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This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 4 months ago by Anonymous.

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June 30, 2016 at 11:46 pm #108647

Anyone
Participant

I recently registered on a matrimonial website here in India.

Received an invitation from a 39 yr old man (divorced, 1 child, not living together)

He has stated the below facts to me:
1) Works as a Director in Indonesia, which is true and on LinkedIn
2) Parents in India
3) Divorced in Nov, 2015
4) Eager to marry and settle down
5) Looks for emotional support in marriage. (Love, mutual trust, someone to share life with and travel and help in household chores) And because he feels lonely of late.
6) Wants respect for elders/parents as his wife was rude to them
7) Was eager to chat and talk, wanting to provide more info about himself
8) Is also going to appoint an agent to find out a suitable match for him (This I got to know from matrimonial folks)
9) Mom is less educated (5th or 6th grade) and is his step-mom who has raised him
10) Custody of the child is with his ex-wife. And he hasn’t seen his daughter since Feb, 2015
11) Was often accused by his wife of having affairs
12) They used to have fights since the beginning of the marriage
13) He carried on the marriage of 14 years because his Dad asked him to adjust and make things work because of the child
14) Has a sister who is married and settled in India
15) Doesn’t want child in marriage, (I am also not sure of going for a biological child, but I want to adopt one, and he doesn’t want either.)

Later, I was browsing the matrimonal website and his profile. I find out that he has mentioned family background as:
Father is retired, Mom is Employed and Brother is married.

I pinged him and said that so and so is mentioned in your profile on the portal
His immediate reply: ‘Not to my knowledge. I have a father who is retired, Mom is a housewife and a sister who is settled in India. Strange ya, that my profile shows I have a brother. I will check tonight. May be my account is hijacked.

He didn’t reply on this at night. Nor the day later, not until now. And has planned to visit India this weekend and would be here for a week. (We were thinking to talk face to face rather on chat/ phone to be able to know each other better). Nor has he changed the info on thr portal yet.

Question in my mind:
1) Can such important detail about family be a typo mistake?
2) What would he reply? He will for sure say, it was a mistake?
3) How to know if he is lying?

Thank you for taking time to read

June 30, 2016 at 11:53 pm #108648

Anyone
Participant

This to me seems more of a trap. Since in India there are lot of issues with in-laws staying together. And since the parents stay with the son and not a daughter. So women choose for a family where the in-laws are either working or living with another son.

July 1, 2016 at 3:25 am #108652
Paper Tissues
Participant
1) Can such important detail about family be a typo mistake?
To be honest, I don’t think so. Years ago, I’ve experienced dating websites and from my experience, if you really want to find that someone special, you want to be sure that the info you’d put down in words are right.
I don’t buy the idea that his account could be hacked. Why would some change just couple of information about his profile?

2) What would he reply? He will for sure say, it was a mistake?
He could reply saying that it was a mistake. What I reckon is, he will reply something saying that it wasn’t him or if it was him, he’ll manage to find a way to show it was a mistake.

3) How to know if he is lying?
I don’t think there’s a 100% effective way to discovery if he’s lying.
I think you should ask yourself something like, “Do I really want to start any kind of relationship with someone that I can’t trust even 10%?””

I think it’s ok to keep talking to him, but just be aware that he could start saying things that you want to listen, but aren’t the truth.
- This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Paper Tissues.
July 1, 2016 at 4:50 am #108654

Inky
Participant

Hi Anyone,

The fact that you’re asking us on Tiny Buddha what we think shows that there are, indeed, too many red flags.

He just got divorced
Doesn’t want anymore kids
Was accused of cheating
Wife disrespected in-laws (he wants you to be passive, even if abused??)
The Typo

I say move on to someone:

Single
Wants Kids
All information checks out
Gives you a good feeling in your gut

Blessings,

Inky

July 1, 2016 at 7:44 am #108661

Vince
Participant

I think that is good advice, Inky.

July 1, 2016 at 8:20 am #108663

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Anyone:

The possible typo you are referring to is that his profile says “brother” when truth it is “sister”? And his mother is a housewife and not “Employed”? I didn’t understand the in-laws living with the son and not the daughter, how it applies here.

The fact that his ex wife accused him of cheating doesn’t mean that he did. The fact that his marriage dissolved doesn’t mean he was at fault. My main concern would be why he didn’t see his daughter since Feb 2015???

Second, is see that his parents are not abusive- that they were not abusive to the first wife and that she reacted to their abuse- and so that you will be expected to … not react to abuse coming from them.

anita
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