i’m hurt, Please help!

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  • #45428
    Maha Maha

    Hey there
    I was browsing for the secrets to a high self esteem and ironically I landed here.
    right now it is 3 am. I am supposed to finish some tasks and go to sleep but then I decided to create an account and reply to you exclusively
    Having lived in India for 10 months myself, and having met a lot of Indian men and women, I almost automatically knew what the problem was. I am Moroccan, and I grew up with the French culture since ever (Morocco used to be a French colony). I am generally a sharp perceiver and I have decided to tell you genuinely what I think in an attempt to open your eyes. You may get hurt, it is going to hurt in the beginning. But in 3 months, you are going to emerge a winner out of it.
    Let me come back to the reason why I landed here: self-esteem, yes, that’s what you are missing right now.
    Well crybaby, it looks like you have been dumped co-op style.
    That’s not what you want to hear, and I am probably a bitch for saying what I just said. But in fact you don’t need pampering, you dont need someone who is gonna listen to you shedding tears. Complaining and dependency on loved ones will only eat away further that very thing you are missing, self-esteem.
    what kinda woman with self esteem trusts a guy and moves in with him so quickly, if she herself did not feel insecure in some way? (I know, you have been describing yourself as not being inseucure, that’s not the impression that I get though).
    what kinda woman with self esteem gets so caught up in her emotions, again so fast, that she refuses any logical comments about her current situation?
    what kinda woman with self esteem mistakes and believes the first (or the one in a few) beaux-parleurs that offer the stars to her in a romantic concubinage relationship?
    You did nt take your time with this guy, and this is what you get. It was your mistake. And you are responsible for what you feel right now.
    Let me correct one thing, he is not the one to blame. This dude looks like an emotionally immature himself. In other words, he doesnt want a girlfriend, he doesnt want a wife, he only needs a f***-buddy. He dumped you for his new sleep-mate, so what? chances are he did it in the past, and he is going to do it again, and again and again. His new girl is not the last one on the list. Dont think they will get married and live happily ever after.
    You tricked yourself into loving him and accepting all his deficiencies, because you wanted to.
    You wanted to live a romance and closed your mind on the red flags, I am sure there were so so many.
    You have been stuck with the wrong kind of shoe from the very beginning! you wanted to buy classy high-heels, you got stuck with ftas, and very bad quality ones.
    That was a lesson, a great lesson for you to learn to listen to those who know better than you, aka, your parents. Smart and wise people have a sharp intuition that if you dont take too seriously, you can mess your life instantaneously.
    So bottom line, you got all you wanted. You had it your way, fell in love, stayed in love, clinged to love, wanted to make it work. It didnt.
    Now, what do you want? you want probably your dignity back. Maybe an explanation, an apology…. right? you even want just an email answer. well, I am afraid you have to wait quite a long time for that one.
    Ask yourself why do you need this from him? will it bring him back to you? will it change his mind? will he leave his new girl to marry you? what would an apology change? what would an explanation bring? would it truly matter?
    Decide what you want, and go get it. But dont decide what you are probably never likely to get: his love and commitment.
    He was only in lust with you, not love. That is why he was so quick at breaking up with you, as long as this new girl emerged.
    Chances are he doesnt know how to give love !! you are not the reason.
    Try to observe that guy for a moment. And I promise you, everyday you will figure out a new flaw in him. Be sensitive to his flaws. You have been sensitive to his qualities only for 13 months, you just need to reprogram yourself.
    People will tell you to delete his contact and social profile. Don’t! be strong. Don’t avoid. Be an observer this time. And you will see what you never thought it was possible to see.
    In the meanwhile give yourself time to mourne the relationship, cry if it feels like it. But dont cry forever. Find healthy activities that make you feel good and overdo them!
    I am gonna end with something I always say, in my own words: “life is a river, people come, and people leave. Those who stay, just stay because they respect us in some sense, yet we dont have to possess them like we would a collection of dolls. When someone parts away from your life. Dont cling to them, never. Move away in grace, and never look back”.
    Get some self respect and never ever desperately text him into getting back together. JUST NEVER.
    One more thing! Please go get your stuff. Just dont expect it to be there. They might have gotten rid of it. Expect the worse so you wont be shocked.
    Go and hug your dad, he probably is the one who deserves an apology here.
    And next time stop dating random losers. You seem like a smart and successful girl. You deserve better. That is the TRUTH (I am not inflating your ego I dont even know you)
    My Love to you. a Tough one, but it is genuine Love, better than sweet lies.


