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I really screwed up…

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  • October 1, 2013 at 12:33 pm #43053
    Ashley
    Participant

    I just left my job yesterday. I worked overnights at a nursing home and for the past month I’ve been sleeping four hours every night I’m there in the staff office. As well as working full-time overnight, I go to class during the day. Before I realized it, I became physically and mentally exhausted. My body hurt, especially my back since I have back problems. I knew a long time ago that I needed to get a day time job. I thought I could balance this work schedule and school. Well, I couldn’t. Sometimes at night while I was sleeping one of the ladies I support would wet herself. I’d be sleeping so I didn’t notice. Laundry started backing up and I was too tired to do much cleaning. Well, my boss and two of my coworkers confronted me yesterday. It really opened up my eyes. I hadn’t thought of myself as being neglectful until my boss told me that not changing that woman was neglect.

    Now all I can think about it how I did that to another human being. I’m the type of person that values life and other people but I actually hurt someone. I can’t stop crying and saying to God “I’m so sorry.”

    I’m reaching out to the forums here because I don’t no where else to place my emotions. I’m angry with myself, depressed and feeling incredibly guilty.

    October 1, 2013 at 4:42 pm #43063
    John
    Participant

    Step back and look at the bigger picture. You already recognize that you’re working your body and mind too hard. If anything this experience can teach you that even you have limits and when your body and mind are not at peace, there are repercussions.

    “Regret doesn’t mean we did badly. It means we can do better.” – Karyn Schultz

    And in this case, I think doing better means taking care of your needs first so that if you need to be in a position to help someone, they’re getting your undivided care and attention.

    We all make mistakes. That’s what life is all about. If we can use that mistake to make things better, grow, and change, then that mistake had a purpose and meaning. Don’t deny it happened, but also don’t allow it to paralyze you. Reflect on and nurture the experience into something new and beautiful. A better and healthier you. 🙂

    October 1, 2013 at 10:45 pm #43095
    Dharmesh Radadiya
    Participant

    Hello Ashley,

    Look Sometimes we do not have any intention to make mistakes but it happens automatically or people look it with different vision so do not cry and dont worry about it bcoz may be something better waiting for you.And Sometimes i feel that God let us to make mistakes so that we can be out of it and look for other oppurtonties as well .

    And mistaks will no more with you if you use it effectively and this will be turning point of your life so don’t think about whtever happened think about what will happen k forget those all things.

    I have seen one case of my Colleague same as you he was fired from job,he cried a lot,blamed his self for those all but he didnt know that it was his turning pint of life.And now you can’t believe He is Heading a Department from where he was fired before 5 years .so don’t worry about that pls i request you to stop crying and start wondering around you for something better than it .

    Tnx
    Dharmesh Radadiya.

    October 2, 2013 at 7:51 am #43111
    Matt
    Participant

    Ashley,

    I agree with John’s heartfelt and pertinent wisdom. Good people do dumb things, and when we are exhausted, our skillfulness and warmth are not available to us, let alone others. You pushed too hard, and now your body is regretful that it became neglectful. To yourself, first and foremost, which lead you to burnout. To her, as she wet herself. Its actually really good that you regret, because it will help you with repentance, or honoring the pain you both experienced by acting differently in the future.

    Consider that all people make mistakes, and that you are saddened by this one means you’re a loving person. If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t hurt. Be at peace friend, forgive yourself. We all make mistakes, even the best of us.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    October 2, 2013 at 1:32 pm #43126
    Alexey Sunly
    Participant

    Your priority should always be your health 🙂 If you can not take care of yourself how can you expect to be able to take care of all other responsibilities? Basically, you need to help to change your current situation by refocusing your priorities. First is your health, then you need to figure out what you need in order to be able to build a good life for yourself – is it the money or education? If both, then find a way to balance them without putting your health at risk. Please, see the following thread to learn the minimum things you need to do to keep yourself healthy 🙂 OVERCOME YOUR DEMONS

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Alexey Sunly.
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