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Love at first sight?

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  • March 13, 2015 at 8:58 pm #73910
    Jodi
    Participant

    Why do you think “Love at first sight” is such a coveted idea? Why is this the ideal that so many people strive for as opposed to taking time to get to know someone before diving in head first? What do you all think makes the “love at first sight idea so appealing? I’d love to hear thoughts from you all on this!

    Thanks!
    ~Jodi

    March 13, 2015 at 11:53 pm #73915
    George
    Participant

    Dear Jodi

    I believe love at first sight is correlated with the idea of “meant to be”.

    Whatever is meant to be, needs no justification and an act that needs no justification can relieve us from the uncertainty that we humans experience in every thought processing of our actions.

    I think that is why this idea is so appealing. However i find this concept immature. The reason i do is because a responsible person is able to confront the possibility of failure despite his efforts, in this concept to establish a relationship.

    Formulas are created, signs are identified, expectations emerge. This is self-fulfilling prophecy. Convincing our selfs that this is meant to be, is denying that we ever made a decision, denying the possibility of failure. We can now invest in our efforts to the fullest, because failure is out of option. However i think that that way we are sabotaging our capacity to learn from our mistakes.
    (and that is why i place love at first sight to the category of immature love, or first love).

    I don’t know what the right type of love is. Leo Buscaglia has written a book investigating this matter, called ”Love”
    I still can’t comprehend fully its message. In fact i would like to hear what other people think about Love at first sight. Maybe i missed something!

    Take care
    George

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by George.
    March 14, 2015 at 5:57 am #73919
    Jodi
    Participant

    Thanks George! I think along the same lines as you. It seems to be an immediate gratification for a lot of people, but it also seems to gratify the feeling of “knowing”. I’m always a bit shocked how people will get their hearts crushed by diving in so quickly with someone they don’t really know (they just feel chemistry) and they will willingly and enthusiastically do it over and over again in pursuit of the idea of falling in love at first site. I’ve seen this so much lately, I too thought, I must be missing something here.

    Thanks again!
    ~Jodi

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by Jodi.
    March 14, 2015 at 6:56 am #73921
    George
    Participant

    Well i haven’t seen this thing you are talking about.
    I mean, getting so involved with someone you barely know.
    I find it a bit suprising.
    Maybe we live in an age of unprecedented loneliness, and people are getting desperate!

    That, if true, is actually pretty sad…

    Take care
    George

    March 17, 2015 at 7:45 pm #74074
    RC
    Participant

    I agree with you about the immediate gratification of love at first sight, it would be a wonderful world indeed if all that was needed for love was a slo-mo encounter with a beautiful stranger. I think it also helps hide the reality that you can never really know if someone is “the one,” and no matter how fantastic it was when you saw your partner for the first time, it doesn’t guarantee a fairy tale relationship. I think the hollywood media and the corporate media reinforce this idea to the nth degree and perpetuate it throughout society to keep people buying into the ideology that love is special but easy, and more importantly buying material goods that they deem are not only part of but crucial to having or giving love.

    March 17, 2015 at 8:30 pm #74075
    Jodi
    Participant

    Great points Rosecarman. I definitely think the media and Hollywood have an influence on how people think about love and romance. It seems to foster an unrealistic sense of how relationships work.

    March 20, 2015 at 8:42 am #74184
    Kath
    Participant

    I can only describe it from my own experience:
    I had love at first sight happen to me. I was 17, I did not know him, I just saw him across the room and just knew he was THE ONE!
    From my perspective now I would rather say he immediately struck a chord in me. It took us a year to actually get together, and then we did not have much time together, because he had a fatal accident. It would be easy to romanticise this, but my thoughts are actually very different:
    I think it is very possible to fall in love at first sight. However, I don’t think it has anything to do with the quality of the relationship. To be honest ours was really exhausting, and pretty unhealthy. This is not only because we were so young and immature, but maybe because the chord was actually a trigger.
    It’s hard to tell now, because we never had the chance to get real and work it out, but I do believe I had much better and deeper relationships after that.
    My therapist said something she had learned in her years of work (with a twinkle in her eye): If you meet someone, and you get this really special feeling, and you think there is something deeply resonating in you with that person, this is what you do: You RUN! 😉

    Maybe you can compare falling in love with starting a fire: Some start easy, some take more time and effort to start, but the quality and duration of the fire is up to the material itself. A quick start can mean that the wood is very well dried and just perfect, but it can also mean that it will just flare away. A start that takes time and effort might make for a really long, good fire because the materials have a lot of substance that just needs some time to reach the right temperature – but it can also mean that the wood is just too wet to burn and you’ll just get a lot of smoke.

    In my opinion every relationship is different, and even though instant attraction is nice, there is much much more to making it actually work. (I used the word actually a lot… guys you gotta correct my English if you notice something please…)

    March 21, 2015 at 2:38 am #74210
    George
    Participant

    Hey Kath

    This really unfortunate what happened to the boy i mean.
    I had a similar experience with my first love.
    We broke up because of me, i realised some things were not able to be fixed, so i gave up and started “fixing” my self.
    I like the metaphor you are using about the fire. However the part that really scared me was the one with the wet wood.

    Do you think people out there exist that are wet woods, lost cases so to speak, and are unable to enter a warming fire, a lasting relationship?

    Take care
    George

    March 21, 2015 at 9:25 am #74215
    Jodi
    Participant

    I love the starting a fire analogy! Thanks for that one!

    ~Jodi

    March 23, 2015 at 2:12 am #74296
    Kath
    Participant

    Hey georgev!
    No, I don’t believe that people are wet woods 🙂 But a relationship between two people might be like wet wood…
    I guess in the end it is all about fixing yourself.

    March 24, 2015 at 3:54 am #74349
    George
    Participant

    Well that is relieving to hear! 🙂

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