Lily,

We see, hear and experience the world through different lenses.

You are looking at your parents and your best friend as people who view, judge or perceive you as someone that *could* have a different sexual orientation and that gets you mad.

This is obvious a sore point.  You may want to look at those people who love you a different way.  Consider that they are not being arrogant or presumptuous but loving, curious, and open to you being open to new experiences.

Does that make some sense?

Mark

Hi Lilly,

I (I am 22 years old) have been through this situation, not exactly but very similar. I tried to seem more feminine or be more loving and open and it just felt wrong to me. (I am more of a logical, quiet, down to earth, tom boy type girl.) I don’t like talking about furniture/decor, I don’t like talking about cooking, I don’t like jewelry. I like talking about spirituality, makeup, horses, love, romance, friendship etc. I am a deep person I can care less about what most women around me talk about (no offense to any of them I love them.) Which if you talk about that stuff great! I was just trying to point out something that in the past has made me feel less feminine or lesbian. I noticed that I tried to start changing myself because I am a straight woman and wanted to be viewed as that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being lesbian, the questioning angered me because it started making me question “Are my interest different from straight women?” “Should I change the way I talk, act, present myself?” “Am I feminine enough for the man I want?” “Am I a women that likes men or women?” “Am I doing this life thing wrong?” And many more questions.. It eventually just lead me to be whoever the f*ck I wanted, WHO I AM. I have decided I don’t need to change the way I am to be “seen” or “viewed” in a different way. I am the way I am, I try to better myself everyday, but not in the way of being viewed differently. But me as myself growing into the (straight) women I want to be. Which is confident, loving, nurturing and can tell someone off if they ever make me question myself ever again.

By the way the people that have asked me they didn’t ask me in a kind way or concerned way, they asked me in a very mocking undermining way. First it was a guy that I denied because he was disgusting and pushy, this other guy in my middle school class because I played football with the guys and hung out with them (secretly crushing on a guy in that group) and then my mom which hurt the most. I had taken a weekend trip with my best friend and her girlfriend and my mom basically asked if I liked girls because I stayed in a tent with them. It was all very confusing I had never questioned my sexuality before these moments and that is what made it sting so much.

I don’t know if this helps, but I hope it brings a little perspective.