Hi Little Buddha,

Thank you for your honesty.

It seems to me that you are able to answer this question yourself in the second and final paragraph – ‘something I need to get out of my system’. However one sentence stands out that I would like to discuss with you if I may? and that is ‘it’s become an obsession’. Why do you think that it’s become an obsession? are you using the excitement of Lust as a prop up for the rest of your life as you are finding that other areas of your life aren’t as saticfactory as you wish? Are you using Lust and conquest for self-esteem rising ? If you find you arn’t happy with the way your life is, or within yourself at the moment I would kindly ask you perhaps ALSO focus on becoming more well rounded in interests, and focusing on areas of your life that you may see needs attention, if you gave yourself over to self- reflection with a compassionate heart.

There could be other ‘healthier’ reasons for your Lustful ways at this stage of your life. Have you come out of a longer term relationship with someone? If so many people do go through an experimental stage of what you are discribing. After a relationship ends it’s best to give ourselves time to come to terms with the lose and hurts and focus on what we have learnt from that relationship before moving onto a new one. It’s important to feel ‘strong’ enough within yourself that you are ready to share your feeling again within a new relationship and that may take time.

My only suggestion here is to consider the other person’s feeling.. be up front and honest that you aren’t ready to get back into a relationship when you find yourself feeling lustful towards another person that you DON’T or never would want to have a relationship with. If you are honest with the other person and you both are consenting and practicing ‘safety’ than I feel it’s fine to accept that it is ‘something I need to get out of my system’. What I would not recommend is focusing on the ‘conquest’ above all else..in allowing yourself to pretend to be someone other than who you are, lying, or using excessive alcohol etc it’s hard enough I think, and many people may agree trying to find a relationship without having to deal with ‘players’.

But please focus also on dealing with any pains from the past/past relationship with an open and accepting heart, learn all you can from the experience to be more ready to enter a healthy relationship with a long term partner.

When you do happen to feel a stronger connection with someone, Spend time in the beginning, getting to know the other person to see if you share similar visions for the future, and your core values aren’t in direct conflict. Marriage is long time, it’s a lot more easy when you find someone who you consider to be your love and best friend.

With kindness
Snails

Hi Little Buddha,

You seems to me to be taking good steps in having a variety of interests/activities and it’s very good to hear you are also focused on personal growth, all of which will help you not only with life in general, but while you go through a slump at work. Hopefully a contentment and enjoyment for your work will return shortly. It seems you have only good things to say about your work otherwise, it’s great that you are able to focus on those very good points about your work place.

I agree with you that even though you feel like dating again, you don’t want to jump into anything serious to fast. You mention feeling a bit ‘uncomfortable’ about this, perhaps try to put aside any guilt …if a very close friend of yours broke up with his partner only four months ago and he wisely said he didn’t want to jump into anything serious too fast, would you Expect Him to be celibate until he found a partner he is going to have a long term relationship with 😉 ?? Your inner voice is I think giving you good counsel…allow yourself ‘permission’. You come across as a kind and considerate person, I’m sure you will treat others with respect and honesty.

When I revised my reply to you I think perhaps I rounded off my response to you a bit to fast and would like to clarify myself if I may ?

*’when you find someone who you consider to be your love and best friend’…
I’d like to add here (though you come across as someone who is aware already C: ) that it’s healthy to continue to have other people in our lives who also support us and offer us Great friendship and bring in other interests and energy. It’s perhaps not fair or wise to rely upon our partner for all of our friendship needs…outside interests and other great friends help balance the relationship.
Thanks for listening to that.

And it was my pleasure to be a listening ear to you, your inner voice that you have expressed here, is doing very nicely in guiding you in this matter.

With kindness
Snails