my father tells he is tired of my emotions

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This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 10 months ago by Nekoshema.

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May 29, 2016 at 6:17 pm #105943

Aundrea
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i am an 18 year old girl. i’m going to be emotional and hormonal. today i was in the middle of a panic attack and my dad yells at me to clean one dish i had. i didn’t want to tell he i was having a panic attack because i didn’t want to deal with him telling me there is nothing to panic about or to tell me to get over it. i told him no that i wasn’t going to clean it and to give a minute, i needed to calm down before i did anything. i come back and he starts to tell me that he tired of my emotions and attitudes and i never appreciate him and i don’t do anything around the house and i always make a mess of things.he just kept yelling until i ran to my room. he doesn’t realize that his yelling and words affect me a lot. i don’t know what to do anymore. how am i going to deal with this for another year?

May 29, 2016 at 6:30 pm #105945

Anonymous
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Dear aundrea29:

In efforts to be helpful, I have a few questions:

Is your father aware of the fact that you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks? Did you or anyone tell him and what was his response?

Would you say that his behavior throughout the years of your childhood caused your anxiety?

Is your mother living there with you and your father? What is her participation in all this?

And what happens in one year that you won’t have to deal with your father then?

anita

May 30, 2016 at 2:49 am #105969

Maria_L
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Hello, aundrea!!

I also kind of ‘stopped’ when you wrote panic attack. This was kind of my life story with my mother, always found her reasons to be emotionally abusive, and blow off some steam on me (never my sister or anyone else though, just with me).And mostly her excuse were stupid little domestic things, like cleaning. And I focused on that issue for such a long time with such intensity, so I didn’t give attention to the panic attack situation.

But when I moved out and she wasn’t an issue anymore, that’s when I realized how serious they were, much bigger problem than her. She was gone, but anxiety stayed and panic attacks stayed. They changed me, paralyzed me, made me something that I am not. The smiling, brave and positive girl was gone, all that was left of me was a shadow of that girl, living in constant fear of the next attack. Scared of being alone, going somewhere new.. I don’t wanna scare you, just as someone who is fast-forward 12 years later from your situation, I wanna give you some insight. If left untreated, they can really make your life difficult. They will go away (doesn’t mean you’ll live every day with this), but they may return in bursts, and though they can’t harm you physically and you can’t ‘go crazy’ from them, they can rip you off from peaceful rewarding life. And you only live once, you deserve the best life you can have.

I don’t know what causes them in your case, maybe it’s a mix of hormones, sensitive nature and constant stress. Try to talk to your father when he is in a good mood, and explain to him that you might be developing anxiety and panic disorder because of his meaningless complaining and yelling. That the dirty dish isn’t worth your health. That you need help, and most of all his help. If he isn’t understanding and thinks you are over reacting, seek for help elsewhere. I have tried every method to battle them, and few things that can really help are: cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), physical aerobic workout, and from supplements magnesium and strong vitamin b-complex (especially b3 vitamin). There is much more to this, these are just the first few basic things. And if feels so wonderful and rewarding when you come to the point that they no longer can harm you, you are not scared of the next one, cause you know how to deal with it. You learn and train how to calm yourself in every situation, even with your father. All these various methods increase dopamine and endorphin, so you might end up feeling better than ever before.

If possible, try to shift your focus on yourself than your father, you have too.. There is a chance he won’t change, but that doesn’t mean that he should change you for worse. Try to forgive him one day in future when you are ready, cause parents often cause us pain cause that have never experienced happiness themselves.. that will set you free 🙂

May 30, 2016 at 5:49 am #105974

Ankita
Participant

Hey!
You may think it’s not fair but it looks like it’s not just you but your father also needs love and support. Why is he like this? Is he sad? Is he stressed at work?

My dad had a difficult relationship with my mother, me and a terrible relationship with my brother. He has passed away. Though I have some problems with him, as an adult I understand he had his limitations and sadness.

There is no replacement for the relationship with parents. If you can fix it then it will do both of you good. If not, then keep a distance – what else to do :/

Nothing happened. So there is no need for panic. You wanted to wash the dish later; that’s okay. There was no need for yelling and screaming but even if he did, it’s okay. It’s scary but nothing happened.

Parents are the biggest guides and support for children. Sometimes that doesn’t happen. Then you may become confused and lost. If you can’t find in your father the guide who can keep you grounded then you’ll have to look elsewhere – a teacher, a grandparent, an uncle, an aunt?

Become an adult, stand on your own feet, nothing can happen to you. You are in control of yourself. Do something you like which is constructive and with a welcoming company. You just need to learn to not feel pressure.

May 30, 2016 at 7:56 am #105992

Ankita
Participant

I’ll also add that cliché as it sounds, men are like that. They don’t really see the value in emotions and softness. Not all, not always bit usually they are rough. Maybe that’s why your father says he can’t take your emotions. What about your mother?

Don’t worry, it’ll be alright.

June 4, 2016 at 10:39 am #106497

Nekoshema
Participant

sometimes there’s nothing you can do. if you haven’t already, you should sit your father down and calmly explain the situation. many people who’ve never experienced mental/emotional issues like panic attacks won’t understand [what do you have to be depressed about? you’ve got all this stuff, so stop being so sad] on the other hand, try seeing it from his point of view, here’s his child in pain and there’s nothing he can do and that’s frustrating. a family counselling session might help. try to be civil and work through it if possible, if you’re only planning to stay one more year, but if it’s really terrible for you, you might have to consider moving early.

i can kind of relate, i’ve dealt with panic attacks, anorexia, anxiety, depression [at one point i would punch myself because the physical pain would distract me from my emotional pain] my mom never understood, she would normally ignore it, or she would try to help but if i didn’t get better within a short period of time she would explode and demand i stop being depressed, anxious, eat my dinner. [i have foot problems and i sometimes can hear my mom in my mind demand i stop limping and walk normal.] i’m not upset with my mom, she just had her own issues at the time, as well as my grandparents don’t really talk about emotional/mental problems [i found out once i was diagnosed that a lot of people in my family have anxiety, depression, even some bi-polar, they just say the persons ‘blue today’, or they’ve got ‘mountain disease’] coupled with being upset her child was hurting and there wasn’t anything she could do. it’s not the right response, but you can sympathise somewhat. i don’t live at home anymore, and my mom has started a lot of self-love, so she no longer snaps at me, and things have improved.

try and focus on the good times with your father, and when you feel an attack coming, go into the other room for a moment, or explain to him you need a moment and will return. you might still have the occasional outburst, but if the two of you can sit and talk calmly i’m sure things will be better.
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