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pinchofattitude

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 23 total)
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  • #151536
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hey greenshade,

    I can see why you want to revert back to your old self when losing a relationship when you put so much time into it cannot be easy.

    Like anything else in life, when everything is going well, everyone is happy and willing to interact with you but when the opposite happens that is when you know who you real friends who.

    From what I can understand based on what you wrote is you want to improve the way you deal with people rather than “to run and isolate yourself”, with this in mind you cannot focus on what others do but to focus on yourself and what you can control.

    If you can do that, things will change for you and it might also bring back some of the people that you once enjoy the company and start the process of interaction again.

    xoxo

    Pinch of Attitude.

    #151524
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hey Zariah,

    Thank you for sharing your story and it is very normal for you to feel this way. When a confession is made about our feelings to another person and they don’t reciprocate, it sucks and it will bother you for while but not forever, I promise.

    The feeling of embarrassment and rejection are once again normal. I wasn’t in your shoes a few years back but I was in your friend’s when my best friend of 5 years told me that he liked to be more than a friend, I was silent too. Why? Because I didn’t expect it and I’ve never thought of him that way or even knew that he liked me beyond our friendships. What you are doing is right, give him some time to process and he will slowly come back to you and both of you will get over the awkwardness.

    The fact that he still keeps you in the loop of his life meant that he still wants to be around you and friend with you.  Time will tell what is going to happen, for now, please stop focusing on what others think rather and how he feels, he will talk to you once he is ready just like I did with my friend Alvin. Stay busy and try to stay to do other things that keep your mind off the topic.

    xoxo

    Pinch of Attitude.

    #151508
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Looks good Anita and yes you are right, any biography has some fiction in it but as long as it doesn’t overshadow the truth on the story of the person you are trying to tell is ok.

     

    #150820
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hey Lisa,

    How are you doing? Hope you are feeling a bit better the more you write on this forum. Sorry that I couldn’t be as responsive as I would like to be due to my sickness.

    Keep fighting and looking forward to hearing more from you.

    Love,

    Pinch of Attitude

    #149497
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hey Lisa,

    sorry for being absent for a while, I caught a really bad cold and now doing much better. How are you? Wow, thank you for sharing more of your life story. I”m very proud, do you feel better after all of this?

    You wrote that you intentionally sabotaged your relationship but yet you have people who believe in you and want you to do well. I was in the same place as you a few years back until I met my husband who through his patience taught me a few things about life itself. One thing I want you to do is to stop sabotage the good relationships that you have and always offer gratitude that they are with you and care for you. Don’t take them for granted and learn to see that you are a beautiful, smart, STRONG and funny woman.

    Correct me if I’m wrong but from what you have written so far, though you went through so many tough situations in your life and yet you kept on fighting and you admit to your own mistakes and problems. I mean you have to pat yourself on the back for that and I’m glad to see you used “LOL” that put a smile on my face as I imagined you smiling and laughing on little typo errors you do or we all do:)

    Keep on writing my friend, I’ll be here to read and offer as much advice as I can to make you feel better and do better.

    Love.

    Pinch of Attitude:)

    #148111
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hi Lisa,

    How are you doing? Sorry I was a bit caught up with work and couldn’t respond to you fast enough. Hope you are doing well.

    Therapy can be quite costly, I have to stop mine as well due to that reason. A few years back, what I decided to do was to re-evaluate my life, who I want to be around with, read a lot of books and blogs and took self-inventory which I recommended to most of my friends and colleagues who went through the same thing as I did.

    Self-Inventory helped me see a lot of my good values that I thought I didn’t have. when I started the process I was honest with myself though I was very negative at that time. I realized that I was smart, beautiful, funny and very capable of many things if only I can drag myself out of bed and just do it. It was so hard but I got through it.

    I only have to disassociate myself with a few of my friends who didn’t add any positive value in my life and moved out from my roommate and her husband and found peace with myself.

    I hope sharing a bit of my stories will help you to see that you will be better and you need to find what works for you. If you’d like, try my method and let’s talk maybe something else you haven’t tried that can take away these negative energy slowly.

    Love

    Pinch of Attitude

    #147883
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hey Lisa,

    Thank you for sharing your story, you are a fighter, though you went through so much and yet you are still fighting to find peace in your life. I can really appreciate that about you.

    I would be lying if I say I know exactly how you feel, but growing up with an abused mother, the feeling of unwanted and not good enough are very familiar with me a few years back.  I also saw a therapist twice a week over 6 months period. From what I can understand, you saw a therapist when you were still in high school, would you consider going back? The reason I asked is that now that you are more mature and able to understand your feelings better, it might be a good idea to give it another try and see how you will progress.

    Focus on you and how you feel is a priority, having the childhood that you had there are many layers that you will need to jot down as to what issue you want to tackle first.

    I’m going to wait until you’re back and let me know what you think so far. This way I can continue with a better advice.

    Love.

    Pinch of Attitude

    #147769
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hi Lisa,

    I’m sorry to hear about how you feel about yourself and hope that you feel better soon enough to tell us your childhood and a bit more on your past which will help to give a better advice.

    From what I have experienced, nothing is too late in life no matter how old we are, unless we decide to not give it a try. In your case, I can see that you are willing to seek help to create a better outlook on your current situation so it’s not late to fix the situation.

    Looking forward to hearing more about you.

    pinch of attitude

    #145457
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hey Silly One,

    All I can see is the list of all the negatives, where are the positives? I know that we all are good at something, not everything but something that is why we’re always learning. Nobody is destined to be a failure unless you choose to, everything you do in life is a choice.

