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Lovers to Friends Again

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  • October 5, 2014 at 9:03 pm #66021
    Jessenia
    Participant

    I have someone in my life, that I deeply care for. we once dated for a couple months and we went out separate ways, and became friends again and he was going thru a lot at the time and, now I understand why we broke up. in the beginning I wonder why and try to understand and asked myself …was it my fault? but came to realize that it was never about me the whole situation was about him and stuff he dealing with in his life and he didn’t have time for a girlfriend, and I learn how to love myself little by little, but we still talk for time to time, we haven’t been together since a year and a couple months now, but we still talk to each other once in awhile we both have a child from a pervious relationship and we hangout with the kids at a park and their be time we have playful fighting like we did when we were together and his son always tells me that he wants to come to mine place, and their been time just us two. we gone hiking, go carting together, i still about him everyday and hope he doing ok and I give him space, I can really say that I do still have feeling for him and still hoping that maybe one day we can get back together, but sometimes I hold on my feeling inside. we have talk about when were in a relationship before, and he told me that he wasn’t ready, so now that we are friends we talk about sometimes personal issue and sometimes with women that he has been with and sometimes when he bring about these women it kind of hurt in a way but i do understand that we are not together. i shouldn’t be act like i’m his girlfriend when I’m not but his friend. I guess I’m having a hard time letting go of what we had and wishing that one day it will happen again….

    October 6, 2014 at 6:27 am #66033
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi,

    He’d have to be really socially unaware to bring up other women around you. He’s doing it to keep you jealous. Just say when he brings up other women, “What was I before, chopped liver? Not cool.” Or, you can bring up your own other men. Or, if you don’t want to deal with him at all, do the “Slow Fade” after every time he brings up other women.

    Other than that, personally, I believe that the kids come first, and you shouldn’t really date or see someone when the kids are around. Maybe I’d invite him to parties I’d throw so there’s no One on One time. That’s a friend, not a quasi-platonic buddy at the park.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.
    October 6, 2014 at 9:40 am #66036
    Jessenia
    Participant

    Hi Inky, Thank you for responding and taking the time for reading my topic

    I see and understand what you mean, and I did feel like that when he told me about a women that he was with, it did hurt me in a way, and tried to understand why would he tell me that, or what are intension for him saying that? I know in my head I’ve asked myself could be trying to see how would I react or what would I say ? maybe he was trying to make me jealous i don’t know i could only assume, in the end I really didn’t say Much to him about that subject and told him i don’t wanna know about that , and just let it go to another subject.. me being his ex girlfriend i don’t wanna hear that… and i understand that’s not alright to bring up those kind of subject especially with when I’m his ex girlfriend,

    October 6, 2014 at 9:59 am #66037
    Jodi
    Participant

    It sounds like you may have jumped into being his friend a bit quickly. Being friends with an ex can be hard, even when you no longer have feelings for them. Perhaps a more loving thing to do for yourself would be to pull back from trying to be his friend and let yourself heal and grieve. (You certainly want to be friendly, if you run into one another, but you don’t have to hang out) Give yourself the gift of allowing time to get over the feelings of loss and possibly even move onto someone who is a better match for you.

    October 6, 2014 at 10:41 am #66038
    Inky
    Participant

    Well if he said he didn’t have time for a girlfriend, maybe he’s second guessing his decision, and is testing the waters ~ very unskillfully! But you don’t need a guy who’s a Waffler. Keep him in The Friend Zone.

    October 6, 2014 at 10:52 am #66040
    Jessenia
    Participant

    Hello Jodi,

    Thank you for responding to my post, from reading your post it did hit me, I didn’t give myself the space I needed for myself, and I gave him his space but I didn’t had a chance to give my own space that I needed to heal, I can say after a week we broke up we hangout with the kids and it was hard to tell him and interact with him after a week of the break up , at that moments it was very the hardest thing I face in a break up, but after that I cried by myself at that moment but right now I don’t know if he has feeling toward me anymore, well him being other women i really don’t think he does. its been a while since we been together and we haven’t hangout since July of this past year, we still talk and text each and call each other from time to time and always text me if i watch a show that we like watching but i do understand what your saying it’s time be selfish and take my time and my space for healing and consider looking something even better then me and my ex had Thank you Jodi

    October 6, 2014 at 11:23 am #66042
    Jessenia
    Participant

    Yah very true Inky, he did had a trust issue and told me himself that he didn’t trust no one, and when he broke up with me because our daily schedule was going to change, i work during the day a regular hours work schedule Monday thru Friday and he work a evening schedule from 2pm to 10 pm and his days off were Wednesday and Thursday and we used to chill after he was done with his shift. his son and my son are about the same age. his son is a couple months older then my son and they were going to be starting to go to school k grade and he the type of person he would rather take care of his son rather someone (even if he was in a relationship with someone) he wouldn’t leave him with no one but his family members, so he changed to evening to graveyard to take and pick him up from school, and at the time he was dealing with ex wife and going to court for their son and keep fight over pointless things (i think) and was already making plans to go back to school the next term , so he told me that we weren’t going to have time for each other anymore and knowing how he think he didn’t think he could trust me….so he broke up with me, and i told him that i really care for him and i really wanted to make this work but he told me that we should take a break and see if this is really what we wanted and a few month later i asked him where do we stand and he told me that he wanted to be friends and he wasn’t ready for a girlfriend and gave him his space and been trying to let go what we had and Hoping that maybe one day we can get back together hoping that their is still a chance…..

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