September 13, 2017 at 1:57 pm #168580
I just wanted to share my feelings –
I am in mid thirties, divorced for 3 years, after a very turbulent long on odd relationship followed by equally turbulent marriage. I did some self study in last few years, realized my childhood with narcisstic parents contributed to some of my issues…have matured in many ways….still reeling from the loss of my marriage although it was not a very healthy relationship, ups and downs, constant fears. Sometimes I fear what if I don't find anyone again and have to live alone for the rest of my life or for many many years. I have been lonely in many ways for as long as I remember. I just hope God sends the right person in my life. I am ofcurse so cautious this time. I don't know how all I even fall in love now. But I get attracted to ppl and start making my imaginary dreams and then nothing really moves …I realize o have been day dreaming about falling in love right from very childhood…gosh it's been such a long waitSeptember 14, 2017 at 5:03 am #168610
I think most people think like this, so you are by no means alone!
Well, what if you were single for the rest of your life? Many people are and are totally happy. Also, you ironically have more room for romances if you are unattached. As long as you have friends, family, a good livelihood, and some sort of community around you, you will be fine!
And it's totally normal to fantasize about people. It's just another “bone” for the mind to chew on. If you weren't ruminating about that, it would likely be something else.
You'll be fine, and will probably find someone!
InkySeptember 14, 2017 at 5:57 am #168616
Thank you Inky! Your words mean a lot – I think my biggest fear was I won't get married – I did. Then the separation – well I got divorced. So I have lived my worst fears already, life is fine. There are losses to be grieved but well there are good things in life too. And am glad you said – not just that I will find someone but also, I will be fine, gen if I don't, like many ppl don't.
One day at a time…couple of years back I couldn't imagine my life without my ex, but today I am living a decent life, in some years, living alone will probably not be that much of a fear.September 14, 2017 at 8:55 am #168650
I sure can identify with you Kindle, I share some of the same worries, it's not always fun being single. But at this point in my life I'm trying to learn to be okay with it. I feel that things happen for reasons we don't understand, and maybe by taking this time and using it in a positive way, by trying to get to know myself a little better. I went through a very miserable and heartbreaking divorce as well and like you, I'm very cautious and untrusting now. Mainly untrusting of my own judgement, but I”m finding as time passes that I am okay being single. I've learned a lot about myself and what makes me tick and am realizing that what I was looking for in my marriage was someone who could make me happy and who I could make happy as well. But that isn't how it works, the only person who can make you happy is yourself, happiness doesn't come from the outside, it comes from inside. The same with love, it is something that also comes from the inside. So, I am trying to learn to first love myself and believe that I am worthwhile person, deserving of all the joy there is as much as anyone else. Maybe someday I will feel confident enough in my own body that I won't attract people that only prey on my weaknesses, but who will honor me as I do myself. And of course, if that happens, it will feel right to honor them as well.