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Intuition or Infatuation???

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  • #227785
    Julie
    Participant

    I am in love with my best friend who is still in love with his ex but we’ve been having this ongoing fling for 9 months now. We are very attached to one another but even though he is still in love with his ex, something in my body tells me there is more to me and him. Is this my intuition or infatuation??? I know what it feels like to hope for that feeling but this doesn’t feel like hope to me because it won’t go away no matter how clear the situation is to me.

     

    Has anyone felt like this before or am I going crazy?

    #227885
    Airene
    Participant

    Hello Julie,

    Has your best friend made any indication about his feelings toward you?  If he has said to you, “you are my best friend, but I’m still in love with my ex,” I would take that at face value.  Then you need to determine if this is a healthy situation for you.

    When you love someone, it can be very easy to distort reality and project your feelings onto the person you love.  You may feel strongly about your friend – love him – and the love you have for him can have you turning a blind eye to what he might actually be feeling.

    Airene

    #227907
    Julie
    Participant

    Hi Airene,

    My best friend has told me he does not want to be in a relationship right now. Him and his ex have been together for 4 years and have broken up for a year now but still keep in contact since then. He’s explained to me how he is enjoying his freedom right now and how he used to be a serial monogamist so being alone right now is what he needs. We have spoken about our feelings towards each other. He has told me there has been times he’s wanted to take me serious and leave his past behind but how it would only hurt me more because he would still be stuck on his ex and not getting the closure he needs. I personally don’t believe him and his ex will last because they’ve had multiple breaks in the past and I believe that if the love is there and real he wouldn’t be putting it on hold and having other love interests. I’m very confused because apart of me feels like he is in denial for what he feels for me.

    #227909
    Airene
    Participant

    Hello Julie,

    You say here “I believe that if the love is there and real he wouldn’t be putting it on hold and having other love interests.”  How would you describe the relationship you have with your best friend?  Are you one of his “other love interests”?

    I believe your best friend is being completely transparent and open about where he is at this time in his life, what he needs, and how he feels about his ex.

    He does not want to be in a relationship with you at this time.  He speaks very clearly to you here, where you say what he has told you: “how it would only hurt me more because he would still be stuck on his ex and not getting the closure he needs.

    You are dismissing what he says to you when you say “I personally don’t believe him and his ex will last because they’ve had multiple breaks in the past”  Maybe they will last and maybe they won’t, and you can have whatever thoughts you have about it, but he feels what he feels.  And right now, he wants his freedom, and he still has feelings for his ex.

    I hope this doesn’t sound harsh because I don’t mean it that way at all.  But you say you feel “he is in denial for what he feels for me“, but in actuality, I think you are in denial about his feelings for you…which is that he likes you as a friend (maybe even loves you…as a friend) but doesn’t want a relationship with you.

    You decide what you need and want from the relationship as it is.  No hoping for this or that, or not believing him…his feelings might change, or they might not.  But you get to decide where you go from here.  Keep him as a friend, but continue pursuing other love interests of your own, or cut off the relationship completely because you want something other than what he is able and willing to give you, or??…you decide.

    Airene

     

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Airene.
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