Lilly,

I like the Byron Katie quote, “If you argue with reality, you lose.”  The reality is that your friends don’t check up on you.  That your parents don’t SEE you.  The more you accept that this is the case, then you will not get all depressed about it.

From an online article on Buddhism:
Buddhism claims “Everything in life is temporary, arising and falling away.” Buddhism proposes a model of reality as a stream of events rather than a thing.
Buddhism further claims “Clinging to temporary states causes suffering”. The problem is our tendency to cling to the past being different from the present, or cling to a view of the future that’s different than what we desire.
Buddhism proposes a solution of acceptance: Come to terms with the past being gone, and the future being different from what you might desire. Accept it fully and eradicate suffering.
From the standpoint of the present moment, you can absolutely activate your consciousness and your willpower to wisely respond to the current moment in a way that moves you towards a realistic and positive future.
The great thing is that your friends and family care about you.  They may not show it in the way that you like.

Feels like no one really takes the time to give a crap about me.  It seems that your Love Language is Quality Time.  I suggest two things: 1) Continue to reach out to those who care about you and spend time with them, 2) Find those who also have Quality Time as part of their Love Language.  Just because people don’t show their caring in the same Love Language as you, does not mean they don’t care about you.

Ideally, it would be great if our family “gets” us but alas it cannot always be the case.  I would avoid those who bring negative energy into your life like your grandmother, at least until you are feeling more resourced for yourself.

Mark

• This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by Mark.

Dear Lilly:

I would like to understand that interaction better: last night you said “haha I love you”- were you saying that to your grandmother? And she responded with “no, no you don’t, you’re lying”-

– what did she mean by it (based on your previous interactions with her) and what is the “genuine wake up call” you mentioned?

anita

Dear Lilly:

Yes, I agree, your grandmother emotionally abuses you when she tells you that you don’t love her and then goes out of her way to prove that you don’t love her, listing all the ways…

It reminds me of my mother, she too insisted that I didn’t love her and added, repeatedly, that I was trying to hurt her, and she listed the ways that I allegedly was trying to hurt her, intentionally. It was not at all true and it hurt so much to hear her say those things. I knew it wasn’t true that I was trying to hurt her, but I still believed her somewhat. I was conflicted and confused, hurt and scared and angry, a whole lot.

anita