Hi Shinnen

Lovely to see you! 🩵 😄

When I think of letting go, I think of resistance to what people don’t want.

Emotional reactions last for 90 seconds in the body and thinking about things keeps feelings alive beyond that.

The brain works in a funny way so if your mind perceives a thought as important the more likely it is to reoccur. Also, traumatic memories can reoccur because they haven’t been fully processed.

There are many ways to address this.

Acceptance. Distraction or compartmentalisation. Reframing the issue so it is less stressful to the individual. Relaxation.

Oh and I think the physical causes are underrated to. Sleep deprivation is a big one. It’s like being drunk.

Funnily enough, I hear people talk about letting go when it comes to meditation as well.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! 🩵

Hi again, Shinnen:

I’d like to share with you what your posting brought up for me:

Before I read your explanation, and after my first reply, I remembered how angry and frustrated I used to get when I was told to “get over” my childhood, (which to me, is very similar to being told to “let go”.)

I couldn’t get over the childhood that damaged me so, nor could I let go of the hurt and shame, guilt, anger and confusion that resulted from that childhood.

Not because I was stubborn and refused the ‘simple’ act of letting-go/ getting-over it, but because to heal- even partly- one has to walk through what happened (not over), and to let in real clarity about what happened- rather than release (let go) of what is not yet seen clearly.

Is what I shared here relevant to what You’re talking about?

Anita

Hello again, Shinnen:

I want to stay in your lane this time, that is to stay with what you’re saying, instead of drifting to what it brings up for me..

You’re saying that if you’re afraid of something, ex. snakes, the term “let go” implies that your hand is holding a snake, or holding the fear of snakes.

Which is not true, so it’s a false assumption.

And based on that false assumption, the offered solution is to relax your hand and let go of the snake or the fear.

I think that you’re making an excellent point, John, if I’m completely understanding what you’re saying.

How can I let go of something I’m not holding on to?

I can’t. It’s a problematic saying then, one that should not be used in this context 🤔

Anita

Hi Everyone

I forgot to add the importance of planning and support.

For example, I was terrified of giving birth and having a baby. A third of births are traumatic and I already have trauma. I was looking to minimise the fallout.

Planning can help to manage fear. I learned about various medical procedures performed to understand which ones I’d be comfortable with.

I considered my needs and the various options. Pain killers, mental health support, couples counselling, labour vs c-section, breastfeeding vs formula. Advocating for myself through a complaints department. A go bag. A birth playlist. Arranging a sitter for my pets. I got all of the products needed for when the baby came. It all helps.

Using the mind to plan creates a sense of agency over fear and creates a sense of safety. It helps for compartmentalising too. 🩵

I was still scared, I still had difficulties. But it overall was a good outcome which for someone with my background is very rare.

I guess… I just see everything as a journey.