Home→Forums→Relationships→Is it love or just attachment?
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February 4, 2018 at 12:24 am #190551
GeeanParticipantThere’s this man that i really like talking to. He’s my colleague amd we became really close. I treat him as one of my bestfriends. This man is already married. We don’t have any relationship, it’s clear that we are just good friends. But recently, i felt that maybe I’m inlove with him. We used to talk everyday but then since he’s resigned already, we seldom talk. For the past few months, I’m hoping to have conversations with him, i get upset if he’s not messaging me. Then I’ve realized that the way I’m acting isn’t normal. I told myself that I’m in love with this guy, because i accept him for who he is. But sometimes i am really confused about my feelings. Is it really love or is it just pure attachment? Before he resigned, we’re always together because we have the same time of duty, we always talk. But we never go out on a date because we don’t have that kind of relationship. He doesn’t know about my feelings, i just kept it to myself. I don’t know what to do since i really like him, i constantly think of him, i want to talk to him. I know that it’s not right, that i should not love him. But i don’t have any intentions of ruining a realtionship, much more a family. I just want to talk to him like before. I’m sorry if it looks like I’m a bad person for loving someone like him, but i have no bad intentions at all. I’m just confused and don’t know what to do since all i think of is him. I can’t get him out of my mind. I’m so stressed and can’t really focused. Can you give me an advise or just enlighten me in some way? Thank you..
February 4, 2018 at 12:44 am #190557
MarkParticipantGee,
It sounds like he is/was a good friend that you have strong feelings for. That’s OK. You don’t have to put a label on it. You don’t have to act on it. You can just be OK by feeling those good feelings for him and leave it at that.
He is not physically in your life anymore. He never was romantically available since he is married.
You can try by doing sitting meditations around your strong feelings and really be in touch with your emotions and where it shows up in your body. And just sit with that. It is easier to let go when you are willing to sit with it.
You can even have a little mantra when you do this like “May he be safe. May he be happy. May he be well. I let him go so he can be those things.”
What do you think?
Mark
February 4, 2018 at 4:18 am #190567
VJParticipantHi Gee,
i get upset if he’s not messaging
i want to talk to him
i know that it’s not right, that i should not love him
This is clear attachment. In True Love there is no wanting, needing lacking, clinging.
It is obsessive love.
In fact, any thought is an attachment. And all that you are getting in your head are thoughts….lots of them….so that is how intense the attachment is.
Love is all about being and not doing.
I can truly understand what is happening in your head. This has happened to me several times. I know that there is a strong intense pull that you are not able to control. But a good thing is at least right now you are able to distinguish whether the feeling is right or wrong. Some people get dragged into the relationship and then end up with physical and emotional problems. Do not worry I have a solution for you below.
Speaking from a spiritual context, this is the beginning of Maya, illusion, satan, devil. Strive to stay away from it now and you will be peaceful later, else it will be the beginning of problems. Most of the times this happens if you have any negative karma to be settled with this person. But do not worry, you can dissolve this karma by cutting the cords of attachment and following as suggested below.
1) You might have energetic cords (ties) of attachment with this person. These cords are invisible since they are at an energetic level. They are also called as psychic ties and they are especially in relationships. The cords of attachment need to be dissolved.
Please go through the below links to know more on what it is and what to do-
(www.ascendedrelationships.com/cutting-energy-cords)Calling upon Archangel Michael with his golden sword is a very famous way of cutting negative cords-
(www.nikkiboruch.com/how-to-cut-energetic-cords-with-archangel-michael)(www.amagicalworld.com/index.php/energy-healing/etheric-cord-cutting)
(www.wikihow.com/Work-With-Archangel-Michael)
There are many ways of doing this. Simply do a web search on “cutting energetic cords of attachment”
If you prefer something visual then there are videos on YouTube too.
2) Forgiveness Exercise:
Format: I _______ FORGIVE YOU _____________, YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME, THANK YOU.
Example: IFORGIVE YOU , YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME, THANK YOU. Chant the above as many times as possible. This is effective. You can do this whenever you are not able to do the 1st one….or even when you are cooking, washing dishes, standing in a queue, lying down on the bed, or whenever those thoughts bother you.
Do both the above ‘energy healing exercises’ and see yourself coming out of the situation.
