4 years is a long time to let go of. But believe me they will fade away with time – I ended a 5.5 year relationship about 3 years ago and now am with my current partner for 2 years. Time is the best healer and inside, there is still a lot of healing to be done – Enjoy your time with your new partner and become involved with you.

I kind of threw away every single thing my ex gave me, deleted his number from my phone (still seem to remember it though haha) and finished it all. But i still cried sometimes, felt sorrow and longing. certain songs i avoided which reminded me of my ex, Thats okay, its actually normal. I remember hearing this song which kind of described us perfectly –

“Ain’t it funny how some things,
look so different from afar
When it comes to me and you
The mirror stole our perfect view
Now there is nothing left we can do
And the story is done at last
For the ghost of flowers past”

Now its like, eh whatever, past is past. i finally have met someone who deserves me.

Regards
Moon

Hi Kate, I’m not really sure I can offer you much advise but what I can say is that I am in exactly the same position. In fact you were much more sensible than me, you gave your self some space to breath and met someone 7 months later, I met someone in 1 month and it’s now only been 4 months since me and my ex split (we were together for 3 years). But I know what you mean, this new person is lovely, many things that my ex started to loose during the time we were together. But it’s not the same. It doesn’t quite hold the same excitement. That rush.

I think Anita is right in the sense that you should not compare. I long for that bubbling exciting love again but I have to be open to the fact that this could blossom into a new different but equally beautiful love. I still hold on to this strange hope that me and my ex will meet again, in some freak coincidence and cosmos will correct everything but I’m starting to learn that’s not the right attitude. I also understand the impatient frustration of just wanting to let it go, being tired of him entering your head everyday and more than anything just wanting to be able to freely think of this new person in a loving romantic way without having those persistent thoughts loom over you. All we can do, like many have advised, is give it time… I hope you find some comfort in knowing that there are people just like you, trying to figure out the same things.

Some people are just temporary to be honest. We all have a soulmate, a destiny, a fate. And that just wasn’t with your ex for you. It’s ok to feel feelings toward him still because you’re a human– an emotional being. What’s important is you work on acceptance. Accepting that it’s done and over. You can’t dwell on something that is beyond your control. People come and go for different phases of our lives and some people are only meant to be there for a certain phase then leave. I promise you time heals. I promise you will find better and be happy again. You can and will find that connection with someone else.