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Lost Another friend. Years of Therapy..down the drain..

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  • #169609
    Eliana
    Participant

    There was a resident who used to live here. To this day, I am not sure if we were really “friends”. Things started off well, but she had Bi-polar and admitted she had alot of periods of mania and was always on the go. She would be on the go from 7am, and not get back till about 9pm. I really never saw her, but when I did we would have short chats, but then she would have to get somewhere. I ddon’t know how she did it living in SSI and part time job, with no car.

    Then the chats stopped, and we would watch movies and order pizza or delivery. She barely spoke to me, but always talked during the movie. There were many times she would make sarcastic or even rude or offensive comments to me, but I put up with it and not my tongue, as I was lonely and did not have many friends. I talked to her about this. All she said was “she has not had a friend since she was five years old” yet I always saw her having dinner night with some of the girls here, I was never invited. At the end of the movie, she would rush, throw her paper plates away, turn in the remotes to the front desk and go up to her apartment, or to Library and never said a word to me, not even a “bye”

    She moved out, into other housing not too far away and said she would like to continue movie night. In the meantime, I was diagnosed with lymphoma, and she would text and say “how are you feeling” and I would say “I am nervous and frightened” (I am having an upcoming biopsy on thyroid nodules and under my arm. She would text back and say “lol, before you have had a diagnosis yet?”. Again, the same thing, she would come over, watch a movie, barely talk to me and rush off not even saying goodbye. Then again, I would get another unkind text from her. Last night another one. I reached my breaking point and lashed out and said a sweat word and told her I was tired of getting crumbs from her and her high horse comments to me with no support or empathy. We argured by text. Then I didn’t hear from her. This morning I felt bad about what happened, and just said “I’m sorry about everything” and her response was she was tired of our hot and cold relationship, she was tired of fighting with everyone. That things were over, and then she said “good bye!

    I’m so tired of myself right now and my behavior. Instead of taking several deep breaths last night I overreacted and lashed out, after going through years of Therapy for this issue. I can’t afford to lose friends. I’m very upset with myself. Thank you for listening. I don’t know how to fix myself anymore.

    • This topic was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Eliana.
    #169659
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Eliana,

    For one thing, this girl was bi-polar with mania. She was not necessarily in a healthy place or had the aptitude to be a good friend to you. In her own admission she hadn’t had a friend since she was five.

    Then you say you can’t afford to lose friends. As if having friends was a requirement for life. Like, “Oh no! I’m down to one crappy friend! It doesn’t matter who she is or what she does, if I lose this one I’ll lose at life!!” Does that make sense? No, of course not!

    There are many different kinds of friends. Hers was the pizza eating, movie watching see you in passing kind of friend. Not the supportive caring while you’re going through cancer kind.

    Hopefully you will meet another kind of friend who’s a level up. It won’t be hard.

    Best,

    Inky

    #169721
    Eliana
    Participant

    Thanks Inky,

    Your post, made me feel better. I just wish I had a “pause” button, so I don’t overreact and lash out, then later, regret. The apology I made to her was no good, she responded back rudely. But you are right, she really never was a true friend. She made me feel bad about myself alot, and think she enjoyed it. I just get tired of sabatoging anything good that comes my way, friendships, relationships, I feel all this therapy..and I am going backwards. x

    #169725
    dreaming715
    Participant

    Hi Eliana,

    This paragraph stuck out to me: “I was diagnosed with lymphoma, and she would text and say ‘how are you feeling’ and I would say ‘I am nervous and frightened’ (I am having an upcoming biopsy on thyroid nodules and under my arm. She would text back and say ‘lol, before you have had a diagnosis yet?’)”

    To me, this doesn’t sound like friendly behavior. I understand we want to see the good in others and give other people the benefit of the doubt, but the types of things she was saying seemed emotionally toxic and disheartening. You deserve a true friend who can exercise compassion and understanding. I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling down regarding the loss of your friend, but it is my belief that you deserve better.

    #169739
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Dreaming715,

    You are very right. Thank you for your kind reply. I think I just wanted some kind of companionship so bad as I don’t have family, I was willing to put up with toxicity and abuse. Thank you for helping me come to my senses. I do deserve better. x

    #169781
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Eliana:

    You presented a cancer diagnosis as a side issue here, but it seems to me that it would be a main issue, would it not?

    You wrote: “I was diagnosed with lymphoma”

    You also wrote: “I am nervous and frightened about “having an upcoming biopsy on thyroid nodules and under my arm,” and that she told you “lol (referring to you being nervous and frightened), before you have had a diagnosis yet?” –

    I don’t understand: were you diagnosed with lymphoma, what kind and what is the prognosis and treatment plan?

    anita

     

     

    #169831
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks for reading my post, and replying. I apologize for any confusion. I’m confused myself. It all happened when my glands and lymph nodes became very swollen under my left jaw, the swelling seemed to be present all day. Very tender and painful. Doctor thought it was allergies, saw fluid in my left ear, said something about “temporal swelling” and put me on Allegra and Singulair. The swelling and pain still did not go away. One night, I was eating chicken, and felt something lodge in my throat. I coughed, put peanut butter on bread to try to dislodge it to no avail. I was still able to breath, but went to ER. When I was outside of ER, I had dry heaves and it dislodged whatever was in my throat.

