January 3, 2015 at 2:10 pm #70148AnonymousInactive
I guess the title pretty much says it. I’m going offline, for now, and I am going to see if I can meet women in different ways. This is something I’m planning to do within 2015. Right now, I’m just going to work on areas in my life that need more attention than finding a partner. Financially, things have been a little difficult since I changed jobs last year. It doesn’t make for an enjoyable time if you are worrying about the money you are spending on a date.
Health wise, I’m in pretty good shape but I could be better. I want to do that for me, my sons, and then down the line, someone special. I think my decisions have finally come down to taking care of myself so that I am who I want to be when I find someone. Last summer I dated women, and I was in a good place, at first. I think I kind of lost myself trying to be part of their lives, and I think I started to give up some of my values to fit with them. I tried too hard to be what I thought they wanted. It began to lose the fun dating is supposed to have.
Recently, I started meditating again. This is something I need to focus on being a habit. It benefited me so much in the past. This year I want to be in the right place financially, physically, and emotionally, when I start dating again. I know there is no perfect time to start dating, but I think it’s better to come from a place of strength, than a place of weakness.
Recently, a woman on here stated that there must be a We Love Steve1 group on these forums because she said I gave some good advice, from a guy’s point of view, about their relationships with their boyfriends. I was glad to be helpful but I want a woman of my own to have complaints about me on this forum hahaha. I wish I could meet women in my day to day life like a lot of the women on here. There is a lot of people on here with good hearts.
I really hope that people can share whatever suggestions they may have about meeting women in different ways than online dating. I need to try something more organic because I am tired of the disconnected, window shopping method that is online dating. I look forward to hearing your ideas.January 3, 2015 at 3:27 pm #70149YueParticipant
Have you considered joining a class, hobby or meet up group? They are generally not that expensive and even if you don’t meet someone, you will have a great experience learning something new and build your social circle. Dance classes are particularly good for meeting people, get a bit of exercise in and feel the and feel the rhythm of how to be with a woman. It took me a while to get over the fear but it’s totally worth it.January 3, 2015 at 4:32 pm #70150AnonymousInactive
Thanks for the suggestions. I have thought about the meetup.com groups. It’s just taking the time to get out there and involve myself in a few of them. I hadn’t really thought about dance classes. I did that with my ex a lifetime ago and I guess if I could just get discomfort of not having a partner with me, it wouldn’t be so bad. Thanks again.January 3, 2015 at 5:45 pm #70154YueParticipant
If it helps, very few of people attending those classes bring partners but just in case, make sure you check if it is essential to have one before paying. It’s one of the reasons why it’s such a great place to meet people and there are generally more women than men. 😉January 4, 2015 at 1:20 pm #70183mesaraParticipant
Hello Steve, well, it depends in what sort of “atmospheres” you like to meet women?
What I enjoy the most,and find the most efficient – in terms of percentage, is just talking to any girl I’m interested in wherever I see her; if I’m walking down the sidewalk, on a park, going for a coffee and happen to like the waitress.. supermarkets.
But if you are more of the guy of meeting people who you see repeatedly, people who you see more on a daily basis – at work, and classes like someone mentioned above… hmm
Why don’t you become a coach of something, in case you have experience/passion for some activity, and you can teach children, and lots of mothers will be there (of course, approach the single ones)….
But you know, this is a common question for every guy regardless of the age… thats why I roll on the streets, I think its more original trying to get a girl interested if you just talk to her out of the blue, some of them appreciate that and find it quite attracting.January 4, 2015 at 6:31 pm #70216AnonymousInactive
Thanks for your input too. I’m not quite sure about the “rolling on the streets” approach. Although, you make it sound really cool haha.
I haven’t tried that a lot, but it seems like some women get kind of weirded out by that. Maybe I’ve accidently talked to ones that had boyfriends. I guess the more you do it, the more comfortable you are, and the better chance of talking to someone who is interested.
As far as coaching goes, I was never a big team sports guy. Everything I did was more individual. It isn’t something that I really want to try and do now. Thanks again.January 5, 2015 at 5:50 am #70320mesaraParticipant
That’s why you have to take advantage of the fact that “it seems like some women get kind of weirded out by that”… you have to use that in your favor, by that I mean that I’ve noticed that women are more susceptible to getting attracted because it’s something that they don’t expect, so they don’t know how to react to it… that’s why you have to NOT get weirded out yourself. You have to be ready for that weird/freaked out reaction by women and you have to know how to work that out, and make them feel comfortable and trusted, so the first step is getting their trust/confidence and of course make them laugh.