    Well, I don’t really agree with everything you said about me, but i do get what you are trying to say. when i wrote him the email we were still talking casually and it never occurred to me that he cheated on me. i think he made sure that i never find out about his affair with the roommate. i have no idea how it actually came to my social profile, i guess the universe wanted me to see his true face, for what he really is, a liar and a dishonest man. I told him from the beginning to be honest with me and never lie to me about anything. He told me honesty was a big thing for him and he never lies, of course i trusted his words, bad mistake. The whole things is quite shocking not just for me, for my friends and family too. Nobody saw this coming. My friends have met him many times, with me or without me. They never expected him to do such a thing either, we all thought of him as a very nice genuine guy who was very honest since the beginning. I guess he had quite a trick to pull off this whole thing for so long.
    I just want my things back and i have to go to that apartment to pick up my things, luckily some friends are going to help me move. therefore, i don’t have to do it alone.I would have done it last month but he kept saying that he would send me, which i was never okay with but i didn’t want to see him or the apartment so i agreed. but you may be right, it is a possibility that he got rid of my things already, i don’t expect anything from him now. I’m still going to Paris and i will write him inform him of my arrival as soon as i book my tickets.
    I really feel i’m blessed now, that i know for now what he really is, and i didn’t marry him in spite of his numerous attempts/ talks etc. I wanted to delete him from all the social networking websites that i use but i didn’t somehow. I just thought it would be immature to delete him which in fact made me aware about his current situation. After i saw the pictures of him with the girl, i asked him if he was dating her, and he told me he wouldn’t answer and he blocked me. Not only he blocked me to see his profile, the girl blocked me too. I was never friend with her, which actually proved that they r very much together. This was it, i was ready to move on with my life, i just don’t know how to do it. I don’t want him back nor an email from him, the only thing that i need from him, is my stuff back from his apartment ( which he told me he still has because he is not an asshole. and i should not worry about it) i asked him numerous times that don’t trash them i can come and pick up before your leave for your vacation, he kept pushing it to the end time where i couldn’t do anything. there were so many signs of him being not a nice man, i just didn’t see it while i was with him. as if i was in some kind of trance, i was not me for the past 10 months.
    His family still doesn’t know the real reason why he broke up with me, i’m sure he told them some crap about me put me in blame. i had a very nice relationship with all of them, and his sister even contacted me after the break up how sad she was that it ended, and they wish me the best, i wish them the best too because they are all very nice people, it’s just they don’t know what kind of man he is. I am not going to tell them the real reason why it’s over because it’s not my place to say anything. May be they will delete me too from the social media. and to be honest, i don’t really care now.
    I do have self respect thats why i chose to end all further contacts, it’s a shame that my things are still lying in his apartment. So i have to talk to him regarding this as much as i hate doing it, i have no choice. Had i known that he was cheating on me before i wrote the damn email, or even the moment he broke up with me, i would have gone the next day to Paris and brought my things right away, and it would have been over in that moment. I just wish i knew this before, i wouldn’t have written him any email or even contacted him further, or be hopeful that someday we would get back together. I absolutely don’t want him back, i don’t trust him now. I just had no idea that he could be such a person. he hurt me and he betrayed my trust. I am a strong person, i just put my faith in the wrong man. I was looking for happiness in others rather than looking it inside me. Biggest Mistake of my life, definitely learnt a lesson here.
    My friends keep telling me universe has a funny way of putting things to balance, so i know he will get the taste of his own medicine someday with interest. I just want to move on with my life, and i can’t until i get all my things from his apartment, so i am desperately waiting for the time to pass so i can go and fetch it. I just want this to be over now. My family has been supporting me in every way they can, it’s just too painful to be in this situation.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by A.


    But by who, someone you “TRUSTED MORE THAN YOURSELF”

    That was your ONLY mistake.

    But hey, I wasn’t even reading much of all of that.
    I was into “My company”, “My Studies”, “My family”, “My travel” WOW woman, right on !!!! you have the life I want !!!!

    As for your STUFF… mmmm I’m thinking (opportunity to confront him)
    I’ve left hundreds and hundreds of dollars of STUFF at ex’s homes.

    One of my ex’s even dropped my stuff off. kudo’s to him, but nope, never got passed the door bell to talk to me.

    Once gone, it’s ALL GONE, I will never go back for ANYTHING especially STUFF. My hardheaded dignity is the STUFF I’m made off, not the sewn stitches in time.

    Now forget about the STUFF and make us all proud out here in Viture City I’m rooting for you, he’s got alot of oats to sew and bills to pay.. Meh.. let him..

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