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Insecure about body hair

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  • July 24, 2017 at 7:12 am #159870
    Victoria B
    Participant

    Hi all,

    I have been insecure about being naked in front of a guy ever since my last ex-boyfriend body shamed me for having pubic hair.

     

    I would constantly hear things like ‘oh you should do something about that’, ‘its not clean’, ‘it would turn me on if your completely bare’ etc. etc. So I did it (and stupid me). I ended up trimming and waxing for him, but both caused enormous pain! I then suffered from an extreme form of dermatitis for six months! I could hardly walk around because I was in that much pain. It got to a point where he couldn’t take my depression, anxiety and insecurity no longer so… you guessed it… he left me.

    Ever since its always been in the back of my mind – what happens if a guy thinks I’m gross when I’m naked?… what if he laughs?…

    I’ve been so badly hurt and judged for just keeping my body in a natural way…

    That I feel shamed for not doing ‘what is normal’…

    And I am actually scared to feel so vulnerable and be judged like that, again.

     

    If you have any comforting advice feel free to share with me.

    Vic.

    • This topic was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Victoria B.
    July 24, 2017 at 7:35 am #159880
    Katie
    Participant

    Hi Vic,

    I can understand why you would be anxious to be naked in front of a guy after your experience with your ex. I think everyone has a preference…some guys do indeed like when everything’s hairless, some don’t really care. Not sure what YOUR preference is or what all you’ve tried, but there are products that definitely help with ingrown hairs and irritation from waxing/shaving. One I’ve used and would recommend is called Tend Skin…just a liquid you apply and can get on amazon. Also, I know you said you tried trimming but maybe if you kept a little bit of hair and didn’t take it all the way to the skin this would minimize irritation? Ultimately it’s what your comfortable with.

    July 24, 2017 at 7:41 am #159884
    Victoria B
    Participant

    Hi Katie,

    I was told by the specialist/ doctor that I have very sensitive skin in that area and the only way I can remove any hair is by laser treatment. I would not dare try anything else again after my extreme reaction to other methods. I am considering laser but it is very expensive.

    I think it is more so the fact that I feel like it has become the ‘norm’ to have less down there. And that makes me anxious/ not comfortable with just ‘being me’.

    Vic.

    July 24, 2017 at 7:59 am #159890
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Victoria:

    Better not risk dermatitis and discomfort again- not for the purpose of pleasing another person!

    We are mammals. Reptiles have scales, birds have feathers and mammals have hair. This is nature. When you have a new boyfriend, and the two of you are considering becoming physically intimate, discuss this very issue beforehand, so that there is no unnecessary awkwardness of the kind you fear. You don’t owe anyone to go through the pain you went through.

    anita

    July 24, 2017 at 8:07 pm #159964
    Victoria B
    Participant

    Thanks anita.

    Vic. 🙂

    July 25, 2017 at 6:55 am #160030
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Vic.

    anita

    July 25, 2017 at 10:18 am #160092
    Emily
    Participant

    Hi Victoria,

    My name is Emily. It saddens me that someone treated you as poorly as your ex did. People are ridiculous! In my view, anyone who asks you to change your appearance just to make them happy probably does not deserve you. Everyone has the right to be accepted and cherished for who they are (and that includes their body!). It’s obvious now that you are afraid of being rejected again, that this guy traumatized you. The same thing has happened to me. I am working on connecting with my inherent goodness and value, trying to find that place where my “sexiness” comes from confidence in my being rather than from my appearance. I can tell you that there are many people out there who don’t care at all what your pubic hair is like. I am one of them and probably you are, too!

    It is hard to recover from being shamed by a partner. I get it. I also trust that with time you can reclaim your confidence because there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I hope you find some really wonderful partners who honor you and find you sexy exactly as you are.

    Warmly,

    Emily

    July 25, 2017 at 11:29 pm #160224
    Victoria B
    Participant

    Thank you very much for that Emily 🙂

    Vic.

    August 3, 2017 at 12:53 pm #161962
    LifeInsideJack
    Participant

    I will very carefully add that I believe a woman’s beauty is held in her confidence. Now, don’t take that to an extreme. Just be you. You’re the only one who can be you. No one else can be you. It doesn’t work that way. When you are you, unashamedly, unquestionably and most important honestly you will find that you are enough and you are terrific just as you are. Right there, in that spot is the most perfect version of you possible.

    When a dude looks at (a woman) and starts making Change Requests he is showing his own insecurity and his own fears. He needs external acceptance from others who will see you or to whom he will talk about you. This isn’t someone you need to be with as this is an unending roller-coaster ride of “change is needed to be accepted by people who constantly change their minds” and that is no way for someone to be asked to live. This person is a boy, not a man, and you are not obligated to feel any such shame from his childish actions. Release that back into the lake, there are better fish out there.

    As you are out and about being the You you have always been intended to be your confidence will blossom and in such a state you will attract a whole stable of men who want to be with you simply to be near someone who knows who they are, is capable of teaching them how to treat you and able to stand tall as you are without the nagging fear of not being the real you. You are the real you. You really are.

    Now go get on with your bad self because you’re awesome!

    August 4, 2017 at 6:10 am #162068
    Naturelover
    Participant

    Hi Vic,

    Looks like you “dodged a bullet” with that guy. Sounds like someone not worth being in your life.

    So firstly, anyone who judges someone on something very minor probably isn’t a very intelligent person and regardless of thier preference in grooming clearly lacks basic tolerance for differences. people who act like that probably aren’t the right people to have a relationship with and I doubt even understand what It is to love someone or be someone’s partner.

    Now secondly, I’m a guy and I’m not bad looking. So maybe you would like my opinion as from your perspective I might be one of the people you are concerned about potentially judging you.

    I am totally fine with girls being natural and having body hair. I think it looks attractive and a girl can be beautiful with it. I would go as far as to say I like it or prefer it (though I have nothing against girls who shave/wax either) all I’m saying is there are many guys out there (probably more awesome then you think) that would like you for who you are. So don’t go changing because of a negative experience someone put you through. Also I just asked my friend what he thinks, he agreed, body hair is fine and he prefers it to girls going crazy with the razor.

     

     

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