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moving on maybe

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  • #206575
    Grace
    Participant

    So I’m pretty young to be dealing with this but still. I had this guy in my life who still goes to my school we are on the dance team together, so we see each other once in a while. So anyway, it was never a relationship where like we actually were a couple. But I might’ve fallen in love with him, first love type thing. I think a part of me still loves him and always will. so background on the relationship: we started out as friends and then just fell for each other, I don’t think I was ready to date and neither was he. So we had an on-off type of thing so we would talk to each other than kind of confess our feeling for each other, then it would be good, (honeymoon type of stage) then for some reason we would drift, that was the routine for a bit. He hurt me (emotionally,) a couple times but so did I, not in an abusive way FYI. Everything was pretty mutual. So out of the blue after a dance show, he kinda just kinda threw a rose towards me, and I’ve been pretty confused on what it meant, because like we hadn’t talked for 4 months. Since then we’ve talked but like its been a pretty dry convo, so I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t act like he is eager to catch up or reconnect. so what should I do? What did the rose mean?

    #206589
    Ik09
    Participant

    I will tell you something, since I have a few more years of experience in this kind of thing, Relationships are a serious affair. Casual Dating isn’t, since both parties know that they don’t want anything serious. And love is something different. At a younger age it is more about having someone to talk to and go out to the movies and stuff rather than committing for a lifetime and boys at this age are not even thinking about it and it is fair given they are still in school. Make sure you cut him off till you don’t feel anything for him and then maybe try being friends, it will diminish the charm he has over you in that manner.

    My sweetest, the “On and Off” relationship you mention leads us to nowhere and makes us go through a lot of mental trauma we do not deserve. I think you should tell him what you are doing that is – taking some time off everything to focus on yourself. DO NOT TALK to him during this time and let things cool off…. the first love and first infatuation are very similar. I am sure you will get better, If not I am right here to hear you vent! 🙂

    #206601
    Grace
    Participant

    Ugh, THANK YOU. ok, this is just what I needed to read. I’m honestly kind of mad because it is like why do u give someone a rose and not act on it? We have history and stuff together, so I’m kinda pissed. Like if he would have done something to make it clear what his intentions were I would be more enthusiastic to deal with this. It just threw me off quite a bit… I think its just one of those things where I just need to date myself for a while. It just gets kinda lonely, all of my friends are all in relationships, so I think I kinda force myself into something with him just to feel with someone, plus we were really good friends.

    #206629
    Ik09
    Participant

    Boys do all kinds of stuff they do not mean but that is only when they are not serious enough. Listening to you I feel he is confused about his feelings and confusion means there is nothing you can do to help him out. It is only him that can help himself out.

    I can imagine how it would be when you try hanging out with your friends, their phones buzzing with texts and calls in between and maybe they even ditch you midway to go with their guy.

    You are angry and this is the right kind of emotion to distance yourself but do not hold on to it for very long. Indulge in something you like, your hobby, that requires nobody else but just you. If you live with your parents, try getting to know them more. Maybe focus on what exactly you want to do after college, I know nobody has a clear answer to that question. haha, I remember it took a lot of effort on my part to figure that out.

    I accept it is easier and more tempting to have someone next to you than traversing alone but you would need to go on this journey. Maybe connect with old friends on social media, or make new ones(not dangerous ones). Then you will have a phone buzzing with texts too..hehe

    #206681
    Grace
    Participant

    Yea that’s a really good point. Wow, thank you so much.

    #206689
    Grace
    Participant

    How should I move on from him? Sometimes I worry I should keep him around because he knows everything about me that I’ve never told anyone. I’m paranoid he’ll tell people. But he’s such a sweetheart, and we were such good friends, every time I’m not around/ friends with him I can’t help but miss him. He helped me when my house flooded, like who does that? Its gonna suck, but like what did the rose mean? does he miss me, was he messing with me? Just that night he threw me the rose, it brought back feelings I spent months forgetting.

    #206829
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Grace:

    I am wondering why you are “paranoid he’ll tell people”.

    Has he betrayed your trust before by telling people things you told him in private, or otherwise or did you tell him and only him things of extremely sensitive nature?

    anita

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