Dear aundrea29:

In efforts to be helpful, I have a few questions:

Is your father aware of the fact that you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks? Did you or anyone tell him and what was his response?

Would you say that his behavior throughout the years of your childhood caused your anxiety?

Is your mother living there with you and your father? What is her participation in all this?

And what happens in one year that you won’t have to deal with your father then?

anita

Hey!
You may think it’s not fair but it looks like it’s not just you but your father also needs love and support. Why is he like this? Is he sad? Is he stressed at work?

My dad had a difficult relationship with my mother, me and a terrible relationship with my brother. He has passed away. Though I have some problems with him, as an adult I understand he had his limitations and sadness.

There is no replacement for the relationship with parents. If you can fix it then it will do both of you good. If not, then keep a distance – what else to do :/

Nothing happened. So there is no need for panic. You wanted to wash the dish later; that’s okay. There was no need for yelling and screaming but even if he did, it’s okay. It’s scary but nothing happened.

Parents are the biggest guides and support for children. Sometimes that doesn’t happen. Then you may become confused and lost. If you can’t find in your father the guide who can keep you grounded then you’ll have to look elsewhere – a teacher, a grandparent, an uncle, an aunt?

Become an adult, stand on your own feet, nothing can happen to you. You are in control of yourself. Do something you like which is constructive and with a welcoming company. You just need to learn to not feel pressure.

sometimes there’s nothing you can do. if you haven’t already, you should sit your father down and calmly explain the situation. many people who’ve never experienced mental/emotional issues like panic attacks won’t understand [what do you have to be depressed about? you’ve got all this stuff, so stop being so sad] on the other hand, try seeing it from his point of view, here’s his child in pain and there’s nothing he can do and that’s frustrating. a family counselling session might help. try to be civil and work through it if possible, if you’re only planning to stay one more year, but if it’s really terrible for you, you might have to consider moving early.

i can kind of relate, i’ve dealt with panic attacks, anorexia, anxiety, depression [at one point i would punch myself because the physical pain would distract me from my emotional pain] my mom never understood, she would normally ignore it, or she would try to help but if i didn’t get better within a short period of time she would explode and demand i stop being depressed, anxious, eat my dinner. [i have foot problems and i sometimes can hear my mom in my mind demand i stop limping and walk normal.] i’m not upset with my mom, she just had her own issues at the time, as well as my grandparents don’t really talk about emotional/mental problems [i found out once i was diagnosed that a lot of people in my family have anxiety, depression, even some bi-polar, they just say the persons ‘blue today’, or they’ve got ‘mountain disease’] coupled with being upset her child was hurting and there wasn’t anything she could do. it’s not the right response, but you can sympathise somewhat. i don’t live at home anymore, and my mom has started a lot of self-love, so she no longer snaps at me, and things have improved.

try and focus on the good times with your father, and when you feel an attack coming, go into the other room for a moment, or explain to him you need a moment and will return. you might still have the occasional outburst, but if the two of you can sit and talk calmly i’m sure things will be better.