Making things up

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    I am writing about a problem that I run into from time to time and that invests me way too much emotionally.

    Years ago I got to know a friend of mine through the same musical hobby we share.
    I soon started to realize that he constantly lied to me but he had more power than me to get gigs, so I trusted him.
    Always convinced this guy was/is a fraud I started to hint people about it but they obviously gave him the benefit of the doubt.

    This guy has ever put me in my own shadow and always make me think to the second. I think I wanted to impress him anyway.

    We both had a show together in London and things got quite out of hand with me being paranoid as I was awake for a long time. I heard people including a very good friend of mine (which dismissed me on that day as I told her about the crush on her that I am having) say cruel things to me which later turned out to be just in my head.

    I am still encountering problems with trust to people until today. I started to get really introspective and tell people rather about my own problems instead of theirs though this girl, we started to get really deep friends and talk a lot but I can’t believe to trust her.
    She always tells me how she would love to hangout by ourselves and whenever I bring up the topic then she doesn’t answer.
    She usually let’s me speak on Skype although I feel bad about just telling my own stuff.

    The constant liar guy told me a few times to not believe her as she’s just playing with me, he didn’t say why though and the fact that she’s abroud would be too much stress for someone to just play around with somebody else. I once confronted her with that but she was really angry

    She obviously seems to like me, as none of my other friends ever told me to stop talking to her. I just don’t get why I get a) too emotionally invested and b) can’t stop believing this friend of mine who is obviously lying to anybody else too (for whatever reason)

    I feel that she might be just using me for a giggle and not take things seriously even though she thanked me for helping her grow. She might just want to care too much about everyone she knows. Sometimes I feel that she might not listen to what I say and ask again and again and that whenever I bring some deep topics up ignores them completely. She has obviously better, local friends than me which makes me doubt everything a lot. It’s just the fact that when I go abroad and visit my friends that I might be left in ridicule as they also know her.

    Sometimes I also feel that she might just avoid to hangout and just wants to fool me around because I am being stupid but maybe I am just making it all up.

    I just don’t want to be end too emotionally invested.


    Hi thirdear,

    The obvious solution is to just drop them both. Cut your hanging out with them by half. And then when you do see them have it be for a few hours rather than the whole night. And if you’re physical with the girl turn it down by a lot.

    You will then be in higher demand, they’ll be wondering about you. They can’t say anything bad about you because they wouldn’t know ~ you’re not around! And you won’t be calling them, and not seeing them as much so they will appreciate you more.

    But the true answer is to drop them both and replace them with higher quality people to be friends with.

    Good Luck,



    Make an investment in yourself by focusing your energy and time on relationships that are going to serve you better in the long run. It doesn’t sound as if these two are doing that.


    • This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Jodi.

    Letting go is always the best option when dealing with those who do not contribute joy to your life.

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