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Lack of self belief

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  • #84856
    JB
    Participant

    Hi,

    I am writing this thread because I really really desperately need help
    I have had problems in my work ethics, at one stage I was hard working, confident, independent and successful
    However, over the years, with negativity, bad relationships, wrong decisions and continuous setbacks, they have all impacted me very personally
    After much self – analysis, I have figured it’s by lack of self belief that’s keeping me from going ahead and getting motivated. I am in fact the complete opposite the person I was years ago
    I is also negatively impacting my relationships with the people I love and care about, most of the time my self doubt creating a fear of judgement and lack of trust in relationships, I feel like i’m the person that brings negativity in other people’s happiness and life
    Right now, i’m actually at a crucial breaking point, more alone than I’ve ever felt in my life.

    But how do I gain back that belief, where do I even start from?
    For my, my failures have reached beyond point zero, I don’t think it gets worse than my situation
    I can’t push myself because I have forgotten hard work and effort, in a way in which I can’t seem to start from anywhere

    Please, I just someone out there to listen to me and understand me and help me get through this? the point is, how do you even start and get through this?

    #84865
    anita
    Participant

    Dear JB:

    Can you give more details about the “negativity, bad relationships, wrong decisions and continuous setbacks” in your life, those that changed you from hard working, confident, independent and successful to … unmotivated, not confident, dependent (on whom?) and not successful (how were you successful before and how are you not now?)

    I can give you no advice without details…

    anita

    #84967
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi JB,

    Is it possible that you were working hard but didn’t get much reward ~ over the course of years? That you’d work and work and work and get maybe just a head-nod and a five dollar raise? Then you’d think, even subconsciously, “This is it?? Why bother?” That bleeds into your relationships too, by the way! Sure, in the beginning, you were rewarded a lot! But it’s harder to go from Level 10 to Level 11 in games or in Life than it is from going from Level 1 to Level 2 when we’re younger.

    You might be “Stuck” between Levels.

    Best,

    Inky

    #84969
    Mike
    Participant

    If I were to give you advice I would really be stealing words from others that I have heard them from. Napolean Hill “In his own words” or “Think and Grow rich” he is really a great motivational speaker, his story is fantastic, and it is like being kicked in the butt by someone. He is on Youtube as well if you go on there and search. Then the other is the “Power of Ambition” by Jim Rohn what he says is really good stuff.

    Do you suffer from depression? It sounds like you may, if so seeing a doctor or therapist can maybe help you shed light on why you feel how you do. Not that doctors can cure everything but sometimes our brain chemicals get out of wack. Or if you don’t like doctors look at your diet and sleep quality, it is amazing how much people over look the most important aspects of being alive. Like someone complains of feeling like crap all the time, yet they are putting garbage in their bodies and not drinking enough H2O instead they drink coffee and sodas which give us little boost, but dehydrate thus a person is left feeling lethargic. They get caffeine through out the day and then a beer or wine with dinner to calm them down and help them sleep, they heard it was “healthy” so they think they are doing good. Not only that simple stuff, but the stuff in food is also the building blocks of everything in our bodies. Would you run a car without oil, trans fluid, brake fluid? How about with out windshield washer fluid? Sure the car runs fine, but if it is winter and there is salt on the roads good luck seeing. Headlights and taillights? Risk getting ticket or an accident. I think it is pretty obvious the car need to be operating smoothly together as a whole in order to be functional and be safe. Our bodies are like that times a million, because we can feel when something isn’t right. Our stomach doesn’t feel right because we ate the food we knew we shouldn’t. We didn’t get enough sleep because we wanted to stay up and watch a show. Our vision is blurry, but we hate glasses and can’t even think of putting contacts on our eyeballs. The list is endless of how little things affect how we feel. Some people are too scared to go to the doctor because they don’t want to hear something is wrong with them, or they are too macho usually its men, get over and go, get the blood work and find out if it is medically related. I don’t know if this is you, you weren’t that specific, but maybe?

    It may be time for you to start over, you have lost the passion. Work takes up a lot of our life so if you are not happy with your work then you are not happy a third of most days, that becomes insufferable. Some people are easily bored if they stay at one place too long, so sometimes a change in scenery is good. What does it hurt to just see what else is out there?

