July 25, 2017 at 5:47 pm #160196
I have been trying to recover from a breakup and getting better each day, though slowly.
What bothers me is I tend to be really depressed in the morning after I wake up. No matter how well-adjusted I was the night before, if almost feels like everything starts fresh the next day. It’s like a loop that I can never get out of.
Yesterday I was so determined to put everything behind and move forward. Today right after I woke up, I have been thinking about my ex and wanting him to be back again. This painful process frustrates me so much.
Has anyone also experienced the same thing? Any advice will be very appreciated.July 26, 2017 at 5:15 am #160238ElianaParticipant
Yes, I experienced this, when I had my break-up. My thoughts would race right before bed. II couldn’t sleep, I tried everything, but I kept dwelling over the “I should have” “what if I had been a better girlfriend” “should I wrote to him”, “I miss him so much, cuddling with him”..it took me about 2 hours to fall asleep. What helped me was to write down all my anxious and depressing thoughts down, so that way they would be out of my head on paper.
I would find myself again, waking up at 4am, thinking about him, just wanting him to be with me so much. No matter how hard I tried, I had all these anxious thoughts, I barely slept, the anxiety manifested into depression. My therapist put me on Ambien for sleep, and Klonopin and Busphar for anxiety. I was already on antidepressants, but still depressed over him. We tend to think most in the mornings upon waking, which may be a factor of anxiety and depression.
It took me two years to get over him. Everyone is different, but it will and does get better. Sometimes it will feel you are taking three steps back and one step forward, but that is part of the healing process. I know I read alot of self-help books during that time just to get my mind off of him. Yes, depression does seem to hit hard in the mornings but be patient with yourself, and one day you will wake up not thinking about him anymore.July 26, 2017 at 5:24 am #160242
At this point you waking up depressed because of depressing thinking is a habit, a habit-of-the-mind, what you referred to as “a loop”. Like any habit, it will keep going unless you replace it with a new habit. If you choose a new morning habit to replace the existing one, the new habit will take hold soon enough. A new morning habit can be anything from listening to a particular music to guided meditation, a brisk walk, a hot bath, and so on. You can experiment with different new morning habits and see which one is a good replacement.
anitaJuly 27, 2017 at 6:41 pm #160682
Hello Eliana and Anita
I took your suggestions and started new habits. It’s been only two days but I can already tell the differences.
During the day, whenever time allows, I read and write down my own thoughts, share with friends in possible.
I changed my morning habits completely by practicing mindfulness – doing body scan before getting out of the bed. It’s been very helpful and I think I will keep doing it.
Thanks so much for sharing!July 27, 2017 at 8:42 pm #160688ElianaParticipant
This is fantastic news! I’m so glad you are doing better. Keep up the good work. Feel free to post anytime.July 28, 2017 at 5:40 am #160712
You are welcome. Some mornings the practice of the previous morning may not work, so have a few practices to choose from. If one doesn’t work, go to the next.
anitaJuly 29, 2017 at 4:45 pm #160996MarkParticipant
Thinking about focusing on the hope for your next partner as you remember the things about the person you are trying to get over that you didn’t like can really help snap the idealizations we tend to create of people we are trying to move on from. Maybe you can create a routine in the morning that fills your morning with things you love instead of tired periods of depression. As soon as you feel the depression start to settle, go and do something you love to do.
As you move on, perhaps you can focus on becoming the person you want to become instead of thinking about the things that you wish were different. You can create a list of goals and steps that will lead me toward the person you want to become in the future and move toward that person everyday. Progress can be a beautiful feeling.July 30, 2017 at 12:55 am #161018JustineParticipant
I read somewhere that when we wake up, we tend to remember the most important thing in our day.. or life, because it is during this time that our brain is in its most peaceful state. Just rewire your brain to another habit to help..July 30, 2017 at 6:39 am #161050ACEParticipant
I have the same problem. My emotionally abusive partner broke up with me just over a month ago and though I am learning everyday how bad he did actually treat me I wake up early hours of every morning missing him, missing the good times we did have, missing the person I thought he was, missing the cuddles. Since he left my body has been like its own little alarm clock, waking me up at the same time everyday. At first I would look at the clock and lay awake thinking and analysing over everything and what he was doing, who he was with. Now when I wake up in the early hours, I don’t even look at the time because I know what time it is, but I accept that I have woken up and reject all thoughts of him in the best way I can. Sometimes it takes me longer than other times but generally I do fall back to sleep. The problem is though that I am emotionally and mentally exhausted everyday. All I want to do is stay in bed and sleep because it doesn’t hurt when I sleep. Good luck.July 31, 2017 at 12:42 am #161196
First of all, I want to thank you for all suggestions and feedback.
My morning depression has improved a lot since I started practicing mindfulness in the morning when I first wake up. I still have some problems sleeping at night. So maybe trying a different habit before going to bed will help, too!July 31, 2017 at 4:11 am #161214
Glad your morning depression has improved. Keep practicing what worked, expecting it to not work as well some mornings, and so, have a few practices to choose from on any particular morning, so when one doesn’t work, you can experiment with the other. Same with night time.