Hello Julie,

Has your best friend made any indication about his feelings toward you?  If he has said to you, “you are my best friend, but I’m still in love with my ex,” I would take that at face value.  Then you need to determine if this is a healthy situation for you.

When you love someone, it can be very easy to distort reality and project your feelings onto the person you love.  You may feel strongly about your friend – love him – and the love you have for him can have you turning a blind eye to what he might actually be feeling.

Airene

Hello Julie,

You say here “I believe that if the love is there and real he wouldn’t be putting it on hold and having other love interests.”  How would you describe the relationship you have with your best friend?  Are you one of his “other love interests”?

I believe your best friend is being completely transparent and open about where he is at this time in his life, what he needs, and how he feels about his ex.

He does not want to be in a relationship with you at this time.  He speaks very clearly to you here, where you say what he has told you: “how it would only hurt me more because he would still be stuck on his ex and not getting the closure he needs.”

You are dismissing what he says to you when you say “I personally don’t believe him and his ex will last because they’ve had multiple breaks in the past”  Maybe they will last and maybe they won’t, and you can have whatever thoughts you have about it, but he feels what he feels.  And right now, he wants his freedom, and he still has feelings for his ex.

I hope this doesn’t sound harsh because I don’t mean it that way at all.  But you say you feel “he is in denial for what he feels for me“, but in actuality, I think you are in denial about his feelings for you…which is that he likes you as a friend (maybe even loves you…as a friend) but doesn’t want a relationship with you.

You decide what you need and want from the relationship as it is.  No hoping for this or that, or not believing him…his feelings might change, or they might not.  But you get to decide where you go from here.  Keep him as a friend, but continue pursuing other love interests of your own, or cut off the relationship completely because you want something other than what he is able and willing to give you, or??…you decide.

Airene

• This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Airene.