Home→Forums→Tough Times→lost and alone
- This topic has 37 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 3 months ago by Anonymous.
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July 18, 2018 at 4:35 pm #217535KayParticipant
Wow. I’ve always felt like I needed my family so much but I guess they don’t need me like I need them. How can I change the view of my mother to heal? I don’t even know what to do, I don’t like myself very much right now. How can I learn to be okay knowing my family cannot give me the relationships I always wanted with them?
July 19, 2018 at 4:50 am #217595AnonymousGuestDear Kay:
“How can I change my view of my mother to heal?”- It is scary for a child to see an unloving mother as unloving, and when we don’t feel strong enough as adults (and you are a very young adult) we are still scared to see the mother as she really is. It may take the safe feeling in the context of psychotherapy with a capable therapist for you to gradually view your mother as she is.
“How can I learn to be okay knowing my family cannot give me the relationships I always wanted with them?”- form the relationship you always wanted with a person who is not family. Choose a person who will fit the relationship you always needed, one who is capable and willing to be in the relationship you need. Learn interpersonal skills like assertiveness and practice those within the relationship. Treat each other with Empathy and Respect.
anita
July 20, 2018 at 10:56 am #217915KayParticipantHi Anita,
I had a court trial for my ex today. I had so much anxiety and nerves and pain on my way to court alone, it literally felt like I was going to die. This “friend” of mine did not wake up on time, caused me to be late, brought a knife into court which made me even more late. I was so anxious when my ex and his family walked into the room. Even though my sister was there with me I felt so alone and like no one could understand. They asked for a jury trial, which is about the fifth time they’ve postponed something. Now I have to go to a higher court in a few months and live this all over again. I feel like no one will believe me. I feel like I won’t have justice. And I feel like I don’t even like myself, no one checked on me or talked about anything with me. I just feel like I can’t even have sympathy for myself I feel like I’m in the wrong
July 20, 2018 at 12:19 pm #217943AnonymousGuestDear Kay:
You made it, you went through with it, through the difficulties, the challenges, the anxiety. You did very well, reads to me. I am quite impressed!
I hope justice will take place. Some justice is already taking place as your ex boyfriend is at the least, being inconvenienced by this process.
The support group I suggested and you mentioned, for victims of domestic violence, can you find support there at this time?
I will be away from the computer for about 15 hours. Please post again, if you would like, as often as you may need to. If you do, I will read attentively what you will post and reply when I am back.
Please take good care of yourself. You have done so well today.
anita
July 20, 2018 at 7:48 pm #217953KayParticipantThank you so much Anita it is really amazing to hear some validation today it was a hard day and I worried about it for months, but I did make it through. I had stopped going to the group for a little and won’t be able to go next week. When I feel depressed even that seems like too much to get up for but I know I usually felt more calm and not so alone afterwards so I am planning to attend when I can again. I am going to be eagerly waiting for my individual therapy on Tuesday. For tonight I’m just trying to tell myself that I made it this far and I won’t feel so distressed forever. I will just need to take this day by day and give myself more compassion
July 21, 2018 at 4:31 am #217973AnonymousGuestDear Kay:
You are very welcome. Yes, you did make it through and did a good job at it yesterday. I hope you do take it day by day. Regarding therapy, you wrote earlier in your thread that you have a hard time opening up even in therapy but have just started to open up more. I hope there will be more opening up this Tuesday.
Feel free to post here anytime you are able, when you experience distress, or otherwise. When I am at the computer I will reply to you any time you post.
anita
July 23, 2018 at 2:36 pm #218371KayParticipantHi Anita,
I feel like I am having trouble getting out of this friendship. I keep my distance and she pulls me back in with nice messages. Yesterday she asked me to hangout, then ignored me all day. I asked her what happened and she said her friend had an emergency. Today I saw her and she accidentally told me she was actually out with my ex’s friends. And how she regrets reporting them with me because “they’re sweet people”. It’s like I fall into her trap because I cannot be as open with my family and she didn’t like when I had other friends, so I just was with her all the time. Now when I need to talk to someone I don’t know who to go to so I go back when I know she is an abusive friend. I don’t even like being around her or talking to her I just feel like I have no one else. I have blocked her because I know I don’t want this life and it holds me back from finding what I do what. I have just written a list of many things she’s done that have hurt me (I was shocked at how long it was) to read if I somehow get more messages from her trying to pull me back in. I feel as though the other relationships in my life, no one completely understands me. Have you ever felt this way? Do you have any advice?
July 24, 2018 at 4:05 am #218493AnonymousGuestDear Kay:
I was wondering, regarding your previous share about the day in court, why is it that she brought a knife to court?
Regarding your question to me, if I felt drawn to a person who pulled me in just to reject me later on, you mean, correct? If so, yes I do have that experience. It is not much different than an addiction to a drug that harms the person using it, and yet, the person is very drawn to the drug, again and again.
My advice: quit your friend just as you would quit an addictive and harmful drug. Of course, it is easier said than done. Because it is difficult, make an action plan aimed at ending all contact with her, the steps involved. Plan it and if you’d like, share with me your detailed plan.
anita
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