Hi Amanda,

Your situation sounds a lot similar to mine instead I would be Nate in your situation. I fell in love with my best friend (we’ll call him Adam) that I met a year ago. He was dating his ex at the time of 4 years when I first met him through my ex. Long story short, me and my ex broke up last December and him and his ex broke up shortly after in January of this year. After they had broken up, we started hanging out more and I started developing this random attraction towards Adam. We are extremely compatible and we get along so well. I have never been so honest, comfortable and trust worthy of someone before than I am with him. We started getting intimate with each other in March (I gave him my virginity, I’m 26 btw) and we haven’t stopped being intimate since. He doesn’t wanna be in a relationship with anyone not just me because he needs time to heal from his ex. It’s hard because he is my best friend and he’s playing the field right now, dating other girls but not wanting a commitment with them. Although with me, we are very honest and communicate with one another. He treats me differently from them because at the end of the day, I am his best friend. I can’t let him go, I’m just trying to go with the flow and not expect anything. We have the same group of friends so it’s hard to detach from him without detaching from my other friends. We all do group activities which is why I say that.

Going back to your situation, I understand where Nate is coming from. Let me ask you this, did Nate know you didn’t see him as more than just a friend? Were your intentions clear? Cause I know you wrote, “We’ve been physically connecting for half of our friendship and I, as I mentioned, saw this only as an extension of how deeply I care about him.” If not, that could perceive you as leading him on even though that probably wasn’t your intentions. And if you truly don’t see a romantic connection with him, do you think you will in the future? Or will you accept him moving onto someone else who is available to him? Me and Adam, have very intellectual conversations when we’re alone not having sex. He has admitted to me that he does see us possibly ending up together in the future. It’s been 7 months of this ongoing roller coaster with him but we both can’t seem to detach from each other. It’s sometimes hard to believe that he wants to be alone because of how he acts around me. The way we cuddle, text, kiss; it’s very romantic-like as if we’re subconsciously already in a relationship.

Is there something else holding you back from not wanting to pursue a romantic relationship with Nate? Maybe it’s cause of your past from Sam? If so, then I understand and maybe we can both help each other since we both play different roles in our situations. I do believe in the best relationships being formed through friendships and Nate seems like your match specially since you’re hurting over losing his friendship. Maybe take things slow? I do believe you both should have a talk so that he can try to understand where you’re coming from and vice versa.

Julie

• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by Julie. Reason: misspelled grammar

Ankita,

How old are you? Out of curiosity. Secondly, you should never determine your worth based off how someone else perceives it. “Your perception of me is a reflection of you.” Your ex probably feels worthless which is why he is hurting you. He is toxic for you. Block him if you have to. I know it’s hard turning away from someone you still love but you need to worry about YOU. Put Ankita first. Breakups are the worst. The pain feels inevitable because it is. You cannot escape a heartbreak. You must grow from it. What you are experiencing is grief and with time that grief will blossom into growth. Have faith and trust in the universe. But in order for you to move past that state of mind you are in, you have to force yourself out of it. Step out of your comfort zone. Go out with some friends, go on dating apps. How long ago was this breakup?

• This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Julie.