SOCJ:

I am going back to my mother this Sun night because that’s what, or who I always went back to. And I wonder, what might come up now, in regard to my mother (this GOD of my past life). Whatever comes to mind:

What comes to mind is her deep-brown, dark, soulless eyes (no soul FOR ME).

Nothing else, just that one thing comes 2 mind:: No Soul 4 Me.(NS4M.. I have a thing for acronyms).

That’s all. Nothing else.

My goodness, nothing else at all comes to my mind: NS4Me- that and nothing else.

Nothing to understand further, no one to.. try to reach.

Nothing to long for.. No hope in those deep-brown-, dark, soulless eyes.

An impenetrable darkness.

This is how I sum up the role of my mother in my life: Impenetrable Darkness (ID).

Other people in my life now- lots of penetrable light!
,
So.. turn away from the darkness and toward the light ✨

About other Impenetrable Darkness People ((IDP) in my life: let them be, let them go.

So.. Goodbye you… mother-could-have-been.

* Note to Readers: Kindly refrain from responding to this or any future SOCJ (Stream of Consciousness Journal) entries. Thank you for respecting this request—I will continue to include it in upcoming SOCJs.

Anita