Is Timing Everything...?

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This topic has 21 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 5 months ago by @Jasmine-3.

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April 26, 2014 at 2:42 pm #55410

Big blue
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Hi Michael-
You are superman! You did your best! You sound very grounded so you are able to move ahead. You will get through this and you will be stronger for it. What everyone else shared and said is right on.
One thing I’m doing is listening to music. Music is very powerful for me. There’s wisdom, and a good beat in, “You can’t hurry love” which is on my new playlist.
We’re with you Michael!

April 26, 2014 at 3:52 pm #55411

Michael Smith
Participant

Thank you for all saying such nice things – these situations are never easy.

I do know deep down I will be ok and that time is the greatest healer of all, the hardest part is acceptance of something being over. It can be very hard to let go of someone who you care about so greatly and have given so much of yourself too.

There are no regrets from the experience, only regrets that it wasn’t able to last longer, it currently feels like a chapter has been half written with so many more words to say.

Perhaps in years to come I’ll look back so fondly on the amazing times I spent with this person and how happy she made me even for that small period of time in the grand scheme of things.

I care about how deeply and it’s going to take me a while to heal – there is a very good blog post on the Tiny Buddah site about ‘The Heartbreak Cycle’ – I’ve read it a few times now and it’s really resonated with my situation and helped me to find some understanding in the actions of the girl who said she just wasn’t ready.

It’s very foreign to me, but we’re all different and we need to accept each others differences, I’m by no means over her but I hope if I can keep strong and have faith in my actions all will be ok.

May 30, 2014 at 1:07 am #57690

Michael Smith
Participant

Well as time goes on i’m still finding it so hard to cope with this.

Seeing someone else move on whilst you’re sat questioning everything is such a hard emotion to deal with.

For her it must be easier as this all ended on ‘her terms’ it was her feelings that were confused and she was the one who wanted out.

It aches. It’s painful – I just want to be out the other side and feel free again, like I don’t have those thoughts of her everyday and I can just look back with happiness as opposed to the sadness I feel

May 30, 2014 at 1:20 am #57691

The Ruminant
Participant

Michael,

Could I recommend a book for you? Susan Anderson’s “The Journey from Abandonment to Healing”: http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning-ebook/dp/B004HW88LU/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=&qid=

I don’t think it solves everything, but it might give some comfort. There are actual neurological and psychological reasons for some of the feelings you are going through.

It *is* hard to let go, and I can completely relate to the feeling of wanting to be on the other side already. That said, as long as you compare your current situation with that of complete freedom and happiness, is it any wonder you’d feel even worse? Try to embrace the sorrow as well, live it and feel it. Take your time to really nurture yourself and tend to your wounds. That time of life is precious as well, and will make the times of happiness even sweeter 🙂

May 30, 2014 at 2:29 am #57694

Tinyzebra
Participant

Hi Michael

Funny timing, I’ve been feeling more than a little bit ‘off’ just now too, so I came on here to seek refuge, and read your post. It still hurts for me too. I feel like I am carrying a physical weight around with me at all times, and its really hard to move one. Like you, I struggle with the idea they are moving on when I can’t. I think what makes it different for them than us is that they were (at least in the situation involving you) a bit more in control, and able to say “I’m not ready”. Whereas for you (and me) we didn’t get what we wanted. But if you think about it, they are even less in control because they are themselves riding the waves of probably more deep rooted and difficult issues that will take a lot longer to move on from, and as a result they are unable to commit to something new. It may be hard to hear, but this is probably better for you in the long term, although its so very painful. You are the one able to not only have feelings, but to express those feelings, and to be true to them, and that is something to take comfort from and feel proud of. A short(ish) period of sadness is much better than a relationship that isn’t what you deserve, and may ultimately leave you feeling even more bereft than you do now.

It really resonates with me when you say ‘I just want to be out the other side’ because that’s how I feel too. I had an epiphany yesterday but then today I woke up feeling the ache again. Its just up and down, and all I can say to you is that it does get easier (I was married for 12 years and that finishing was truly awful, but I did manage to get over it. I try to remind myself of that these days). Can you take yourself away somewhere? I live near the sea and find that very therapeutic. Maybe find somewhere that you can go and get some new perspective, especially if you are ruminating. A day out – fresh air, the sea, grass and trees?

June 2, 2014 at 2:50 pm #57931

Michael Smith
Participant

Yes struggling still. I feel like I’ve had my head messed with and it’s really got me down

June 2, 2014 at 9:23 pm #57972

@Jasmine-3
Participant

Hi Michael Smith

Am sorry that you are still struggling. The decision to stop the struggle rests with you, mate ! Every single second that you spend on regrets and sadness is not coming back. Life is passing by and you have a choice to take charge and move forward with a smile. People do what they do but you don’t stop being YOU and YOU are a happy, loving and peaceful being.

Blessings and hope the next post from you will be the one with a big smile 🙂 ))))))

J
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