Home→Forums→Tough Times→Lost my child
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Dimple.
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March 19, 2014 at 1:28 pm #53099
DimpleParticipantRecently lost my beautiful twenty three year old daughter in a car accident on valentines day , still stunned as one always is aware of these atrocities of life but never think it will happen to you . How and why is life so unfair as to rob my child of all her dreams and plans she had for her tender life . How do I justify this ? Where do I go to look for answers and how do I plan my life again at this age which does not include my child in it
March 19, 2014 at 10:23 pm #53118
MattParticipantDimple,
I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t have any big answers, I don’t know if there are any. But, you and your daughter have space in my heart, and you’ll be in my prayers. Hugs to you, friend. Don’t be afraid to scream.
With warmth,
MattMarch 20, 2014 at 3:10 am #53139
EvelynParticipantDear Dimple,
A very close friend of mine lost her 25 year old brother 2 years ago, I’ve always wondered how she and her mother could bounce back into daily routine so quickly, she’s the same person she was before her loss, she still is the one that makes everyone else laugh, I’m not saying that she’s not still mourning or that she’s happy. I’ve always wonders where she’s gotten her strength from and how she’s managing life so well despite such a terrible loss. And she said she finds strength in everyone around her, in me as her friend (I’m always cheering her on, besides she’s given me so much strength in life, she has no idea), her mother that she loves so dearly. She knows she will meet him again, maybe not right now, but in the end they will all meet again.
I guess the only thing in life you can ever have fully control of is your mind, but unfortunately the mind is well controlled by the heart, emotions can bring us to the happiest in life and they can break us so terribly. I found an old quote I always go back to where life gets tough, “Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how we react to it”, not that that’s easy to apply in ones life when you have lost such a dear person to you, your daughter. But the only thing life can guarantee us is the power and will we make to control our mind, because there will be things that happens to us and we can only let it defeat us or somehow keep living life, for others that you are dear to, for those who love you, for those who find strength in you. You are dear to many others, find strength in them, or perhaps in a stranger like me who finds strength in you for being able to write this here on a forum when it just happen so recently. Nothing is of guarantee in life only our own strength.
March 20, 2014 at 3:18 pm #53184
dougParticipantDimple,
I can’t imagine how much hurt you are carrying – I have children and, like most parents I suppose, I consider the loss you have suffered to be the worst thing that could happen to a person. I can offer you no sage advice from my own experience. I can, however, tell you of the experience of my oldest friend – well of his wife as he died of a brain tumor so his experience was the starting point of hers. She talked about ending it all, screamed and cried in despair, drank too much, didn’t clean anything for a long time and ignored her very young children for a while. That was 10 years ago. Now her kids are fine, she is a bereavement counselor, she only drinks a ‘normal’ amount and her house is reasonably clean. Time puts distance between her and the hurt – it didn’t remove it but it made it possible to bear it….because she had borne it for that time. I can only suggest therefore taking each day, or if that is too much hour, or minute, or breath, one at a time. I can also recommend meditation to still the mind and find some respite from the screaming or the silence in your head.
As to answers to your questions, I fear only you can answer them for you – but there are people around you – here and I hope physically near you – who will listen and help as they can. I respectfully suggest that seeking answers to the questions you pose will take a very long time and a lot of your available energy – perhaps you will never find them. Maybe it is better to just try to live and then live a little bit better and so on…do what you can do rather than setting almost impossible goals that will only amplify your sadness when they seem as elusive as ever.
I wish you peace, an end to your suffering and the chance to live your life in the light again.
DougMarch 20, 2014 at 3:51 pm #53190DimpleParticipantThank you Doug for your kind words , I most definitely have no other way but one which is to go on .
RegardsMarch 21, 2014 at 10:04 am #53233
JadeParticipantMy best friend lost her 22 year old brother last year in a sudden accident and the whole family was so devastated. I’m actually surprised at how quickly she bounced back, but she explained it to me this way: “you’re so consumed with grief, with loss, with accepting that your life will never be the same… but the world keeps going, I still have to tell the Starbuck barista what my order is, normalcy just creeps in eventually.” She still has days where things are tough, but by and large she does everything she can to honour her brother’s memory and live the life he’d want her to. She’s acutely aware of how tenuous life can be now, and focuses much more on enjoying the present.
