Hey Flossy73
Well from what you’ve said, it sounds to me like you have a good guy and you just believe it is “too good to be true.” Which is understandable considering what you have witnessed with your mom. But my advice is don’t let your mom’s past history & experiences determine your future. If he has not given you any ammo to question his judgement, love for you, or the state of your relationship why do so? Cherish him & what you share and there will be no room for you to worry about another woman interfering!Thoughts may arouse which is normal we are human but you must become secure with YOU and what YOU bring to the table.That way even if something was to happen you can stand firm an know u gave your all. But what you are doing is reacting and that will push a man away. Relax, don stop loving him on account of fear but most importantly embrace yourself and don’t forget you are Worthy!You didn’t come this far afterall he is with YOU dont break what you’ve built.When another woman is conveyed to be a threat when she isn’t it only brings tension and encourages curiosity when in fact there probably isn’t what so ever. It sounds like it is in your head mainly and you may just need to get more in tune with yourself and fall in love you more. I hope this helped. Hope everything works out!

Hello Sparkle,

If you give this some thought, your thinking is somewhat irrational.  You are worried that your partner will be attracted to someone who is the complete opposite of you.  This is irrational for a couple of reasons.  One is that if your partner was attracted to someone opposite of who you are, don’t you think he would have pursued someone more in line with that?  But he is with YOU.  He found something in you that told him you were worth spending time with.

The second reason this is irrational is that by always comparing yourself to other women and thinking your partner will fancy them instead, you place absolutely no value in the fact that your partner, perhaps, cherishes something in you beyond what you look like.  You give him no credit for that, and if I were your partner, I would be frustrated about that too.  And maybe a little insulted – in a way, you are saying to him that he isn’t very smart or clever enough to be with someone other than you.

And no matter what, as things are now, your partner can’t win for losing.  He can love you as you are, warts and all, but if you can’t accept that he loves you as you are, then another woman may certainly appeal to him, and it will have nothing to do with how she looks.  It will have everything to do with how she feels about herself and how he feels around her.

He will cherish you and value you a whole lot more if you simply have confidence in yourself.  This means embracing the good, bad and everything else in between within yourself.

To change things up, try going one day without saying even one word about your insecurities, your inability to trust and focus on what is working in your relationship, and how he makes you feel.  If you aren’t able to come up with anything that is working, or the way he makes you feel is less than positive, then you need to think about whether this is a relationship that is working for you.

Finally, try focusing on making you the best you can be, rather than looking at what he might be attracted to, or comparing yourself to anyone, because in comparisons, we always come up short.

Wishing you peace,

Airene

Dear sparkle00:

There is the issue of your worry about him leaving you for another woman. There is also the issue in this relationship that you mentioned in a previous thread, and that is, that there has been no sexual relationship between you and your boyfriend, with whom you live. I wonder if this is still the case.

You wrote previously that he saw a doctor for that reason, not having a sexual relationship with you. I wonder about the result of that doctor visit, if he shared with you his reasons…

If he is not sexual with you, and has been so with women before you, maybe there is not much for you to worry, regarding him getting involved with another woman?

anita