Warm Regards,
VJ
February 4, 2018 at 7:24 am #190607
InkyParticipantHi Gee,
I would reframe the situation in your head. Instead of thinking “I might be in love with him” think “I am very fond of him” instead. You can be very fond of a colleague. You can be very fond of someone who is married. The statement is true and not provokative, and you can look people in the eye and say your truth, even theoretically his wife. You can say to anyone who asks (they won’t), “Yes, I am very fond of (Tom).”
Try that sentence out for a while and see if it makes your angst go down.
Best,
Inky
February 4, 2018 at 8:00 am #190615
AnonymousGuestDear Gee:
You are not a bad person for feeling anything at all that you feel. We don’t choose our feelings, therefore what we feel is neither good nor bad. And we are not good or bad for feeling what we do.
What you described is definitely attachment to this man. But then, emotional attachment is what people so often refer to as love.
You define what love is, for you. What I see as love is something you are already practicing with this man, intending to not harm him, to not harm his family. Basically, the do-no-harm principle.
There are so many, may people who are emotionally attached to others and harm those same individuals. They would say they love the person they harm. I disagree.
anita
February 4, 2018 at 12:06 pm #190561VJParticipantHi Gee,
i get upset if he’s not messaging
i want to talk to him
i know that it’s not right, that i should not love him
This is clear attachment. In True Love there is no wanting, needing lacking, clinging.
It is obsessive love.
In fact, any thought is an attachment. And all that you are getting in your head are thoughts….lots of them….so that is how intense the attachment is.
Love is all about being and not doing.
I can truly understand what is happening in your head. This has happened to me several times. I know that there is a strong intense pull that you are not able to control. But a good thing is at least right now you are able to distinguish whether the feeling is right or wrong. Some people get dragged into the relationship and then end up with physical and emotional problems. Do not worry I have a solution for you below.
Speaking from a spiritual context, this is the beginning of Maya, illusion, satan, devil. Strive to stay away from it now and you will be peaceful later, else it will be the beginning of problems. Most of the times this happens if you have any negative karma to be settled with this person. But do not worry, you can dissolve this karma by cutting the cords of attachment and following as suggested below.
1) You might have energetic cords (ties) of attachment with this person. These cords are invisible since they are at an energetic level. They are also called as psychic ties and they are especially in relationships. The cords of attachment need to be dissolved.
Please go through the below links to know more on what it is and what to do-
(http://ascendedrelationships.com/cutting-energy-cords/)Calling upon Archangel Michael with his golden sword is a very famous way of cutting negative cords-
(http://www.nikkiboruch.com/how-to-cut-energetic-cords-with-archangel-michael)(http://www.amagicalworld.com/index.php/energy-healing/etheric-cord-cutting)
(https://www.wikihow.com/Work-With-Archangel-Michael)
There are many ways of doing this. Simply do a web search on “cutting energetic cords of attachment”
If you prefer something visual then there are videos on YouTube too.
2) Forgiveness Exercise:
Format: I _______ FORGIVE YOU _____________, YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME, THANK YOU.
Example: IFORGIVE YOU , YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME, THANK YOU. Chant the above as many times as possible. This is effective. You can do this whenever you are not able to do the 1st one….or even when you are cooking, washing dishes, standing in a queue, lying down on the bed, or whenever those thoughts bother you.
Do both the above ‘energy healing exercises’ and see yourself coming out of the situation.
Warm Regards,
VJ
February 5, 2018 at 12:30 am #190715GeeanParticipantHi Mark,
Thank you for your words, it helped me. But I have to admit, some of his actions made me feel that I’m important to him.
He’s really caring, most of the time, he gives me encouragement when I’m feeling troubled or have problems. That’s why i was easily drawn into him.
I really want him to be happy, but the thought of him of not messaging me hurts me a lot because he made me feel this way.
I’m trying to get him out of my mind but I just can’t. My mind wants to, but my heart doesn’t.February 5, 2018 at 12:30 am #190717GeeanParticipantHi VJ.
Thank you for your suggestion. I’ll definitely try that. I really want to move on.
Though I don’t want to cut the connection betweeen us, I want to be able to forget my feelings for him because I’ve been suffering from emotional pain of not being able to talk to him.
I guess I really love him but is still confused if it’s in a romantic way or a love for a dear friend.
I’m obesessing over him because i find myself stalking him in his social media account just to see if he’s doing fine.