    Develop a philosophy of life. The stoics always hit a spot with me, because they emphasize not taking anything for granted. Enjoy things when they are good, but don’t be attached to those things and they even recommend mental exercises where you imagine yourself losing the things and people you love they think that it allows us to be more appreciative our time with them then. They are not pessimists as they may sound. The book “A guide to the Good Life” by William B. Irving is a good place to learn about it. Or go straight to the source and read up on Marcus Aurelius who was an emperor of Rome, Seneca, and Epictetus as well many others.

    Hope I could be of some help,
    Mike

    #85124
    JB
    Participant

    Hi Anita, Inky and Mike.

    Firstly, thank you soooo much for replying to my help. I’m sorry for such a late reply to your messages, but the truth is that for the last few days, I had been contemplating whether to reply or not, since this is the first time I have ever opened up to anyone.
    In the end, I have decided to go ahead and do so anyway

    Mike – I think that you are right. Although I’ve been battling this thought for a long time, I do actually believe I may be hit with depression. And I was so shocked that someone I’ve never even met could so accurately describe me, I do have an eating problem, where I have gained a lot of weight over the last year, and constantly eat a lot of junk food. I feel that I binge eat a lot, and yes, I constantly feel sluggish. At first I thought it was normal, due to my work stress, but over time I’ve come to realize it may be deeper than that. Thank you so much for your advice on that.

    To Anita: sorry for not giving the details. It is my first time that I have ever opened up about my challenges with anyone, so it was difficult for me to write.
    By the “negativity, bad relationships, wrong decisions and continuous setbacks”, I meant that over the years, I have learnt to trust the wrong people, that has I feel changed me for the worst, but at the same time these are the type of people I seem to attract in my life. My relationships have gone bad, I stop working hard as I once used you, and lack work passion that I once had, because I don’t feel confident enough to put the same effort in work projects, I guess now I just simply do my job.
    I feel that I’m stuck in a career I dislike, because it is easier than what I really want to be, which I’m not sure I will be able to get into.
    Before, my success was based on not just my dedication to work, but rather my commitment to other things, like I used to volunteer a lot, fund raise for a lot of causes, and was quite social.
    But over the years I have started to withdraw, find no passion in helping other, choose to believe the worst in people as well as just get through my day.
    I know it does come from lack of self – belief, but the truth is that I don’t know where to even start…How do yo just wake up one day and start believing in your self??

    #85130
    anita
    Participant

    Dear JB:

    I think that you should not try to go back to the way you used to be: dedicated to your job, volunteered a lot, quite social, etc. It is time to examine your life, what happened and come to a new place in your mind that will be unlike what you used to be and unlike what you are right now. Changes have to be made to your core beliefs about who you are and what life should be for you.

    You trusted untrustworthy people in the past? You no longer do, being withdrawn, believing the worst in people./ The new way would be a result of learning from your recent experiences and being very selective about who you trust,trust those who are worthy of it and not those who are not. And learning can be taking your time evaluating a person before deciding if they are worthy of trust and what kind of trust.

    I am very familiar with binge eating and my improvement on this issue has been very slow but I am making much progress, now four years after my overeating of before took the bingeing route. Bingeing and other symptoms of distress, whatever their label is, mean that you are distressed and things are not okay in your life. CHANGES have to be made.Changes from attitudes to behaviors to probably, your job.

    Can you afford a good psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Can you read about CBT from a clear, simple to understand source.. there is info on this very website on it. Write again, I hope.

    anita

    #85233
    JB
    Participant

    Dear annita,
    Thank you so much for you advice, it has really helped me and I have taken it on
    I have spent the past few days researching CBT and it’s something i’m soon planning on undertaking
    Other than that, I really respect you for the advice you have given me, and these are things I am trying to work on
    Thank you so much for your help, it really means a lot to me

    #85264
    anita
    Participant

    Dear JB:

    You are very welcome. I appreciate your kind gratitude. Please post anytime on this thread or in a new one and I will respond.

    anita

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