May 29, 2016 at 3:29 am #105890
So, me and my sister are wanting to get our own place together and our mums friend has a property she is willing to rent out to us. However (long story short) we have to wait 6 months.
Aside from being frustrated about having to wait and not having my own space yet etc, when we move in in december time, i will be three months off being 27.My sister will be about 22/23,i forget.
Anyway thats bugging me a little but,especially since im ready to move tomorrow, i just feel like this waiting is a waste of time and we’re kind of obligated to take the place now rather than just find somewhere else.May 29, 2016 at 5:01 am #105891InkyParticipant
You are in good company. 1/3 of Millennials are still living with their parents. I don’t know the details of the situation, but if you’re truly itching to get out of the family home, you can always couch surf at friends until December. OR proactively find another set-up sooner.
If you do stay and wait, I would pretend you are a guest in your mother’s home. Keep your items in order, bed made, dishes done, laundry folded and put away. Help with the chores, go food/drug store shopping for the family, pay rent. It will put everyone in the mindset that you aren’t just lounging around, that you have already emotionally left.
InkyMay 29, 2016 at 5:13 am #105892
Well i dont want to let my sister or my friends mum (who has done us a massive favour) down. Plus, i already do my own washing, cleaning, cook for the whole family,shop when i have to and pay rent etc etc.
Its just the fact that i will be that much older when i do move out thats bothering meMay 29, 2016 at 8:33 am #105897AnonymousGuest
What is the nature of the “massive favor” your mother’s friend did for you and your sister?
What about being almost 27 and living at home bothers you, as opposed to being 26 or 25?
anitaMay 29, 2016 at 11:24 am #105913
Well she offered us to take it when it came up for rent. Instead of going through an agency she would do it privately so save us all the fees and about £800 each. My sister has just started a new job though and i have some anxiety issues so she said do we want to wait 6 months to think about/get used to new job. She will rent it to someone else for 6 months and nearer the time, if we’d like to have it she will not extend their lease and we can move straight in.
With her as our landlord we’re saving so much money and we know that the place is clean, in good condition, and we can rely on her to fix things/help when things go wrong. However i know that if we decide no, the current tenant can stay on or it will be very easy round here to get someone else.
I dont know, i just feel like my time is slipping away from me,like i shouldnt be waiting to do something im really looking forward to doing (i keep dreaming about moving in!). at the same time, i have anxiety problems about moving out of my parents place and i know that other places will not let me have 6 months to think about it, ill have to decide in a week which is too much pressure for me.These 6 months are allowing me to get used to the idea, which i pretty much am, and the place is a 5 minute walk from home so it will be fine is things go wrongMay 29, 2016 at 4:21 pm #105932AnonymousGuest
When you suffer from anxiety, it is going to be difficult to make a change. It will be difficult whether you do it now or in six months. If you and your sister are able to move very soon, i would, if I was you. Then you deal with the anxiety as you move. With a bit of time, you will get used to the new place.
If you wait six months, you may have regrets throughout the six months for not already living there and then at the end of the six months you will be as anxious as you are now.
anitaMay 30, 2016 at 10:46 am #105996
Thank you, thats a very good point.
Im feeling better about things than i did yesterday and am feeling less of the anxiety around ‘oh my gosh i must move out now!’. I may regret waiting 6 months but me and my sister did agree that we would give her time to acclimate to her new job and save a bit more money first. Because im ready money wise, i feel i should be doing more sooner.
