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jealous of best friend

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  • #46008
    moodring
    Participant

    I am very jealous of my best friend and her good looks/charming personality. She always seems to get noticed first and people always have comments about how gorgeous she is and even how she is wasting her good looks by not modeling. I have no reason to feel she doesn’t deserve these comments, if anything she absolutely does!

    I just always feel like i am in a subconscious competition with her and get anxious that people like her more than me. It’s even harder when I like a boy and it comes time to bring them around her, I gets nervous that said boy will also like her more than me!

    I just want to feel comfortable and don’t want to be comparing myself to my own best friend like that 24/7. I know we are both different people and there are different attractive things about us. I know I am attractive and have a nice personality too I just don’t feel like I stick out as much and get cast in the shadows and don’t feel so great anymore.

    Any advice on how to calm this crazy (somewhat evil) feeling down?!?

    #46010
    Joseph
    Participant

    Other people might have better advice to give but let me just say this. Everyone truly does have their own qualities. And every person, guys included will value them differently. What you want is the guy you really like who also happens to really value what you are best at.

    Most definitely bring guys around her. The sooner the better. The best thing that can Galen is you see a guy you really like wants you more than her (Or anyone else). But the second best thing is to discover early on that a guy you like wants different qualities so you don’t waste emotional energy or time.

    I personally love how you can be so vulnerable and expressive. And I bet many guys who meet you will see that and many other wonderful qualities in you. Some will then crash against the rocks when your friend sounds her siren call. That’s OK. Because when you find the guys who don’t you have found people worth exploring on a deeper level.

    She sounds like she is great, but you do too. Remember there is only two of you and maybe each of you can handle like ten guys max 😉 so don’t worry thats just a small drop in the bucket of the man universe.

    #46019
    Katherine
    Participant

    I had a friend who would often go after the guy I was with when I was dating him. Some of the men I was around, didn’t pay much attention to her, but the one I liked the most (who wasn’t that into me), was mesmerized by her flirting and fell for her. This is someone I had dated for a couple of years (too long). So…now they are together…(she is still married) and I decided I will not be her friend any longer because of this aggressive behavior. I feel good for dropping this friendship and the guy as well. I don’t wish either of them will but don’t want to be around anyone who only looks after their own gain with disregard for a friendship, etc. I feel there is definitely someone else out there for me.

    #46020
    Katherine
    Participant

    I meant to say…I don’t wish either ill will….

    #46024
    moodring
    Participant

    thanks so much for your reply/advice! i just have one question what does “Galen” mean?

    “The best thing that can Galen is you see a guy you really like wants you more than her (Or anyone else).”

    #46026
    Joseph
    Participant

    It was supposed to say happen But the autocorrect changed the wrote and I didn’t catch it

    #46027
    moodring
    Participant

    @comfixit oh okay makes more sense! haha. i appreciate everything you say. even some of my ex’s in the past have mentioned her in ways i felt uncomfortable or in my paranoid mind thought they were making comments about her because they were interested in her (hard to explain). A (somewhat bad) example would be: a boy i was with once asked me if i told my friends about how good in bed he is as we were”sexting” one day. The problem was that she is literally my only good friend, which he knows, and i felt like he was just trying to find out what she thought about him to boost his ego.

    #46031
    Cari
    Participant

    My sister is one of my best friends. I was jealous of my little sister for a long time. It seemed like she had all the things I have always wanted; a super sweet husband who lavishes gifts on her, a wonderful son, a baby on the way, her own house… This jealousy seemed to really keep us from connecting. One day, spur of the moment I told my sister that I was jealous of her. She was so surprised! She then proceeded to tell me how her life is filled with anxiety and how it affects every moment. She also went on to tell me about all of the wonderful things she has seen me do and how brave I am.
    So my advice to you is this, maybe you should in a casually share your jealousies. You might be surprised to find out that her life isn’t as perfect as it may seem. It may help you to become closer and it may also help get rid of that green eyed monster.

    #46032
    Joseph
    Participant

    You talk about your mind being paranoid etc… It kind of makes me curious and this may be a bit personal so really no need or expectation that you would be comfortable answering.

    How do you feel about the feelings(i.e. jealousy you have with respect to guys and your friend.)?

    What if they were interested in her and your mind was not paranoid? What conclusion(s) would you make?

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by Joseph.
    #46060
    moodring
    Participant

    @Cari I love your advice! one day I hope to maybe get the courage to do that. i enjoy sharing my feelings with others and respect honesty to the utmost. i know how close i am to her so i know a lot of her flaws/weaknesses as well. i feel like sometimes i might say something that may give off the jealousy vibe or a subtle way of letting her know how i feel in the moment and gets a little awkward. and i never try to show that in a evil vindictive way, maybe just a playful comment but just hasn’t seemed to go over right yet. thanks so much.

    #46074
    moodring
    Participant

    @comfixit well number one, i definitely dislike those feelings of jealously. i don’t think i have the confidence in myself to subside that feeling completely though, meaning i have nothing that’s ’better’ than her to help me fall back on to give myself that confidence boost. especially in the looks department. i’ve had an experiences before with a different friend with a boy i liked where they would go behind my back.

    i don’t know if that carried over to her even though i’ve been friends with the two girls for the same amount of time! so basically my feelings get hurt and i get anxious about going out with her and her meeting people that i am close with and those feelings suck! it’s especially hard to talk about that with others as well. just dont know what to do about it…

    number 2- the only thing that makes me feel better with any situation with her is that the type of boys we like are usually not the same. at least the kinds we’ve dated in the past anyway! i am not sure how i would feel if i didn’t have those paranoid feelings because i’ve never NOT felt that way. is it even possible? i know one boy i used to hook up with met her recently and now has been messaging her a few times to meet for drinks and what not.

    i was even confused how they had each others numbers and when i playfully ask the response is usually a somewhat awkward ”i dont know.” i am not romantically interested in him but i was once so it still makes me feel weird. i also know she isn’t interested in him either and she’s the type to not ignore people because she likes everyone to like her so i am assuming she messaged him back at one point without telling me which is fine i just dont get why i feel so awful. so to your second question i have no idea?! i need some emotional guidance.

    #46118
    Joseph
    Participant

    @moodring that response was really raw and genuine. I love it. But would you be more comfortable writing in a bit less public of a forum as you seem to be getting into some really personal stuff?

    If so feel free to email me my Google chat/email is amazingjoe

    @gmail.com

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