May 21, 2019 at 4:05 pm #295013
okay so like I just saw my dad and we were just having a normal convo and he just interrupts me and asks if I have something to tell him and I’m like what? He told me that my mom asked him if he thought that I liked girls. I immediately said no, because I 100% don’t. And a couple weeks ago I went out with a group of friends, my best friends and this old guy friend I hadn’t talked to in a while. later that night I got dropped off my best friend and I talked for a while and out of no where she began to tell me how she could totally see me become lesbian and experiment in college and it just came across as very rude. I’m honestly kind of hurt and insulted by all this not because I’m like anti LGBT, but because I just feel like so judged. In my junior year now and I’ve never been in a relationship and haven’t done anything with anyone, I’ve definetly talked to guys and we’ve like developed serious feelings for eachother. Like I honestly just don’t get it and it makes me mad that these people I really love in my life are just saying shit like that, I just think its super arrogant and presumptous. Any advice?May 21, 2019 at 7:25 pm #295023
We see, hear and experience the world through different lenses.
You are looking at your parents and your best friend as people who view, judge or perceive you as someone that *could* have a different sexual orientation and that gets you mad.
This is obvious a sore point. You may want to look at those people who love you a different way. Consider that they are not being arrogant or presumptuous but loving, curious, and open to you being open to new experiences.
Does that make some sense?
MarkMay 22, 2019 at 6:14 am #295069
In a previous thread you shared about your parents/ family members: “it just feels like they don’t SEE me”. Too bad your parents see you now as a maybe- lesbian. You are not, so they see wrong. I wish they saw you correctly, not in regard to sexual orientation (not their business, really), but in regard to what you think, how you feel, what you want, what you hope for and dream about.
anitaMay 22, 2019 at 1:04 pm #295211
I (I am 22 years old) have been through this situation, not exactly but very similar. I tried to seem more feminine or be more loving and open and it just felt wrong to me. (I am more of a logical, quiet, down to earth, tom boy type girl.) I don’t like talking about furniture/decor, I don’t like talking about cooking, I don’t like jewelry. I like talking about spirituality, makeup, horses, love, romance, friendship etc. I am a deep person I can care less about what most women around me talk about (no offense to any of them I love them.) Which if you talk about that stuff great! I was just trying to point out something that in the past has made me feel less feminine or lesbian. I noticed that I tried to start changing myself because I am a straight woman and wanted to be viewed as that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being lesbian, the questioning angered me because it started making me question “Are my interest different from straight women?” “Should I change the way I talk, act, present myself?” “Am I feminine enough for the man I want?” “Am I a women that likes men or women?” “Am I doing this life thing wrong?” And many more questions.. It eventually just lead me to be whoever the f*ck I wanted, WHO I AM. I have decided I don’t need to change the way I am to be “seen” or “viewed” in a different way. I am the way I am, I try to better myself everyday, but not in the way of being viewed differently. But me as myself growing into the (straight) women I want to be. Which is confident, loving, nurturing and can tell someone off if they ever make me question myself ever again.
By the way the people that have asked me they didn’t ask me in a kind way or concerned way, they asked me in a very mocking undermining way. First it was a guy that I denied because he was disgusting and pushy, this other guy in my middle school class because I played football with the guys and hung out with them (secretly crushing on a guy in that group) and then my mom which hurt the most. I had taken a weekend trip with my best friend and her girlfriend and my mom basically asked if I liked girls because I stayed in a tent with them. It was all very confusing I had never questioned my sexuality before these moments and that is what made it sting so much.
I don’t know if this helps, but I hope it brings a little perspective.May 22, 2019 at 1:06 pm #295213
Oh and btw this has not affected my love life at all. I’m not sure if you are concerned about this or not, but I am currently dating a man and have been for about a year. Before that I have had another long term relationship with a guy, and another significant one that lasted about 3 months, some guys in between these that I ended up having a lot of good times with just were not compatible.
There is a guy out there that is waiting for a girl like you please do not change for anyone!