And everyone is reminding that 6 months is quicker than i think.May 30, 2016 at 11:09 am #106000AnonymousGuest
And you can do some healing during these six months. These six months don’t have to be time of passive waiting. In healing, I mean healing from anxiety, gaining insight into origins and learning and practicing skills to diminish it, enduring distress without automatically reacting to it and so forth.
anitaJune 4, 2016 at 12:55 pm #106504NekoshemaParticipant
i know the feeling. i wanted to get out of my town for years. the plan was finish college and leave. well college ended 8 years ago and i just moved away in March. i couldn’t move out on my own until i was 24/25, and thanks to my anxiety i was having a huge freak out. i’m the type that saves every penny, so to suddenly hand over 2000$ for first and last rent on top of paying bills, buying groceries, and being an adult, scared the life out of me, but it’s what i wanted to do and i’m glad i did. it’s also a good idea to do it in 6 months for a number of reasons, i packed and moved in a month, and trust me, some days i was energetic and packing, other days i was hyperventilating and terrified i couldn’t find work, lost my job, boyfriend couldn’t find work, we couldn’t pay rent, blah, blah, blah. having a 6 month window you can work towards the goal of moving. you can calculate costs, figure out a moving date, research moving companies [or just rent a UHaul and ask some friends to help. that costs gas money and pizza] you can also start de-cluttering and packing at a slow pace, and you can also begin handing out resumes so you have a job lined up for when you move [if you’re moving far away i mean]
but i also get that feeling of being stuck. it feels horrible, and it is the universes way of saying you should do something. ultimately it’s your call, you could go logically and wait, or throw caution to the wind and do it. talk with your sister [and your moms friend if you want] and do what you guys feel is best. you really don’t have anyone to answer to but yourself. yes, it’s wise to be considerate of others, but if you feel moving now is best and you simply cannot wait any longer, go for it, life’s an adventure after all.June 5, 2016 at 5:05 am #106534
Thanks for that, im exactly the same, especially the money bit!
Basically, i still have to wait for my sister to save more money and there’s not really alot of time to make it worth me moving out alone for a few months first, seems a waste of time and money for agency fees exactly. Im just gonna have to wait i guess, although i did make my sister promise that when the current tenant moves out in december, we will move in before xmas!!June 5, 2016 at 5:53 am #106536AnonymousGuest
Another reason to look forward to Christmas then! Post here anytime between now and Christmas, to help you wait and even prepare.
anitaJune 5, 2016 at 7:09 am #106541
The only other problem is that i can feel myself becoming a horrible person without my own space. As an introvert, i just want my own space and the only place i can have that is my room. If i go downstairs, into the kitchen, into the garden, there’s always someone there talking to me and i just snap at them. Its nothing to do with them, i just dont want any interaction. Me and my sister understand this about each other and when to talk/not to talk to each other and its fine. We can spend days together in silence and be happy with that. But my parents dont get it, they’ll talk and talk.
I was just in the garden with my book and my dads friends came over, made themselves comfortable in the garden, being loud and ive had to retreat back to my room. Even though i wasnt involved in the converstaion, it was still too much.June 5, 2016 at 9:30 am #106545AnonymousGuest
I can very much relate, have similar feelings myself. In fact I am expecting company soon and I am not looking forward to it. I suppose you will be spending a lot of time in your room. I hope your parents don’t bother you there, knock on your door if they don’t have to, or way worse: open your door without your permission.
In the garde (and other common areas): maybe you can get there when your parents are not around and until they return, take your privacy when you can get it- when they are not home.
Oh, and regarding being a “horrible person”- maybe they, who unlike your sister, do not listen to your expressed need to not be talked to and bothered… maybe they are the horrible people. You can’t help feeling disturbed by unwanted interactions. Can they not help disrespecting your feelings…
anitaJune 5, 2016 at 2:13 pm #106583Rose TattooParticipant
Oh, I so totally get the introvert thing. I really prefer to be myself, and when I’m surrounded by people for more than, say, a weekend, I get pretty cranky (at least internally: I try not to let it show, though I’m sure I do sometimes). And loud talk around me when I want to be quiet is really hard, even painful.
You’re not a horrible person. You have a brain that is wired to need a lot of alone time and to be sensitive to stimulus around you. Do what you can to get quiet time, and then maybe meditate or do other types of activities that help you not react in a negative way when you have other people around when you’d prefer to be alone. If people don’t understand your desire to have your own space, can you go somewhere outside of the house where you’re less likely to be bothered? I know it’s not ideal, but maybe for 6 months you could find a park or something where you can be alone with your thoughts and a book.