March 22, 2014 at 4:18 am #53320
@Jasmine-3ParticipantHi Dimple
I am so sorry for your immense loss. Nothing I say or anyone says will comfort your heart in this difficult time. Sending you loads of love and healing. May your heart find some peace and answers that you seek.
Your daughter’s soul will not be able to rest in peace if you continue to be traumatised. For your daughter’s sake, rest your heart and cherish the good moments you had with her and send her your best wishes.
There is no way to justify the loss you have suffered in terms of this physical existence. However, if you still need the answers to move on from this grief, you may be able to find the answers in the karmic philosophy. The ancient wisdom tells us that every soul comes into our life to either teach us a life lesson or learn from us. Nothing is permanent in this world. Everyone comes on their own and lives on their own. You may ask as to who determines as to which soul will take birth in a certain situation ? Who decides if a parent will have a physically handicap child or loose a healthy child at a young age ? Who decides our parents for us, which race is right for us etc ? According to the ancient karmic wisdom, we ourselves decide our fate before we descend on this planet. We do this to learn certain life lessons (such as forgiveness, accepting self and others as they are etc) and the ultimate life lesson – unconditional love. Love, which is beyond physical existence and boundaries.
Your daughter’s soul is somewhere around you. When you are able to rest your grieving heart, you will feel her everlasting presence and you will be able to move on in your life with love and higher awareness.
Lots of love,
J
March 22, 2014 at 4:41 am #53321DimpleParticipantThank you so much for sharing your friend’s story , it is heart wrenching to hear stories like that. Also amazing to see the strength people find in themselves to deal with such tragedies , I guess you do what you have to to go on and try to honour the life of your dear one by living it the way that would make them happy and proud .
Thank you again for reaching out to a total stranger to helpMarch 22, 2014 at 4:48 am #53322DimpleParticipantThank you Jasmine ,
It is amazing how much goodness is in this world people reaching out to help a total stranger I am so grateful for that .
I was never a spiritual person but always tried to help and be good to people offered love wherever I could and when the mist precious person in my life was just snatched away I felt cheated and angry thinking that neither Meghna my daughter nor us deserve this .
I will look into Karmic Philosphy so understand life and death better
Thank you again for sharing your time and wisdomMarch 22, 2014 at 7:13 am #53324@Jasmine-3ParticipantHi Dimple
May Meghna’s soul ascend and attain what she is seeking.
There are a few spiritual mentors around the world who provide an excellent b/g on Karma. You may like to check out the you tube videos by BK Shivani or Eckart Tolle or Shivyog or Anandmurti Guruma. Buddhism also provides valuable insight into compassion and life’s real purpose.
Best wishes to you and family,
J
January 13, 2015 at 2:18 am #71205EvelynParticipantDear Dimple,
I haven’t been online here for awhile, but I thought of you today, so I logged in here to see how you’re doing? How you’ve been since the accident? My thoughts are with you and your family, hope you’re better and living life.
Lots of love
Evelyn.
January 13, 2015 at 1:03 pm #71237DimpleParticipantThank you Evelyn ,
So nice of you to touch base , it is souls like you that have enabled us to go on . Almost a year next month and seems like time stooped for us , learning to live again has not been easy . Dipping into spirituality has been the only way for me , meditation , discourses on life and it’s meaning has been my main focus since .
So much has changed Evelyn and yet nothing has changed , every time I hear a of a mother losing her child I dread the journey that begins for that mother that instant which is brutal and going to be a long one .
Anyhow I wish you and your loved ones all the best .
Thank you for your kindness
Hugs
DimpleApril 24, 2016 at 7:46 am #102589EvelynParticipantHi again Dimple,
It seems to be a once a year for me when I log in here. And I always manage to think of you and your precious daughter you lost. I can understand that life hasn’t been the same for you since then but I pray and hope that you have found some way to cope with this and that life isn’t always as tragic as it seems. I know words can’t help in any way but I just couldn’t not write to you again. My thoughts are still with you after 2 years now and I hope that you’ll find some peace in mind.
Love
Evelyn.
April 24, 2016 at 9:17 am #102605DimpleParticipantThank you so much Evelyn ,
I was so touched by you reaching out when I was beginning to think people are starting to move on .
Yes life has changed completely it is as if a new me is trying live all over again . I fall and try to get up again many times a day , people like you gentle souls who always find time to hold hand and assure love lives on gives me reason to go on .
May your gentle soul be blessed with the best this life has to offer
Thank you from the bottom of my heart
Hugs -
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