    I don’t believe that you are not good at anything if you don’t know what you want yet in life that makes you happy, I would recommend that you do not invest in additional education until then.

    Ask yourself these questions:

    What makes me happy? (You said you do know what you don’t want, this means the opposite is what you want), what am I good at in my job?, what do I want in life that makes me satisfy? What do I have that most people don’t? (good friends? good health? good family?)

    There are many resources out there that can help you figure out what you want to do in life. The more energy you put focusing on what you hate, the more stuck you feel. Why don’t you try to change course and put that energy toward educating yourself through self-help books that will enlight you to what you are asking?

    Everything is a choice, so don’t feel that there is no way out, you are still young and nothing is too late until you choose to make it so.

    Cheers.

     

     

    #145337
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hey Annie,

    I got fired a few years back while dealing with depression and so I understood what you are going through. I had a bad boss who wasn’t only patience with me but took the time to put in negatives to my other superior about my performance which wasn’t true at all. Like Anita said, a lot of situations are “WIn-Lose”.

    This was what I did:

    – Took Self-Inventory, I asked these questions. What am I good at? What skills do I have that make me valuable to the job market? What are the fears that I allow to hold myself back?

    – Appreciate the time off but never give up on searching for that dream job. I know that some people cannot afford to take time off but sometimes you need to give your mind rest in order to win the battle.

    -Spent time with friends and family whom I have neglected (it was very hard since I didn’t want to get out but I’m glad I forced myself to do it)

    – Looked for free/cheap online classes that I can take to improve what I need. I suggested to check out https://www.udemy.com/courses/ I still use it till today.

    Looking back, I’m grateful that I got fired from the job because I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Right now you cannot see it but I’ll promise it will get better if you keep going.

    Please keep posting and you can reach out to me if you’d like to discuss more. Hopefully, I help you in some way, but losing a job is not something easy to get over with.

    Love.

    #144849
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hi jean115,

    Hope you are feeling better after sharing your story, so thank you for letting us in and help out.

    What happened to us as a child is what wire how we think and what we are today. One great thing is that you recognized it and improved upon to become better and you also mentioned that you found your passion, good job!

    The relationship that you are in right now sounds wonderful so don’t let any negative thoughts or energy affect it. I know that because you went through so much in your past that you still deep down believe you don’t deserve to be happy! PLEASE STOP! You do! What you can do is introduce him slowly about your past and how you feel about the relationship and especially him. Observe his reactions and go forth from there, if he wants exclusivity he is seeing something in you that he wants and ensure that you only with him.

    If you said that you have a new attitude about having fun, LEARN and have no expectation then believe in those words because so far it’s doing well for you. LET GO of your past or you will not be able to build the future that you want! Having some fear in your life is good, it keeps you cautious about the things you decide to do but don’t let it run your life and same things with rejection. Remember NO means “Next Opportunity” so go on and enjoy life.

    Love.

    #144845
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hi Anna,

    This issue hits home for me, not because I was in one but someone very close to me is and I hope after reading this you don’t make the same mistake as she did.

    A close friend of mine always wanted kids, a great career and financial independence. So when she met her now husband, she knew that somehow he doesn’t want kids and not career driven as she wanted him to be. What he has that she cannot let go of is he is funny and likable by everyone and that brought a lot of attention on her and get her more friends the life of popularity. Fast forward 4 years after, they have a dog, no kids but lots of friends where praise them both how good they are with each other in public/Facebook. Every time we would meet, she would start talking about kids and that she is happy without them, they are the life ruiner and so forth. I was the only one who advised her to let go of the relationship because it went against everything she wanted in life and her passion/purpose for it but sadly all her new friends who love her husband so much said otherwise.

    So here are my thoughts on your story, you have invested so many years in this relationship already, have open and honest talk with him and give him another chance to change if things don’t move the way you want it and you still feel unhappy, stuck and most importantly no sense of purpose in life with him. It’s time to cut the rope and heal yourself to reach out for things that put a smile on your face. My hope is that you don’t blame yourself for this but learn from it to become stronger because everyone deserves to be happy.

    Good luck Anna.

    Love!

    #144841
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hey J:)

    You did the most wonderful thing by opening up and looking for support. I love that about anyone who has the courage to do that as most people I came across don’t have that in them. So Kudo to you!

    Though it is a 3 months period, sometimes when you find that someone who click with you and make you feel like yourself, I understand why you fall in love so intensely.

    The good thing is that now you know what you want and what makes you happy, though it will be hard in the next few weeks, remember that each person your encounter in life will teach you something. So you have the support from Tiny Buddha’s community to get you through this and this too shall pass:)

    Hang in there!

    Love

    #144029
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hi Cee,

    I hope my message is not too late and sorry if I sound a bit harsh but speaking from experience, people with baggages need to figure out what they want in life and reorganize where they want to be and with what type of people. I was in a relationship like yours once where he just broke up with his fiance 1 year ago and it was hard for him to move forth as he keeps comparing everyone to her.

    So I decided to give him his space and move on with my life because I know everyone and include yourself deserve to be happy and love rightfully. I am now in a happy relationship. So enjoy all the good moments and learn from the unhappy ones because life is about learning and grow.

    Good luck and I know you will be ok.

    Take Care.

     

     

    #143963
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hey  katyakatyakatya, that is a great attitude. Good luck!

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 23 total)