just need to stop crying when i think about it

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This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 5 months ago by pinchofattitude.

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May 31, 2017 at 8:19 pm #151474

Zariah
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So I haven’t posted in a while, mainly because I’ve been finishing up a lot of work and I didn’t have time to keep up with other activities. I’m posting now because I’ve had a lot of issues that happened to me recently, but the problem I’m about to discuss right now is the one that has emotionally drained me. This is the problem that I can’t move on from. During the last part of 2016 struggling a lot financially and multiple other problems came up that was really hard to deal with at the time. Through hard work I came out of that hole and earlier this year I decided to tell a very close friend about my feelings for them.

Background on this friend and what happened – I knew him for two years and I thought we hit it off. I was sure that my feelings for him were definitely there. I could talk to him about anything and honestly as a friend there is nothing I would change about him. I was so confident in my own feelings that I was guarded around him because in the beginning of our friendship he was in a committed relationship. Afterwards, I found out he wasn’t in that relationship anymore. Maybe I’m a bad person but I was strangely happy about that. I decided to tell him after about 9 months from the breakup. I just couldn’t hold it in anymore and at that point I thought it’s better to get an answer than just wondering all the time. So on that day I told him and he didn’t reciprocate. I did feel better that I told him but the following weeks were terrible. I would just randomly cry and to this day I still cry whenever I think about him. I just need help, how do I make this go away? If you need more details please ask. I know I didn’t explain as best as I can but thought a summary would be better than overwhelming everyone with details.

June 1, 2017 at 2:21 am #151500

Smile
Participant

i can see you are a very emotional…

There is a possibility he was shocked by what you said, maybe he was not expecting it..

What i want you to do is this – Try to be calm, dont bug him about the issue, keep talking to him in a normal way.

He will definitely reach out to you.

Note: You are not a bad person. (going by your story)

You can add more details if you wish..

June 1, 2017 at 3:18 am #151502

Susannah
Participant

Dear Zariah,

Sorry to hear about the situation. It is possible that he had no idea about your romantic feelings; platonic friendship truly is possible.

Have you met each other ever since & talked about this?

June 1, 2017 at 4:42 am #151504

Inky
Participant

Hi Zariah,

Everyone likes to be liked, and I’m sure you made him feel great about your confession. The awkwardness (for both of you) only comes from it being one way.

I know how you feel. You could feel like you truly bonded with someone because it may be hard to normally have a deep connection with anyone generally, but for the other person it is so easy and they could connect with anyone. Then there’s the flip side of someone harboring a crush on you for years and years and you have no flipping idea! BOTH have happened to me! It is maddening.

Why you’re crying: Well, he may have been your safe person during the storms of the past year and since the confession he is no longer “safe” on some level. It is also a feeling of a loss of control when we are rejected in that “If HE turned me down and I knew him so well, what would random people do?”

In time you will get over your embarrassment. He will reach out, I’m sure. Which can make it feel worse. But you will get through it. Bonus: when you get in your next relationship he will probably look at you with renewed eyes! (Human nature)

Best,

Inky

June 1, 2017 at 7:08 am #151520

Zariah
Participant

@Smile- Yes I’ve been calm the entire time. I didn’t bug him about the issue and if anything I talked to him less than I usually do. I just didn’t initiate the conversation as much mainly for myself. I need time to get back to being friends but that is definitely something I want in my life. I believe there are a select few I can be really close with so once I have those people in my life I rarely let go of that relationship quickly. Right now I’m giving it as much space as possible. We hung out before with another friend and he did say if you ever want to hang out lets hang out. He even told me when he is leaving and coming back from his trip. I know that’s because he still wants to be my friend. We are both appreciative of each other and get into deep conversations. I guess looking at it now I felt like telling him was a good idea because I can appreciate him more as a friend. The reason I feel so tormented by this is because I have another friend that knows what’s going on and they basically said he was just “emotionally dating” me. I don’t really believe that to be true because he can’t help it if we just met and we connect on that level. It doesn’t mean he has to start a relationship with me. That’s too much pressure for anyone, even me. Even though I can rationalize this, I still cry when I think about it. I’m just wondering will it always be like that? I don’t have much experience with this but I don’t want it to be like that. I still want to see my friend.

@Susannah- Saying platonic friendships are possible truly makes me feel better. We’ve talked so many times after that but not about this.

@Inky- it could be where I’m scared of rejection too. The thing is when other guys approach me I’m not scared of rejection from them later on. I feel like deep down I could really connect with him which is super hard for me. That’s why I think it hurts more.

Thank you for your replies!

June 1, 2017 at 7:31 am #151524

pinchofattitude
Participant

Hey Zariah,

Thank you for sharing your story and it is very normal for you to feel this way. When a confession is made about our feelings to another person and they don’t reciprocate, it sucks and it will bother you for while but not forever, I promise.

The feeling of embarrassment and rejection are once again normal. I wasn’t in your shoes a few years back but I was in your friend’s when my best friend of 5 years told me that he liked to be more than a friend, I was silent too. Why? Because I didn’t expect it and I’ve never thought of him that way or even knew that he liked me beyond our friendships. What you are doing is right, give him some time to process and he will slowly come back to you and both of you will get over the awkwardness.

The fact that he still keeps you in the loop of his life meant that he still wants to be around you and friend with you. Time will tell what is going to happen, for now, please stop focusing on what others think rather and how he feels, he will talk to you once he is ready just like I did with my friend Alvin. Stay busy and try to stay to do other things that keep your mind off the topic.

xoxo

Pinch of Attitude.
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