I’ve been listening to my mind a lot recently…but I fear a lot of it is in insecurities and failure, and that this is affecting my relationship with my fiance. I’m not sure if this feeling I have is a real or perceived fear. I’m hoping some other perspectives might help.

After 5+ years together, we recently got engaged and were anticipating this new stage of life. I was very excited but nervous because I found myself wondering what my life would be like if I didn’t get married. Being only 24, I don’t know what life is like outside of our relationship. Is there more to explore? Am I as happy as I could be? Do I feel supported in this relationship?

These are very toxic and manipulating thoughts, and a lot of events have occurred that may have caused these feelings, and several events have resulted because of these feelings.

I’ve cheated on him (and told him) and I’ve lied to him about small things so that I don’t have to face his disapproval. It seems like I’m constantly doing something wrong, and I’m told that daily. I’ve been told that I need to take criticism better from him, but why am I negatively (or even constructively) criticized every day? Do I seriously screw up so much that my mistakes need to be magnified?

After I cheated on him, he “confessed” that he might have contributed to these actions because he was probably pushing me away subconsciously… For the second time in our relationship, he told me that he has a infatuation with my best friend. Before it was a “just a crush” and now its something more. He still wants to be with me (he wants to marry me), but how can this be?

From what he has told me, he wants us three to live together in the future (either before or after we get married). He doesn’t know why he has feelings for my friend and he “wants them to go away,” but she is our only friend left in town and we hang out with her all the time. We aren’t moving anytime soon and I don’t want to shut her out.

I love spending time with her alone, but when it’s us three, I find myself observing the dynamic a lot.
Some of my internal notes:
-She isn’t giving me eye contact, only him
-He feels as comfortable with her as me
-They have so much in common – I don’t have anything to add to this conversation
-It didn’t use to be like this

They both love long-distance triathlons and they talk about it every day. They are “accountability partners,” waking each other up in the morning with motivational texts and sometimes working out together. I feel left out, but I don’t want to say anything because these are my two favorite people. I don’t want to lose either of them. But if it turns out that he loves her, then where do I go? I don’t know why I should stay in a relationship that seems like its losing its luster. We aren’t married yet, but we are already at the point to have to invite others into our relationship. It sucks.

Can I have your perspective? I know a lot of things are manipulated with my thinking, but how would you react to your loved one telling you that they have feelings for your best friend? Would you accept it and enjoy both of their company? Would you sit down and have a talk with both of them about this and try to resolve it? I would like as many options as possible.