This might be a little bit of a read, and I apologize for that. I’ll include a tl;dr at the bottom. Just haven’t really ever gotten this off my chest to anyone other than my fiancée, who still somehow supports everything I do. I will forever be grateful for her.

As the title suggests, I’ve quit every job I’ve had. I couldn’t give you the exact number because it ranges anywhere from 1-2 a year to 6-7 a year, and I’ve been doing it since I was 18 (I’m now 26, if that helps tally the ridiculous sum).

I’ve just never found a job that I wasn’t miserable at in one way or another. Some were, admittedly, much more pleasant than others – and yet, I still quit! I’ve been told a million times that if it was enjoyable, it wouldn’t be called work, and I understand that. I, however, firmly believe that if you’re genuinely unhappy in any specific situation, you should (if possible) remove yourself from said situation. BUT there has to be a point where that goes from “mindful philosophy” to “lazy excuse”, right?

Most of my work history has been industrial work (because that’s mostly what’s available around me). There have been jobs I quit for legitimate reasons, such as safety or distance, but others I’ve just quit for… no real reason at all. It’s like the moment I detect that I have even an iota of unhappiness within a job, from that point on I can no longer force myself to stay.

There’s a particular emphasis on force myself to stay, because I quite literally cannot convince myself that that specific job is worth it at that point. I just come up with any and all excuses to justify my quitting before I even have time to process my own pathetic thoughts.

The worst part is that, immediately after walking out, I almost always regret it. One time I did actually call the company the moment I got into my car to let them know I’d walked out and was going home because I just couldn’t handle it that night, but to basically beg to be able to return the next day (hoping I would just get over myself, I guess). I hadn’t realized my phone bill was due (can’t remember why I hadn’t paid it or noticed beforehand, this was years ago), so the next day, my phone turned off. Well, when I had turned it back on, I had actually gotten a voicemail from that company saying they would allow me to come back. Because it took a while, I was blacklisted. I’m still upset about that. But should I be? Would that job have been just like every single other job I’ve had? Would I have just given up the moment things got even a smidge stressful?

For a bit of a personal background, I have pretty bad social anxiety, my family moved more than 50 times before I even turned 18 and I consequently attended several different schools a year, I’m transgender (quite a few of these industrial jobs don’t exactly have inclusive environments), I’ve picked up and dropped a multitude of hobbies (my most revisited is drawing and language study. I’m currently studying Japanese and Korean), and I’ve also quit every attempt I’ve made at higher education, although I actually love school and learning… I don’t understand that, either.

Maybe important??: I was recently diagnosed with ADHD-PI and medicated for it. I sincerely do not want to use having ADHD as an excuse. I’m honestly just exhausted with myself at this point, and I feel like just adding to the list of excuses I’ve used would only exacerbate whatever is wrong with me, let alone stall any possible solution. The medications have helped me concentrate so much, but until I’m able to find a job (I’ve burned so many bridges by now… not even sure where else to look), I won’t know if even maybe the ADHD has been a contributing factor to my wishy-washy job/school/responsibility-hopping.

There’s also the fact that sometimes I think maybe I subconsciously believe I’m almost too good for work. I don’t want to believe that, because I’ve got a whole host of insecurity problems, but why else would I immediately just give up when I’m presented with any sort of real work-related stress, like everyone else doesn’t have to deal with that too??

So I just… I don’t know *sigh*. I’m not even sure what the point of this post is. Venting? Looking for advice? Looking for others who may be or have been in a similar boat? I feel like I’m drowning, I’m the one who put myself there to begin with, and I’m the one still holding my own head underwater.

tl;dr: I’ve quit so many jobs. I just can’t seem to convince myself that going through apparently any sort of work-related stress is worth it, no matter how hard I want to want to work. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD-PI, but I’m not sure if that’s just another pathetic excuse to justify my laziness and self-righteousness (do I think I’m too good to work?) or a legitimate reason for always jumping from one thing to another, like my hobbies and even higher education. Is this something controllable or am I just lazy? Is there anything I could possibly do to change?

Thank you to any and all comments. Like I said, not sure what I’m trying to achieve or gain from this post. I just found this site and saw some similar posts, so I guess maybe I’m just throwing this out there in the hopes that someone might understand myself more than I do. Because at this point, I can’t stand myself.