Dear Sophie:

You wrote that you “the hole I’ve dug getting deeper and deeper everyday and I want out”- Maybe if you stop wanting out, you will find yourself out. Maybe the more you struggle to get out, the more you dig yourself in.

In other words, accept the way it is, don’t expect a change. Stop trying.

(Did you try… not trying?)

anita

Dear Sophie,

I’m in pretty much the same boat as you.  I haven’t felt there is any purpose in my life from as long ago as I can remember.   What strikes me about what you have done (and what I have done, too) is they are all basically solo activities, for one thing.  Knowing yourself and working on yourself are good things, but I don’t think we find what our purpose is by focussing solely on ourselves.  It certainly hasn’t worked for me.   I think it requires some sort of action outside of our heads.

We have to search for something that inspires us.  We have to try things that interest us or try things where we are helping someone or something else.  Some folks find they have curiosity about something that draws them in, such as maybe a scientific pursuit like figuring out the nature of the universe.   Some people have something bad happen to them and find that they don’t want that to happen to anyone else, so they work toward that goal.  Others see there is a need that some person or group has that is not being filled and find they can fulfil that need.   So, to me purpose breaks down into 2 general areas.  One, is a drive to explore or investigate something and the other is to help someone or something.  Either way, it’s something outside yourself… And you have to be ‘out there’ trying things for the serendipity to hit you! And maybe a big part of it really does boil down to not being in your own head all the time??

I’m just thinking out loud here, so I could be totally off-base.  But, I’m certainly talking to myself and trying to figure it all out, too…

Hope you are able to find your way in this world!!  It actually makes me feel good to try to help you, now that I think about it…   There is purpose in that…

Glenn

Hi Sophie,

I’ve felt this way before. For me it was my relationship with some toxic people in my life. Once I started to move on from those people, things started to get better. Not seeing them anymore didn’t help much. I had to decide to let them go. Is there anyone in your life that could be causing these negative feelings?

Also, as Glen mentioned, working on something meaningful and inspiring to you can also help infuse your life with purpose. What do you love to do?

Now that I think about it, that time in my life was a pretty self-centered time. I had some habits that were clouding my life that I needed to work on. I am now trying to focus on other people while developing the weaknesses in my self, and I don’t feel that detachment as strongly anymore. Maybe you might want to try helping a person or two a day, even if they don’t realize you tried to help them. As Glen noted, I think you will find by focusing on creating goodness for others, more goodness will come back into your own life.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Mark.

Hi @sophie,

I know exactly why you been feeling depressed and empty for years. Have you ever heard of law of attraction? It means the more you think about how empty, unmotivated, and depressed you feel the more you will continue to feel that way. I use to be like that for years when I had PTSD and I always thought why can’t I just be freaking happy? Why can’t my life be filled with good people and happiness? Why doesn’t anyone understand me and why can’t I get over this depression?

Those kind of negative thoughts will only spirial you down. When people try to help you by saying you need to be more positive and happy it can be hard to listen because you’re already gone so down that it’s hard to get back up. I want you to know that it’s not impossible and if you have reach a point of your life where you feel at your lowest just know that you can only go up from there.

No matter what you try to do to be happy the only way to be happy is to start appreciating and being grateful for the things you have now. If you can’t find happiness in those things right now then try to put your shoes in someone’s else place where it could be a lot worst. When I traveled to SE Asia and witness children and families with no home, no clothes, and no food all my thoughts of my problems went away and I start appreciating the little things I have in life like a roof over my head, family and friends who care about me, food on the table, clothes on my back, and the freedom to do whatever I want because I’m not in a place where I can barely survive to live.

You have to accept that things cannot happen overnight but instead take things day by day and it is a journey to happiness especially if you have been in this state for a long time. Once you realize what you have to live for things do get better. Life is beautiful dear and you only have one chance to live it so you can decide whether to live your life being sad and depressed or fill your life with love and happiness

Start by accepting that you want to be happy and that you can do it. Make a list of all the things you want to do in life and all the things to be grateful for and wake up every morning believing that today is going to be a good day. If you feel empty or sad try not to dwell on that but instead tell yourself “I’m not sad or empty and this feeling will go away” and that’s a good start. Then day by day tell yourself something that you “think” might make you feel good like “Wow this fried chicken taste amazing and I’m glad I can eat it” or “This park is beautiful I’m glad I can walk through it in this beautiful weather”. These things are little but it’s a small step and you’ll eventually learn to master it and find so many beautiful and wonderful things in life that will make you happy.

Thinking negatively about yourself will only hurt you so tell yourself that “Hey I want to be happy and I’m going to do whatever it takes to do it”. Law of attraction states if one person states only positive and uplifting thoughts then the universe in return will give them what they believe. You have the power to live your life and I promise you it’ll be a beautiful journey and you will find your happiness and eventually enjoy the gift of giving others happiness with the love and compassion that you give yourself first.

I really hope that helps and take it easy okay? It will be very difficult but you have to keep pushing yourself if you really want to be happy and I know you can do it!!