Dear Eve:

“I want him to hurt but I honestly don’t have the energy”- I figure you probably don’t have the energy to tell  more of your story here. And so, I was thinking what is it that I can write to you with so little of your story: you have kids, no living parents, a few chronic illnesses, a job, a shrink you hate, and lots of  bills to pay. You were in a relationship with a married man for over ten years. He said he loved you and that he will (divorce her and) marry you, but he didn’t, and you broke up with him.

This is how you feel: “I am in so much pain. I don’t want to live anymore.. No one who looks after me.. It’s just me. With lots of bills to pay and kids who need me… Maybe I deserve it.. I’m so deeply lonely… Every day is drudgery and pain… I’m so very tired of suffering.. I was so stupid.. don’t have the energy”-

– you need a vacation by yourself, to a beautiful resort, your favorite spot: by the ocean on a tropical island, if that’s what you prefer, or the woods, staying in a nice little cabin in the woods, drinking red wine or your favorite other drink, with nothing to worry about (someone responsible is taking care of your kids and they are doing well, your bills are paid for months in advance).

I know, there is a pandemic going on, and there is no one to take care of your kids, but you can imagine, play it in your mind, see the scenery, hear the sounds.. As a matter of fact, I am feeling better imagining all that I wrote to you here. We can use our brains sometimes for good purposes, so to feel better.

I do hope you feel better soon. And please do post here anytime, to vent, to express yourself. I’ll be glad to read from you anytime.

anita

Hi Eve,

The Dalai Lama teaches that the ultimate source of happiness is our mental attitude. I’m not a Buddist and I know very little about the Dalai Lama but what he’s saying makes sense to me. I realize that given your sadness and disappointment it’s pretty much impossible to have any other attitude than the one you currently have but maybe the change starts with self-forgiveness. You’re judging yourself as a bad person who deserves her suffering but I don’t see you that way. Millions of women find themselves in relationships with unhappily married men who intend to leave their wives but never do for all kinds of reasons including financial. Your situation isn’t unique. For 10 years you stuck by this man, believed him, loved him, but you’ve ultimately come to the painful decision to cut your losses, to step out of a situation that is no longer working for you. Yay, Eve! Bravo to you! You’re now back on track and worthy of happiness. Even people who make mistakes are worthy of peace, joy, and love because guess what: everyone makes mistakes.

It all begins with believing that you are worthy of a life free of all this damn suffering. The past is gone. Let it go. Your sweet kids who love you very much have their awesome mom back — today is a great day!

B