Loneliness and Being Alone

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    I’m lonely and alone. For the most part I don’t mind being alone but I don’t like it either. My problem is I am socially awkward. I don’t know how to make friends. I don’t know how to share my interests. This comes from my past and I see an awesome therapist who is trying to help me. I am encouraged to go out, join groups take a class, whatever but just before I’m about to commit that little voice inside says Why bother? No one will like me, I’m not good enough, smart enough, young enough, and on and on and on. I’m not a kid. I’m a middle aged woman who has no idea how I’ve survived this long. I tend to get off track. That’s because since I have no one to talk to I ramble if I get someone’s attention and then they go away. I’m actually a good listener but again I digress. My inability to make a commitment to something that may help me, that’s where I was going. So I will be shocked if I actually post this. I still carry my past like the heavy burden it is. Again, attempting to work through that but I feel like I am starting with a lie. A lie of omission. What do people say after Hello? I know I can’t be scary and say Hi I’m a recovering addict, recently incarcerated and living in “transitional” housing. These are topics I am well versed in but none of which I am trying to perpetuate. Although I’ve been to many support group meetings I find it extremely stressful and quite frankly un-supportive. So back to the loneliness, if I don’t let anyone in I won’t get hurt and the price I pay for that is loneliness. Today I went to a few thrift stores. An activity that usually gives me some pleasure. Don’t tell anyone I said so but I am very creative and see purpose in everything. Everything but me that is. Anyway I found myself looking at people that were by themselves and wondering if they felt as alone as I did; couples and small groups seemingly enjoying the company wondering how. In my case eye contact would have to be made and that’d be a big leap for me. I write. I started writing in prison and since I’ve been out (a little over a year) I no longer have the group that we shared our writing. I miss that and can’t seem to find one. I don’t want to write a novel. I just want to write what I feel, share it with someone, hear what they have to say about what they feel and maybe figure out that I am not alone.


    I don’t think you are alone or lonely, I am just like you. I have always kept what’s on my mind and I didn’t speak out thinking that they wouldn’t understand what I was going to say or whatever it is that I felt. I would rather listen than talk. I think that the main reason why I felt that way is because no one can relate to how I feel. That’s how I see it. Or maybe I was afraid that they would reject me. I wrote this one to make you realize that you are not alone, though I am not good at this. Lastly, I want to tell you that it is not easy to change what we are used to, however we need to. We are not just doing this for ourselves but for the ones who felt the same way. 


    Thanks for understanding and for posting your kind thoughts. I’m just beginning to find my voice that was silenced so long ago. I appreciate the support



    This is a sign of low self-esteem. That’s where you could try to work on yourself.
    It’s difficult but we can always try.

    We often get judgmental about people and hence we tend to think that people will judge us too. It once came as shock to me when I heard this as a feedback for me. But then I thought, may be I should look and perceive things differently.

    I share the same kind of personality traits. Introvert at nature > try to open up and then I ramble. For now, just accept yourself the way you’re and slowly you’ll see yourself opening up.

    Please keep the past in the past, where it belongs!:-)

    You might as well would like to refer this link:

    Lots of love and positivity to you…


    That’s good to hear. You are most welcome. You said that you have a former group which you exchange your writings? I would love to read your thoughts and I would gladly share mine if you want. Here’s my personal email x_moonlight@yahoo.com

    Ryan Viola

    Be self motivated and self inspiring! You will overcome all the rest issues.

    Jennifer Bardall

    Ariadne, you’ve been through a lot, and the fact that you’re looking to improve your life says a LOT about you.

    One thing I’d encourage you to look into is the way you identify with your past stories – incarceration, etc. What if you left those stories by the wayside? After all, they’re not YOU. YOU are a person with gifts and talents and insight and joys and pleasures and dreams. You are not your past, you are not where you’ve been. All of that may have informed the person you are right now, but they’re not YOU.

    You talk about a lie of omission. But here’s the thing: No one needs to know about your past if you don’t want them to. It’s none of their business. And again, it doesn’t have to be part of your life if you don’t want it to.

    You talk about writing – a great outlet! Do you have a blog? If not have you considered starting one? There are all kinds of ways to connect with fellow writers – groups on Facebook, websites (seriously there are so many – just google it). Comment on the blogs of other writers (Emily Suess is one who comes to mind, she gives great tips and has a big following, you’re sure to connect with people through her blog). Explore a little. The internet is a big wide place.

    DO NOT limit yourself. DO NOT listen to the voices that tell you you can’t. They’re just voices, and it’s up to you to decide that they’re full of $hit.

    And stop identifying so strongly with your past stories. Are you using them as a shield, maybe, as your calling card? As the only thing you think is interesting enough to share with people? Seriously – no one has to know, no one has to even care. I wonder if you’re not using your past as a way to hold people at bay – and that’s not a criticism, either, it’s just my coach self coming out and feeling the need to speak up. It’s definitely worth thinking about.

    Consider starting a new story – creating a new version of you. Because you’re so much more than your past. You can do it. I know you can.

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