    My throat still hurt badly, and the ER doctor scared me asking me how long lymph nodes have been swollen. I said 4 months. He said “you need to follow up with your GP right away, I feel you have non-hodjkins lymphoma.” “Your spleen is enlarged, you have a solid nodule under the base of your skull and several solid nodes under your right armpit.” When they released me, they gave me paperwork, and it said “unexplained lymphoma”. (?)

    My Doctor wrote an order for me to see a general surgeon for the lymph nodes under my right arm. That is scheduled for 28th of September. My case manager is taking me. I have lost over 34 pounds in 2 1/2 months. I have another appointment scheduled for a fine needle biopsy on October 12th, on two enlarged thyroid nodules. They are going to take 5 tissue samples from each nodule. I hope this clears things up a bit.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Eliana.
    #169851
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Eliana:

    It reads to me then that you were not diagnosed with (any type of) lymphoma. The concerning symptoms that you indicated are swollen glands and lymph nodes under your left jaw for four months, a swelling that did not get resolved with anti allergy medications. In addition, you lost 34 pounds. Your ER doctor told you that he found an enlarged spleen and a solid nodule and several solid nodes that concerned him.

    Wikipedia lists fever as one of the symptoms. You didn’t mention fever. I am assuming you didn’t experience it because I can’t imagine forgetting to mention such a distressing symptom. You also didn’t mention if the lumps are itchy, red or purple, which is what they commonly feel and look like in non-Hodgkin lymphoma, according to Wikipedia.

    When the ER doctor told you: “I feel you have non-hodjkins lymphoma”- that reads so very irresponsible of him to state. A medical doctor should not …”feel” that a patient has this or that disease, he should rely on evidence, not on a feeling. He suggested you suffer from a possibly deadly disease based on a feeling and very little evidence, without and before testing, and before precluding other possibilities.

    This reads very suspicious to me. Perhaps this is a very incompetent doctor.

    anita

     

    #169883
    Allyson
    Participant

    Yeah I think she didn’t consider ya’ll having a true friendship in the way that you wanted it to be. I am so sorry that happened to you! She has a lot of mental health problems that having to do with you as a person. Trust me I have been there with many people. It is hard because you think it is your fault or problem. I am sorry you have also been going through cancer. I caregave for my mom for 4 months till she passed away from endometrial cancer.. I haven’t had it personally but watching her suffer was horrible. I hope all gets better in your life and you make some good positive friends in person!

     

    Allyson

    #169895
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Allyson,

    Thank you for your kind reply. It means alot to me. I’m very sorry to hear about your Mom, and having to watch her suffer. My 1/2 sister from Florida passed from the same thing In 2015. The last time I heard from her, she was in the hospital, she was throwing up what appeared to be coffee grounds, and they had her on ensure. I never got to say goodbye. At the time, I had broken up with someone on Facebook, and I deleted my profile, which I now regret, because she kept insisting “she was fine” and I was worried as her number was disconnected when I tried calling. I then went back on Facebook, and went to her profile which informed she had passed 4 months earlier. I never got to say goodbye or tell her I loved her. My other 1/2 sister knew, but she never told me. I haven’t spoken to her since. It is scary..just the unknown, wondering, waiting. x

    #169903
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    This is by far, the worst Emergency room and Hospital I have ever been to. The only reason many of the residents here go, is because many of don’t have cars and are on SSDI. The housing where we live will pay for a cab for us to this hospital ER, and pay for the ride back. Sometimes we have no choice. It’s just an incompetent hospital and ER dept. I have never seen so many negative reviews on Google. My friends Aunt died in the lobby of the ER. She complained of chest pains. She was clutching her chest. They thought she was there because there is a bad opioid epedimic in this city, and I guess they thought she was “faking” to get pain pills. This was a 74 year old woman. That’s how bad this hospital is. I have even seen people in excruciating pain not get taken back, left to wait in the lobby and they are calling 911. Yes, you are right, the ER doctor was a dingbat. x

    #169925
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Eliana:

    Dysfunction, incompetence is widespread, unfortunately. And so, you know to not take what doctors tell you in that particular ER as The Truth, not without concrete evidence. It is a good idea to always evaluate what people say, be it non doctors and doctors.

    Mentioning non doctors, regarding this friend of yours- I would challenge the word “friend” you used, the word in the title of your thread, “Lost Another friend“-

    She was not a friend, there was no friendship, only an acquaintance.

    anita

    #169937
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    When she replied she said “I’m tired of this hot and cold friendship” but you are right, she was really just an aqauintance, kind of like a bad in-law.

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