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Idk what I feel and it makes me anxious

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
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  • #308333

    coconut
    Participant

    Hello.

    These days I’ve been having panic attacks and anxiety at the thought that I don’t love my bf anymore. I don’t want to break up with him, he’s everything to me, but when I’m around him I feel suffocated and that I can’t do this anymore, even though he doesn’t do anything wrong and wants everything to be fine. What is happening to me? Did I lose my feelings for him or it’s just anxiety?

    #308343

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi coconut,

    Just tell him what you told us and that you need a break. He will understand as no one wants to think that they’re suffocating others. After a week or so you should be able to see more clearly see if it’s your feelings for him or anxiety.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by  Inky.
    #308375

    anita
    Participant

    Dear coconut:

    Having read your previous thread, yes, you did lose your loving feelings for your boyfriend. I don’t know which came first: your anxiety or losing your feelings for him, but fact is you lost your feelings for him earlier this year. You feel suffocated in his presence, living with him, means that you feel trapped with him, you don’t want to be living with him.

    You kept stating then and here that you love him (although you don’t feel loving feelings for him), that you don’t want the relationship to end, but a big part of you  does want just that: to end the relationship.

    You are afraid living with him (feeling suffocated, anxious, having panic attacks) and you are afraid leaving him, both.

    You wrote before that you can’t afford psychotherapy. Is this still the case and did you consider seeing a medical doctor, a psychiatrist for a possible diagnosis and medications?

    anita

    #308407

    coconut
    Participant

    Hello anita. I’m trying to get in touch with an online therapist because this past 2 days all I felt was anxiety and confusion. Until now I didn’t talk to any specialist because they weren’t online.

    Is there a chance to get back in love with him? I have a bad feeling that must be because of past hurts because he never understands my anxiety and for him is very stressful and becomes really angry. I just want to work things out….And I also feel guilty because many of our fights if not almost all of them happened because of my bad thoughts, anxiety and the way I reacted…He indeed is a good man and sticked with me, but he says he will never accept a bad treatment and that he doesn’t understand and never will. He just doesn’t want to understand I don’t want to burden him or accuse him, I have bad thoughts and I tell him but he hates if I repeat myself…. And the thing is, no one will ever put up with my insecurities for this long and no one will make me feel safer emotionally than he does. And it hurts me so much. I don’t want to give up on him…

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by  coconut.
    #308449

    anita
    Participant

    Dear coconut:

    The way I see it, you really are unkind to this man, even harmful. And you agree with me on this point. He agrees with me (“he says he will never accept a bad treatment”)-

    Problem is you want to regain your loving feelings for him by giving him more bad treatment, arguing more, repeating yourself yet again (“many of our fights if not almost all of them happened because of my bad thoughts..I have bad thoughts and I tell him but he hates if I repeat myself“).

    I suggest you stop looking at him as the solution to your problem (your bad thoughts/ anxiety). Stop burdening him with your bad thoughts, anxiety and loss of loving feelings.

    Maybe you are holding your loving feelings for him hostage, thinking (without being aware of it) that you will feel love for him again if he fixes your problem, if he makes your anxiety go away. Do you think this may be what is happening?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by  anita.
    #308461

    coconut
    Participant

    I don’t know if that’s the case.
    All my life I wanted someone who could fill the void in my heart with emotional security, consistency, always being there for me and putting up with my insecurities.

    I met him. He did just that. But at the same time knowing when to care for himself which I really admire even though that hurt me.

    Now that I trust him, I really don’t have any reason to be insecure, we finally moved in, he loves me and shows it to me, I feel like my anxiety should not be there. But it is. I feel like something is wrong, I can’t feel love anymore, I don’t feel like being physically close to him anymore.

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by  coconut.
    #308465

    anita
    Participant

    Dear coconut:

    You “don’t feel like being physically close to him anymore”- then don’t be physically close to him anymore, not for as long as you feel the way you do.

    When you are physically close to a man, having sex with a man but you don’t want to, forcing yourself- this is a terrible struggle, one that you don’t have to have in your life.  It is  not necessary- you don’t have to!

    It doesn’t matter why you don’t have loving feelings for him. It doesn’t matter if you  ever will  again. What matters is that you don’t want to be physically/ sexually close with him-

    – so  don’t be.

    Regarding “All my life I wanted someone who could fill the void in my heart with emotional security”- once a child suffers this void throughout the years of one’s childhood, the adult this child becomes cannot fill that void with a boyfriend. This void, if it is big and persistent, as it is in your case, it needs to be faced in the context of effective psychotherapy, the emotions of hurt, and fear and anger need to be seen, acknowledged, accepted.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by  anita.
    #308469

    coconut
    Participant

    I think I always felt like a helpless little girl, and wanted for my boyfriend to be more like a parent to me. I don’t know how to be in a relationship…I don’t know how to be a whole person by myself. I am too sensitive, I always feel like a victim.

    #308471

    anita
    Participant

    Dear coconut:

    I don’t think you read my recent post to you before you posted the above. Did you?

    And again then, my point: once we didn’t have the parent that we needed as children and that void was created, it cannot be filled by a boyfriend.

    anita

    #308473

    anita
    Participant

    * didn’t reflect under Topics

    #308475

    coconut
    Participant

    I saw your post after I posted mine. I will try yherapy as soon as possible.

    #308479

    anita
    Participant

    Dear coconut:

    I hope you do attend therapy soon but I don’t think online therapy is effective, because you need the in-person connection. I hope to read from you again anytime.

    anita

     

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