” – I’ve been told I have no personality by some people. While I 100% believe I do have a personality, I know what these people meant. I just go with the flow when with most people. I am always unsure of myself and never take charge.

“They have a heightened sense of fear, anxiety and stress as they never get the emotional support of their parents to tide over such feelings.” – I always thought I may have anxiety as I am constantly in fear. Maybe this can explain why I feel so fearful and stressed all the time.

“They become socially aloof, and find it difficult to respond and react to others and may turn to be extreme introverts” – this explains me in every way. I have learned to be social but it took a lot of effort and practice. I am still an extreme introvert and am very aloof in most social situations.

“As parents pay no attention, children cannot choose a right path for themselves. The child ends up being disillusioned and sometimes seeks others’ advice for making decisions. A lack of understanding of the boundaries could make him anti-social”

A lot of these quotes describe who I am today. But I have put in so much work to overcome these things without knowing the root cause. My cousin (who I am very close with) is only a year older than me but she has put in a lot of effort in raising me. I was talking about this with her last night, and she admitted to me that she always tried to do her best to give me guidance as she knew my parents were not always around for me. She always jokingly says to me ,”I raised you well” and I always jokingly say to her, “you are my life coach.” But I never realized that her guidance is honestly the only guidance I have ever had. Obviously, my friends guide me as well. But my cousin has virtually taken over the entire role of a parent for me. She had to teach me how to work hard, what goals to chase, how to socialize and make friends, how to be assertive, everything. I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else as my words are all over the place, but this 100% makes sense to me. Overall, my parents are uninvolved.

My younger brother is almost 15 now and I am worrying for him. He is making a lot of bad decisions and my dad is always working while my mom has absolutely no idea how to handle it. He is a good kid and I know he is. But because he has no direction, he does whatever his friends want him to do. This has put him in many bad situations. He doesn’t know right from wrong and has little common sense. I just need advice on how to help him. Because he doesn’t have someone close to him to guide him like I did. I’d say he has his friends, but they are just as bad as him. I am not going to go into detail of what trouble my brother has gotten in, but he has lost a lot of friends over it as all the parents now warn their children not to hangout with him. Personally, I think it is the friends who guide my brother to make certain bad decisions. And because my brother was never taught right from wrong, never had to follow any rules at home, and has no guidance from my parents so he does it.