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This topic contains 13 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  nz133 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)
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  • #295201

    nz133
    Participant

    I dont know how to start. There is this thing with me. I expect a lot from people and I know that’s wrong, it’s not going to harm anyone but me. I dont know how to stop myself. I try not to think about these things because the more I think about it it starts to hit me really hard and I start to cry. Sometimes I think its because of my age. I am young and it will get better with time. Some people have been a complete ass to me and when I think about it I get sad. I was thinking to write articles this summer. I dont have the motivation to do that anymore. Do you guys think I should start writing?

    #295227

    Mark
    Participant

    nz133,

    There are schools of thought where writing out our stories and re-writing them to have a different outcome is therapeutic.  You cannot lose by writing, by journalling, by taking action to put words/thoughts/emotions on paper.

    Mark

    #295251

    nz133
    Participant

    Thank you mark. With everything thats been going on I think I’m just emotionally drained. I dont know what I’m supposed to do.

     

    #295259

    Ariana
    Participant

    Thanks for sharing nz133! You, me, as well as millions of people have difficulty with this thing- its ok. The thing with expectations is its a weird trap that WE put ourselves in sadly. I recommend reading this article by GARY VAYNERCHUK: “HOW TO HAVE ZERO EXPECTATIONS”. I like how we talks about having empathy for people because most of the time we knew truly know why that person did that action and in consequence we get let down. But it does not have to be that way if we tweak our thinking because having our happiness hinge upon other actions is risky and unsustainable. Of course, it still okay to have expectations but try to learn to not take it personally when these certain outcomes don’t happen. This requires to many of us to let go of how things “should” be. You give yourself happiness- you give yourself peace. Its always inside of you:)

    As a fellow young person (21 yay!), I still have trouble with this but I try to better myself everyday – starting with changing my thinking patterns. I’ve had people do cruel things (esp. from family) and I’ve just come to a point where I take it as a learning lesson. I can’t control them- I can only control myself. I wish you luck and hope this helped in any way. Take care of yourself and practicing forms of self care like writing can never do you wrong! You should pursue writing if it makes you happy- you never know where it will lead!

    #295317

    anita
    Participant

    Dear nz133:

    “I expect a lot from people”-

    “Some people have been a complete ass to me and when I think about it I get sad”- it is reasonable to expect people to not be an ass to you, isn’t it?

    anita

    #295585

    nz133
    Participant

    Hey Ariana! I am really glad that you understand what I’m trying to say. It surely is a trap that we create for ourselves. Someone else told me “Learn to let go” and think that is the best way. I will read that article and get back to you. This did help a lot! Can I talk to you privately because I think you really do understand what I am trying to say and you can relate as well. Also I’m really glad that you’re in a better place now than before.

    #295589

    nz133
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    When you’ve been nothing but a good friend to someone else, why would you expect them to be an ass to you. In the end they tell you that you meant nothing to them. They know that you’re going through something but they don’t care. You’ve been there for them always and when you want them  to be there for you and expect them to be good to you they start being an ass to you.

    #295603

    anita
    Participant

    Dear nz133:

    “You’ve been there for them always and when you want them to be there for you.. they start being an ass to you”-

    – better then, be there for someone one time, maybe a second time and wait and see if they will be there for you one time when you need them, then, if they are, be there for them again. In other words, see if there is reciprocity. What do you think?

    anita

    #295607

    nz133
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I think you’re right. Everyone is not the same and I cant expect them to do the same with me as I did for them. Thank you for this1 <3

    #295609

    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, nz133.

    anita

    #295675

    Ariana
    Participant

    Hey Nz133,

     

    I’m glad I was able to help you just a little.:) I think that article is has some really good food for thought. You are definitely not alone and letting certain things go is freeing. I know its worth it even if the process is frustrating the painful. You can shoot me an email @: ari333serr@gmail.com

    #295955

    nz133
    Participant

    It is and I’m glad you understand. Also I emailed you 🙂

    #295957

    Peter
    Participant

    Hi nz133:

    With regards to expectations. Its important to distinguish the difference between expectations and healthy boundaries.

    #295963

    nz133
    Participant

    Thank you Peter.

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