I don’t think I would be okay with a boyfriend having ANY friend that is a girl stay over. I feel like that is crossing a boundary that should not be crossed. It’s one thing for them to meet up for lunch or dinner, but staying over is putting them in a situation of temptation and that is just asking for trouble. I don’t blame you for being upset! And I think your boyfriend should respect that this bothers you and shouldn’t be done out of respect for you and your relationship. Why put himself in a position of temptation, whether he is trustworthy or not?

I also have to wonder if your boyfriend would be equally okay with you having an ex-boyfriend stay the night at your house… just as friends.

As far as ex’s staying friends… I’ve had my own ex’s help me out quite a lot, and I’m still really good friends with some of them, but we’ve been ex’s for 10-15 years, so they really are just really good friends at this point. So I think I’d be okay with my guy being friends with his ex’s from that standpoint, especially if the girl doesn’t really have a lot of guy friends to help her out with the bit stuff. They’ve also slept on my couch before but NEVER when either one of us were dating someone else. No guys (other than my boyfriend), ex or not, stay at my house when I’m dating someone, and I would expect the same from my man. I think your guy might be expecting a little toooooo much from you with this one, but that’s just my opinion.

Dear Victoria,

Relationships are not easy due to the fact that not many people can read the human heart and not many people are willing to let themselves be vulnerable to anyone, even themselves.

Now, you are trying to work things out with your ex, but before that, have you both sat down and talk heart to heart about the issues that cropped during your relationship together? You talked about your trust issues and his lack of patience for it yet it is only mentioned about how he gave an ultimatum of being friends with his exes, but relationships can’t function on either or neither. You need compromise in an intimate relationship because if one person get their way all the time, it will only brewed resentment in the other party.

So have you talked? Have you sat down with each other and let out all your thoughts without judgement, without assumptions or presumptions? And it can’t only be just once, such talk require multiple meetings before anything can be digested and each perspectives put into view. You can’t assumed that just knowing that there are issues will mean that both parties will work toward the issues silently. You might have told him your feelings and he told you his feelings, but that was just speaking, not listening. It didn’t seem like you both tried to understand where the other might be coming from and so you wonder if he understood your feelings yet here you are wondering what his actions are suggesting.

Communications is not only speaking, but also listening. He might not be a good communicator, but if he really wants your relationship to work, then he will try. But you also have to try. No judgement, no assumptions about each other’s intentions. You cannot fathom another’s intention because you are not them. Unless you say anything or he say anything and you both try to understand without needing to be the one in the right, you both are leaving a wide area of uncertainty between you.

Talk with your ex, communication is an essential tool in any relationship. If you both don’t let each know about your thoughts and feelings, then only assumptions are there.

Good luck.