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like a virus in my head

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • March 17, 2015 at 12:36 pm #74055
    Kandance Bahn
    Participant

    I will keep this short and sweet, but I need some guidance or something. I have posted about this a little before but it has a huge twist.. my boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago, and I know he is regretting it and would love to get back together.

    After he broke up with me, I tried going out with friends, met a really nice guy.. and we ended up kinda hooking up that night. I felt really guilty, then I let go of it and I hung out with the guy a few days later. we had an awesome day together and we hooked up.. then we met up a few days after that and got dinner.

    he is reaaaalllllly cool. The problem is that since I just got out of a relationship, I totally recognize that I in a way replaced my ex with my “rebound”. this guy and I had a super long and intimate cuddle session after we had sex the second time, and the time we had dinner, he kissed me at the end blabla we made out a little bit.. nothing sexual happened otherwise.

    Problem? I can’t get this guy out of my head. I constantly wanna hang out with him because he is so fucking cool, and we don’t really text each other other than to ask to hang out. he asked me out the first time and I asked him the next… but I’m being so weird about this. I wanna be relaxed and just let things flow, but it’s so hard when I seriously just want to hang out with this guy. What do i do? I need to focus on myself and not him, I know, but it seems so hard, especially cus of my break up. I feel ok about the break up but I think it’s because I have this new really nice guy on my mind.

    March 17, 2015 at 7:15 pm #74071
    RC
    Participant

    Timidmoon,

    Give yourself permission to LIVE, my darling! I say go forth with the astute awareness that you obviously already have, and see what you have to learn from this new person! Don’t hold yourself back from a rewarding interaction that is making you happy! If you find a pattern eventually, perhaps that you are going from one person to the next and rebounding each time, then maybe look into focusing on yourself, as for now just open your eyes and your heart and learn some life lessons. Cut through the self-judgement and self-criticism and take this on as a chance to gain knowledge and insight.

    Be free!
    xx

    March 18, 2015 at 3:00 am #74087
    Will
    Participant

    If you wanna hang out with this guy, and this guy wants to hang out with you, what’s the problem?

    Sometimes people bounce back from break-ups quickly. Maybe it was the right time to get dumped. Maybe you have a beautiful future with this guy. Why are you second-guessing yourself like this? Go with the flow.

    March 18, 2015 at 12:24 pm #74100
    Kandance Bahn
    Participant

    I think it’s because I feel like I’m chasing someone! I am completely second-guessing myself.. I’m just scared of rejection. I have to stop playing games and part of the game I need to stop is not reaching out until he does it first. My ego is in the way, I see it, but it’s hard for me to just message him if it feels like I’m the only one actively trying to hang out. Does this make sense? My ego is really holding on to the wheel at the moment 🙁

    March 18, 2015 at 12:25 pm #74101
    Kandance Bahn
    Participant

    rosecarman, I need to learn to be free! That sounds so beautiful to just be free!

    March 18, 2015 at 1:15 pm #74103
    RC
    Participant

    I know exactly what you mean, it makes so much sense! I’ve definitely been there and still stop myself from reaching out when I feel unable to handle the possibility of the attention being unreturned. Rejection stings like no other, and can really bring down your self-esteem and self-worth. What you don’t realize I think is that you already ARE learning to be free! You are right on the edge of a valuable lesson. Whether you choose to protect your heart or whether you choose to open it is completely up to you and either way you are trying to do what’s best for you, so again hold off on the judgement and wait to see what happens.

    Often, the thought/idea of rejection is worse than actually being rejected. I would go so far as to say the thought/idea/imagination of most things are worse than the actual events themselves. What would happen if you were rejected? It may sting but hey, then you’ll know that this person wasn’t ready for what you wanted to share with them! That seems like an important thing to know!

    Easier said than done of course. And I’d do well to take my own advice too! 🙂

    March 19, 2015 at 4:29 am #74136
    Greg
    Participant

    You said it best ” I need to vocus on my self and not him ” – most of the times we know the answers but have trouble following through. Trust your instincts !

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