Hi Panda:

It sounds like you’re feeling really confused and scared right now. You’ve come from a painful past, and now that things feel healthier, it’s normal for your mind and emotions to still feel unsettled sometimes.

When someone treats us gently after we’ve been hurt, we can start to feel safe—but also, our body might still be on guard. That guard can show up as frustration, irritation, or even doubt, especially when we’re used to chaos or emotional intensity. It doesn’t mean you don’t care anymore—it might just mean your nervous system is still learning that peace is okay.

What you’re feeling doesn’t make you a bad partner. It makes you human, healing, and trying to understand yourself.

It could really help to talk to him, even gently, just to say, “Sometimes I feel confused by my own feelings, and it’s hard to know why.” You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be honest.

Love doesn’t always feel perfect or constant. It comes in waves. And healing does too.

You’re doing better than you think. Want help figuring out what you could say to him, or how to ease into that conversation? I’m here.

🤍 Anita

Hi Panda

I’m sorry to hear that you were previously in an abusive relationship and that the fluctuations in your feelings with your current healthy relationship are worrying you. It is okay to worry about someone you care about. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t worry. ❤️

I think it’s natural for feelings to change in a relationship. Perhaps the exciting honeymoon period might be over and quiet, more subtle feelings might be taking hold? It’s also okay to be irritable sometimes. I often find that I’m more irritable at certain times of the month, if I’m tired, in pain or hungry. It doesn’t necessarily have to mean anything bad? Does it?

Give yourself a bit of grace as you learn to navigate these changes. Be gentle with yourself. You deserve a healthy relationship, you deserve to be happy, safe and loved. ❤️