Dear all/ Anita,

Hello! Merry Xmas!

it’s been a month or so since i last updated. I feel like the break up was settled(it actually took less than half a year to feel this settle so I am pretty proud of myself 🙂 )hope you all are ok.

Taking a break

Just an update on my current situation:
1) I got two cats(siblings, originally thinking to just foster, but feel like i am quite used to them around, and I think they have bonded with me quite well, within 1 month’s time)
2) I didn’t get a tattoo, feels like this is a step that I am not ready to take yet

In terms of relationship, emotionally i feel quite settled with my ex now. Her family got some issues and we had a brief chat on things, I don’t feel particularly disturbed or upset, basically just caring for a friend type of feelings. So, I feel that i am quite settled.

Something happened just before Xmas, which I want to share though.
There is this new, young(just 28, I am in my early 40’s) colleague who approached me around 2 weeks ago. Initially we just chatted over text but there was one day she went into my room, talked about some random work stuff, and then we began to talk about more personal issues. She seemed to be very curious of how i am as a person, we basically know a lot of our past love lives and our current lives, and we got on really well too , and I think we keep talking to each other every day since then(till today)

Fast forward, I realized although she was officially single(the other woman denied having any relationship with her), but in reality, their lives were so intertwined and that practically they were together. I only realized this on Xmas Eve, we spent Xmas eve together at my place and the woman called her, asking where she was(by then i realized the situation was a lot more complicated than being single).

On Xmas day, she said she and that woman had a fight and would no longer be able to continue anything between them(relationship? Friendship?). She was quite devastated, so I offered to accompany her that night.
She spent Xmas night at my place until late night, she almost slept at my place but i asked her to go home, as her mom called her asking of her whereabout, expecting her to go home.
on that night, we hugged each other etc. We didn’t kiss or went further, but things were pretty heated up.
The next day, i told her very directly, that we were getting close pretty quickly, I like her and am interested in her, but i think we need more time to explore and get to understand each other. On top, she needs to settle her issue with the other party. She agreed and understood, and she said she had good impression of me and would like to explore and get to know me more.

But then, two days later, she and that woman resumed contact and was thinking to try out to be friends at least for now, my colleague admitted she wanted to see if they could be together eventually, but eventually they argued again just the next day, and they ‘broke up again’, only a day later.

I tried to avoid getting involved in this mess, I tried to stay out of it on the day she told me she would try again with the woman. By distancing her a bit, by replying sporadically, But later she said she was crying etc upon ‘breaking up(second time within 5 days)’,i started talking to her a bit again to comfort her.

I find her attractive, she is very caring and emotive, unlike my ex who compartmentalizes. She is also witty and has a good sense of humor. Her vision of future(getting married) align with mine.
But she seems distracted, and she seems not making plans with me(which i feel is a red flag also, possibility emotionally unavailable at this state)

She has currently ‘broken up’ with the woman, but at the back of my mind i think her attachment to the woman is so strong, that she would go back anytime.
I think at this stage, being friends/ just a random colleague is better. But I am having a hard time to position myself. I have some attachment on her for now(just 2 weeks I guess i can settle it). I could have just told her that i needed some space to adjust my feelings for her(back to friends), but I am probably need her help to stop talking to me to make it easier, which means i have to say it out loud.
But this seems hard given we work in the same company(but we usually just see each other once a week so that’s ok i guess). And in general i can’t just ignore her,I am more superior than her and that I might get involved with her work as well

For now, my thinking are:
1) She is trying to find some comfort elsewhere, from her current ‘ex-partner’. Their relationship sounds pretty toxic to me and she also knows there is no way out
2) She is interested in me but not so interested to a point where she can forget about her current ‘ex-partner’
3) my main concern is how she deals with relationship, she seems to be obsessed with the past situation and unable to see what it is at this very moment. While she is in a situationship with this woman, she would flirt with me. How should i expect if she is with me?(major red flag i guess?)
4) We talked about plans, but then things don’t seem to be confirmed, even if we do meet, they seem more last min plan(and I have a feeling I might just be a second choice?)

Seeing it all out, made me realized, this may not seem to be a good relationship to pursue? the next question would be, how do i position myself?

Any comments are welcomed. It’s still at budding stage so I think I can easily pull myself out. Or, I dunno wait and see
Have a great day.

Chau