yes correct i wish to take that step but my courage to do it is low. i am the type to make things work and try hard to work around situations. so if i do it, will be hard to get there. i also know that if my husband found out he will decline it and try hard to avoid this happening because he does not want his parents to think they were right when they said not to go ahead with this marriage….he does not want to prove them right, he rather prove them wrong. i see other posts where someone is about to get into a similar situation as me. for me, i did not seek advice at the time from anyone before entering this mess and as you can see im tied in and stuck in a situation that probably was avoidable….i wasnt having luck meeting guys being introduced to me or online dating and the pressure was on as my younger sister tied the knot before me. so i was in a clouded judgement and going for anything to get the deal done without really thinking if this is right or not (again did not know these forums existed). if someone just told me, dont do this its not right etc i probably would of listened but i remember at the time i could not even get onto free counselling that i use to get via my company!

your comment about opportunities is helpful and it makes me think of one missed opportunity that i had where i met a man after my civil wedding but not the indian wedding and he was ready to see me again and we felt attracted to one another and even exchanged numbers. that opportunity for me was a key one and of course i could not do anything with them as i was “half” married. if i hadnt been rushed to do a civil wedding, i would of dropped everything being engaged only and ran off but the timing did not work out. later found out, that i had been on a first date with this brother so thinking it would of been awkward and not worked out. he also mentioned that i dont seem happy in the relationship, at the time was living with my parents even though i was legally married. but for me this is a key missed opportunity. your other comments helped me avoid useless regrets. but yes your right with the rest of it.

i have one question though, why do mother in laws behave toxic or want the worst for their kids and not be happy? i see many posts on here with toxic mothers behaving inappropriately….

i found a support group online for marriage but so far no one is set as an organiser of it. looks all new to me. london based.

yes it will be hard to proceed but isnt it cowardly to say no to meet for get togethers? i rather face the crude people than sit at home hiding away. im usually known as being brave but i guess facing them can result in hurt. sometimes space is good and i let time heal. re his mother, she can sometimes be nasty indirectly to me by making comments or at times say nothing at all, pretty much hit and miss and i guess it hurts seeing how my child is spending time with others and the bond or relationships she is making and her general interactions with others which is something i will miss by staying away. i have good relations with the dads side and usually go to most events. anyhow i will try to work it out but the hint of doing legal separation to my husband has already caused him to be on high alert and he has dismissed the idea but is afraid ill do it.

i have noticed im around toxic people in my life, every single one is toxic. i cannot find one good person which is a shame. includes my whole family and then my husbands family – parents and sister. extended family not included on that list. its hard because there is nobody to lean on? possibly friends are a good mix but none of which i can talk to freely like this. a support group is good but have to seek out on one. i have attended one EDS support group so far but wasnt able to chat to anyone there, was more of a presentation if anything. i guess i was afraid to strike a conversation but was not useful.

yes my husband is honest and decent but selfish too. he is actually a honest guy and lots of people told me im lucky to have him, but really am i?!?!

yep your comments are accurate, not much more to add there. the fear is there but i am brave to do it and once the idea sinks in because it hasn’t by the way then maybe i can be strong enough to do it.

yep there is regret but it only came across more recently, sometimes you think you have a child and things can change or improve but clearly not. i was also not mature or wise at the time of taking the step of marriage etc – i am a very naive person which has cost me alot in the past. i am more so wise now after the experiences and already know i will be wise for decisions in the future.

with people behaving a certain way to me, my husband thinks its because i dont communicate well or rub people up the wrong way which ive been told by someone at work too. im not sure if its me or them and it goes back to my original post of why is there a continuous cycle of rudeness coming at me again and again….

thanks anita, you say it all so clearly and it really makes me think clearly as to the situation i am in or what i may be in, in the future! your words hit hard and you make me realise the hard facts and reality of my situation or predicament, its exactly what i need to help me out of this bubble or blurry cloud i am in. it is helping me understand why people behave a certain way as well. sorry for the late reply. i think i need help in asserting myself and communicating, i am trying to since we spoke and it helps but for instance at work, my boss spoke to me by raising his voice and again was rude. i tried to reply back and be assertive but not sure if he got the point. i think he is taking advantage of my kindness or something else is bothering him? i did msg him later and ask if he is ok and then said you didnt seem happy earlier. but my approach needs improving. i want to speak to him or show him that he cant speak to me like that and raise his voice and not give me a chance to explain myself. he tends to assume the worst in the work i produce without realising that i havent done anything wrong and that i was right. he jumps the gun and quickly assumes that the process i took was wrong when in fact i just said it out wrong and ive done it correctly. i noticed silence is a pain and he gives me silence when we talk over the phone probably to assert his authority but this is someone who seems difficult to me as is the rest of the team i work in.

yes can we work on this motivation of speaking up when someone has spoken rudely and being assertive. my communication is poor and i can see that at times myself.

regarding my husband and his family, yes things wont change even if i communicate better but im testing out if i can speak more clearly to see if there is some change at all. ive spoken to my husband about the topics raised here and he seems to have taken a step back and isnt as nasty as he was – want him to realise that this isnt me but them as the problem. his mother in laws wants me to take a car ride with them to her sisters house to visit her sick husband – im very hesitant to do this in case her sister throws harsh remarks at me as they all love to do that!!!