Hi JeanKhoo,

I know when we are losing hope that it is easy to sort of fall into it, but I think the antidote is instead to create possibilities. We can always improve, no matter what is going on around us. Who is the person that you want to become? What do you want to change? I like to make a list of goals, choose one, and then create a list of steps that will help me move closer to that. And that at the end of the day you can reflect on progress, on something good, instead of thinking about things that pull us more and more into a vortex of negativity.

One thing that helped me with my own anxiety is to work on my response to it. I sense the anxiety well into my body, probably because I am anxious about the opinions of other people, but then what do I do next? I like to work on sort of detaching from it. Where is it in my body? Some professional advice I read in “DARE: A New Way to End Anxiety” is to almost respond to anxiety with a “F*** you” sort of response. And then instead of sitting there letting the anxiety overwhelm you, go do something that you love so that the negative feeling at least has to filter through something special. Over time, I think you will find the anxiety will start to lessen.

And you don’t have to be around anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself. I rather be alone than be around toxic people. Perhaps instead of worrying what others think, you can instead work on your own self-progress until you become a person who loves to be by herself! As you search for the special people to hold onto in your life, you can learn and grow so much. Focus on the hope and possibilities instead of the bad.

Hi JeanKhoo,

Maybe right now in life you aren’t supposed to be social. Perhaps there is something you have to get through or move on from before the right people enter your life. If we are constantly searching for people who make us feel bad about ourselves, is that moving toward who we are meant to become (if you believe in that)? Perhaps after you meet someone you can reflect for a few seconds on the way they make you feel, underneath all the looks and personality masks we all wear. If they make you feel bad, maybe it’s best to not let them take up too much of your time or thoughts.

One thing that helped me be optimistic and can really change the way people treat you is to imagine a happy memory or pretend like the person is your best friend as you meet them. If you put yourself in a happier mindset before you meet them the whole exchange could turn out more positive.

I also distance myself from people, but I find I am happier that way. Maybe being a loner doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Maybe it can be awesome! Try to spend your time on things you love, so that you love to be alone! And when you aren’t alone, try to surround yourself with the people who you love the most and who don’t make you feel bad.