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Life Worth Living- what is it like?

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  • July 25, 2025 at 12:59 pm #447932
    Engineer101
    Participant

    I agree that labels correctly applied can lead the way to understanding
    However, labels applied to normal human idiosyncrasies, then is can unfairly define you

    July 25, 2025 at 1:10 pm #447933
    anita
    Participant

    I wholeheartedly agree, and it’s a real problem these days: labels applied to normal human idiosyncrasies..(nothing is allowed to be.. just that: normal..?)

    July 25, 2025 at 2:13 pm #447934
    anita
    Participant

    More SOCJ (Stream of Consciousness Journaling.. before I can, can, can… (after lunch red wine and an usually lazy afternoon):

    Too much red wine (I don’t drink white wine.. not that it matters when it comes to SOCJ.. ha-ha…ha?

    Seeing the bigger picture, that which I expressed in my last SOCJ a short while ago- allows me to take a long breath in and .. Exhale-

    Still the tic, the one in my left shoulder, it won’t leave me alone- the more than half a century of neurological damage, that which I can not dissolve.. it’s simply not a matter of a human choice. It was done and cannot be undone.

    I can hope for reduction of frequency and intensity-

    And yet, there’s a place to exhale.

    The bigger picture, seeing it all- or more of it all than I ever did- is.. Transformation.. getting closer to the blank canvas, closer to God, to the Sacred (Peter..)

    And all in all, turns out I am a good person after all.. turns out I like myself. After all the decades-long shame and guilt.. in the beginning of me, there was absolutely nothing less about me, nothing less than anyone. I was just as worthy as anyone, just as good, just as loving.. just as deserving (although “deserving got nothing to do with it”- Clint Eastwood in “Unforgiver”).

    Yes. me.. anita, Anita- no, no.. nothing wrong with me at the beginning.

    A good, loving little girl.

    This IS who I am, who I always was underneath it all. And I believe it, I reclaim it.

    Anita

    July 25, 2025 at 3:53 pm #447936
    Engineer101
    Participant

    Reading your SCOJ, I totally validate one statement : you are a good person.

    Funny your reference to red wine : back in the day people mostly drank white wine at functions …. My dad gave me great advice ‘drink red wine “ ,”why?” I asked , he replied “because you get more of it.

    What is the story with your left shoulder ? …… what I am learning as I age is that many people live in constant pain .

    July 25, 2025 at 9:41 pm #447937
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Gerard:

    That’s such a warm and thoughtful reply from you—thank you for reading my SOCJ with such attentiveness. Your validation of me being a good person is something that’s meaningful to me. Thank you. Truly.

    Your dad’s red wine wisdom made me smile—that’s a line to remember and retell. There’s something charmingly pragmatic in his logic, and I appreciate that you shared it.

    As for the story with my left shoulder: it’s neurological, a long-term tic. There were many tics that preceded it. It’s part of Tourette’s, can’t stop it. I wish I could.

    Thank you again for engaging so sincerely with what I wrote. It means a lot. I hope you’re doing well, and I’d love to hear what reflections have been coming up for you lately.

    🤍Anita

    July 25, 2025 at 11:09 pm #447938
    anita
    Participant

    SOCJ-

    Gerard, thank you for normalizing my acronym. It is very kind of you to do so.

    I’ve had more red wine today than ever.. shouldn’t make this a habit… not this much!

    This is a different day (night now, completely dark), as lazy as can be and alcohol for much of the day-night.

    Here’s a crazy idea: what if we met: Alessa.. Tee..

    Tee- I would love to meet Tee in real-life. How does Tee look like? Sounds like? Color of her hair? Eyes?

    And Alessa’s? And Peter’s?

    And where is Roberta?

    And people from years past (2021): Valora? Inky???

    And Laven.. she didn’t answer me, dozens of threads- just that one time.

    And most recently, today.. Will Eva ever answer? And Ada- will she answer?

    I wish these forums were more of a Community, more of a Togetherness-

    Expanding our understanding, loosening labels, exploring different perspectives, different angles.. Zooming out and seeing the bigger picture.

    It’s past 11 pm now.

    Anita

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