I want to live, not just exist

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    Hi. I married a man from a small town in Missouri nearly 7 years ago. I’m from Colorado and definitely miss the convenience and things to do. I’m not happy here. I think sometimes I made a huge mistake moving from my hometown to here. Besides the lack of things to do, my husband would rather spend every night sitting on the couch, watching the same TV shows then do anything. We have no couple friends besides my sister in law and her husband. I crave being around others while my husband, who in his youth partied all the time, went to concerts,etc has decided he wants to be a hermit. I’m the one who broaches the subject of, let’s go do this or that. He’s not receptive. I feel we’re just two people existing together in the same house. I have a few friends here I go visit, but that’s it. I love him, but he’s unhappy with life. Just sits and watches the world go by while I want to do things, make a difference in the world. I wonder sometimes what to do, stay because I love him or go and enjoy life, because just because the grass seems greener on the other side, maybe it’s not.


    Dear Tey

    I am sorry that you feel stuck.  Yes homesickness & nostalgia are pulling at your heartstrings at the moment along side what seems a lack of motivation from your husband.  I guess some open dialogue needs to happen between you, about both of yours  hopes,  dreams & fears and how you want to grow & nurture the relationship etc. Does your husband suffer from depression or low self esteem or illness? You do not mention your ages. Also many relationships go into the doldrums at about this time span that why its called the 7 year itch.

    Also try to see other options not just the two  stay because I love him or go and enjoy life  surely there is a way to find some joy in Missouri. I think Ghandi said be the change you want to see and maybe encourage baby steps forward with your husband even if it is just to sit out side and share a cup of coffee rather than a 10 mile hike,  taking joy and appreciation in the small things help rather than putting one’s happiness in just the big things.



    Hi, I am married woman, age 34. I am mother  of 2 toddlers. Working and  taking care of my home and kids. It’s been happening to me from past many months, every time I am free I feel that I do not have anything to do in that particular moment. It’s like I am here only to take care of the things around me. When it come to me I feel empty, just existing. I have been try to find what excite me to live every moment of life, to enjoy and look forward but not able to figure out.       This feeling of emptiness just eats me, fulfilling your responsibilities is not living, you need to feel content to live. Feels like it’s chaos in and around, need to find peace to live on..


    Dear Pooja

    I hear pain & tiredness in your comment. It is easy to loose oneself when being the primary caregiver.

    I am a primary caregiver too but at the other end looking after an elderly father ( big nappies instead of small nappies)

    back in June I got my fist 24hrs to my self in 7+ months I was able to do a 24hr prayer practice ( my joy).

    Also booked ( back in May) was 3 day respite for each weekend of August. 3 days before I contacted the care home to confirm time of arrival (of 1st weekend) to be told that there was no room for him and i would not be getting any of my  booked respite this month! It took me a further two & half days to organise a replacement location which was available only for the first weekend and that too could be cancelled before or during my weekend off so I had to stay attached to my mobile phone!. Up shot was that I did not have the time to prepare & organise a retreat for myself and others ( my joy).

    I had to let go of my perceived idea of what would bring me satisfaction and instead worked with the weather and any other opportunities that arrived over the weekend. I got many mini moments of joy, contentment & had time to watch a workshop on non violent communication which was very thought provoking & has given me something to work on in realtime as well as downtime.

    I hope that you will get your needs met soon.

    best wishes



    Hi Roberta,

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and give me some perspective to think.





    That sounds terrible.

    I do have a question….have either of you considered he may be depressed?



    Dear Tay,

    Is there a possibility you can do something you’ll enjoy, without your husband? Maybe join a camera club  or that type of thing, whatever your interests are? Life is too short to sit watching the boob tube. Best wishes to you.


    80% of divorce is initiated by the woman. And many women say that they feel they left the marriage long before they get the divorce. Then, many also say they are not exactly happy after the divorce.

    Feelings of wanting a better life is not new. Everyone wants something better. More things to do. Have that feeling of being excited and alive. Some go for it. Grass is greener. Then regret.

    Life is a journey. Ever sit in a car on a long road trip? It is only when you stop that you can stretch and feel better. Sitting in the car with only your thoughts, it can make one anxious and crazy.

    So, What is the answer? What are we suppose to do? Well, we can not expect some to fulfill our needs and desires. Make us happy. If you’re not happy with yourself then probably won’t happen. Make yourself happy. Do things that bring joy. Personally, I like talking to people and listening. Hope you find what you’re looking for.


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