I do this because it is indeed fun. Yet, you will of course get rejected many times but you have to deal with that and just let it go, but don’t let them discourage you… You should try it out, just for the fact of having some fun, you should start even doing it with girls whom you are not attracted to, so you don’t feel that pressure, and it will help as a warm – up, practice, and of course you’ll gain confidence.January 6, 2015 at 8:05 am #70668KatieParticipant
I love your plan for 2015! Sounds a lot like mine, which I am pretty excited about. Nothing better than focusing on yourself for a while and getting your shit in order. 🙂 I also completely understand what you said about losing yourself in relationships and I think it is so frickin great that you’ve realized this, because for me….I know figuring that out has been and will continue to be key in my happiness in and out of relationships.
Also, as sketchy as it might sound (although decime does make it sound pretty cool lol), I just want to say I wouldn’t be weirded out if some dude started chatting to me randomly. Some ladies might, but I think if done in a non-creepy way (ie: don’t comment on something about her physically) it’s actually kind of flattering. Shows lots of confidence, which is a huge turn on for pretty much any woman, I would say.
As my friend tells me, dating and meeting people is all a numbers game…you might have to go through lots before you find the right one. Hopefully not though lol. Speaking of friends – can you just put it out there with your friends that you’re single and looking to mingle? I think women especially enjoy playing matchmaker, so maybe if you don’t have a lot of female friends, speak to your guy friends’ wives about it. Even if it’s not a love connection, it’s a good way to meet new people!January 6, 2015 at 10:03 am #70672AnonymousInactive
You’re back! I thought you were going on a road trip and coming to visit me lol. It’s possible that I could go talk to random women on the street. It is something I would have to get more comfortable with. I know I wouldn’t be a creep about it. Right now, I’m not sure who I could ask about setting me up with other singles. It seems like everyone I know has couple friends too, so I will have to dig a little deeper on that one. I’m actually considering the whole dance classes things. It might be fun too.
I’m not too concerned about it right now. I want to work on some of my own stuff and when I’m more ready, they will appear. Holy crap, I sound like a Hallmark movie of the week haha. It does make sense though. If you and your life has too much turmoil, it’s difficult to attract people to you.
Thanks again for the advice. Have a good new year.January 6, 2015 at 11:46 am #70682KatieParticipant
Lol Steve, road trip…I wish! Your attitude sounds so much better these days, and your perspective is right on. Love it! I imagine it would be pretty uncomfortable to go up and talk to random people. Not something that would be easy to do the first few times, I am sure. The dance class thing is awesome!! And as someone said above…there probably are a lot more women than men in those classes. That’s a great idea actually. Plus it’d be fun. What kind of dance? I would love to take swing lessons. 🙂
Regarding friends and couples…it could just be people on the outskirts of the circle…you know, like someone they work with that you aren’t even aware exists! I put out feelers with just two girl friends of mine and neither of them have huge social circles, but they both came back with two eligible guys pretty quickly lol. I say it’s worth it just to mention it! You have a good year too…looking forward to more forum communications with you! 🙂
When you decide to just step back and not worry about the relationship stuff, I’ve found it to be a pretty big relief. And it’s exciting to just take a while to figure out yourself and discover how awesome YOU are.January 8, 2015 at 2:28 am #70887that-girl-next-doorParticipant
Dear Katie and Steve,
I think you guys should meet and hook up! Or, at least exchange email addresses. 😉
Im in my 30’s, and I had a string of disastrous relationships since leaving home at barely 16, many of them de-facto: The druggo ex who ripped me off and stalked me when I left him, the physically violent ex, and of course the classic cheating ex. Yes I’m stereotyping, but mark my words, their were each of those ‘types’. Through all the heartache, and all the craziness, I never lost hope: I met my soulmate 4.5 years ago and we were married within the year. He is the most amazing man, and I feel grateful for each day I have him in my life. Cupid does exist! Why am I telling you this?? Just to say, DONT GIVE UP. I truly believe that I learnt from those disastrous relationships, I grew as a person, and I like to think life does not have all bad in store for us. One last thing – we met on a dating site. We exchanged emails for one week, our first date lasted for 2 hours, and we have barely spent a day apart since.
Best of luck for 2015 to you both.