I tried to avoid my social media account in order for me not to check on him frequently but i am having a hard time to control myself in doing so.February 5, 2018 at 12:35 am #190719GeeanParticipantHi Inky,
I agree, I’m really fond of him but I love him at the same time.
If it’s just fondness that I feel for him, maybe I won’t be this depressed nor worried that he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.
Honestly, I’ really greatful that I have found this website to share my story since no one knows how i feel for this man. Not even friends nor family.
I’m too afraid to open up to them because i don’t want them to judge me. Especially being inlove with a married guy.February 5, 2018 at 12:35 am #190721GeeanParticipantHi Anita,
I appreciate that you don’t think of me as a bad person for loving a married person, thank you it means a lot to me.
I’ve been thinking of how to stop feeling this way because I’m full of thoughts that I’ve greatly sinned for being like this.
I’m still troubled if what i feel for him is just attachment or love. I’ve been telling myself that I’m deeply inlove with him because I would like to be with him.
By the way, I’m in my 20’s and i’ve never been inlove with someone.I did have crushes but this isn’t like what i’m feeling now.He’s the only man that i’ve cried for.
For the last few months, i’ve been crying over him, even just thinking of him makes me want to cry.February 5, 2018 at 5:03 am #190753VJParticipantHi Gee,
Good to know that you may want to try that out.
No, the word ‘cut’ does not imply cutting the connection or the relationship itself. Do read all the links to understand more. It is to cut the negative energies within the relationship. But, it cannot be said what outcome Life has to serve.
i) either the attached feelings that you are currently having in your head may dissolve and you may talk to him like before, as you said that is what your expectation is
ii) or the feelings will dissolve and these thoughts no longer bother you any more and you will move on with your lifeIn either case, with him or without him in your life you will still be peaceful about the situation and I think that is what ultimately each one of us want in Life.
Also emphasize on the 2nd healing technique. It is a variation of Hoʻoponopono (an ancient Hawaiian healing technique).
As I said – do it whenever those bothersome thoughts come in – whenever you feel the strong impulse to check the social accounts – stay away from your computer or mobile and start chanting the statements continuously.
Take care,
VJFebruary 5, 2018 at 6:58 am #190773AnonymousGuestDear Gee:
In your last post you wrote that you are still troubled about if what you feel for him is attachment or love. I wonder what this distinction means to you, what attachment means to you and what love means to you-
I wonder if this is love, to you, if that means that it should be pursued, that the feeling of love, is an indication of something meant to be, fated, sort of?
anita
February 6, 2018 at 1:12 am #190935GeeanParticipantHi Vj,
Sorry about the confusion, yes i did read the links that you have provided me, thank you, I really appreciate it.
I even searched about cutting chords in the web since it really enlighten me that i may finally able to solve my misery by doing it.
Though I’ve thought about cutting the ‘connection'(contact) with him a million times. However, the thought of not being able to talk to him again makes me so sad.
Yes, I totally agree with you when you said that “With him or without him in your life you will still be peaceful about the situation”.
Or even so, if ever he slips through my mind, i won’t be so affected by him, just like when i think of my other friends.
Thank you for your advise, it’s very helpful.February 6, 2018 at 1:13 am #190941GeeanParticipantHi Anita,
Yes, until now, i can’t tell if I’m really “in love” with him or i’m just too attached to him.
If I can describe what type of attachment it is, it’s probaby the “emotional attachment” that i have developed for him.
Whenever I have problems, I always confide to him, I tell him everything and he always listens to me and gave me a lot of encouragement.
That’s why recently, when we got separated, I always want to talk to him like I used to.
If it’s love, I’m still confused if it’s in a romantic way since I know that he’s married and can’t be with him, so definitely, I don’t want to pursue it.
But sometimes, I feel a sting in my heart if I see posts with his wife. I don’t really know if it’s jealousy or not.
So until now, I’m still sorting my feelings if it’s real or it’s just in my mind. It’s really bothersome.February 6, 2018 at 3:53 am #190967AnonymousGuestDear Geean:
Sometimes things are simpler than what we imagine them to be. Reads to me that you felt good having been able to talk to him, “tell him everything” and him listening to you and encouraging you. That felt very good and you miss it. This good feeling in itself is enough for a lot of women to want a romantic relationship with such a man, to keep talking to him more often, after work, spend time together, be physically close to etc.
He is married and it hurts that you can’t have more of that good feeling.
Is my input helpful at all in regard to your troubling dilemma, “it is love or just attachment”?
anita
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