My heart hurts

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This topic has 7 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 11 years ago by Rashmi.

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October 16, 2013 at 8:37 am #43870

coruja
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I’m a 31 year old woman who is struggling with the end of a relationship. It lasted four years and he broke up with me 4 months ago. It has been very difficult for me, I feel that along with the normal feelings of loss and grief that happen in a situation like that I have added extra sad feelings as rejection, failure and loss of direction in life (I’m slowly getting that back with new plans)…

Recently it came to my knowledge that he went back to a womanizer behavior that he had before we started our relationship. It felt like I was being hit in the heart with a sledgehammer. Until then I felt that even though our relationship was over, it was still something meaningful that happened where love and respect was shared and cherished.

Now I feel like all this time together meant nothing for him. That all the love I gave was as the same as nothing. I also makes me feel like a mess to know that while I sometimes have to make an effort to get out of bed and through the day he is sleeping with every single woman he can find. It’s very sad. It’s like all these years I spent beside him were erased into nothing. It took away the meaning the relationship had for me. Not only because he is doing this, but specially the way it’s been done and how public he is making it be.

I’m feeling a physical pain in my heart and I’m really worried about it, Sometimes it hurts through my chest all the way to my back. I’m scared this might turn into an actual illness as I have a tendency to get physically ill after emotional stress. I have to take an ECG test for a new job and I’m really scared and worried about it. Any idea of what I could do to make this pain go away?

I feel like everything it’s so unfair. I gave nothing but love to this person, I saw the good side of him from the day we met and believed in him and now all I got was a wounded heart and a mind full of fears and worries.

October 16, 2013 at 10:25 am #43878

reha
Participant

Dear Coruja

Please don’t let no man hurt you. In particular, a man who is not worth hurting over and wants you to feel this way. He obviously was not the right person for you and did not see the beauty within you. Sometimes it is so annoying and frustrating to let man take over control of your life causing you to lose your identity. You are unique in your own way and the right person will come at the right time and when this person does come you will know. I too am a woman who has been through a devastating marriage with constant abuse and all types of torture and which after 12 years of marriage and 2 children I put a stop to. I tried, I gave, I honoured and I trusted but in return I got NOTHING than that of the aforementioned. There’s a saying that goes somewhat like this “one persons loss is another persons gain”. Believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason. You will overcome this feeling and pain and when you do, it will be the most amazing experience. Start by realising that this is probably the best thing that guy ever did. He set you free. Keep your head held high, take pride in the way you look, feel good within yourself. When this guy passes by you and sees that you are so focused and him breaking up with you has done nothing more than make you look and feel amazing, he will feel the pain himself.

Its okay to cry, its okay to feel sick and be physically sick. What isn’t okay is to let such people make you feel like your worth nothing because you yourself know that you are.

Love
Reha x

October 16, 2013 at 10:45 am #43879

WonderLast
Participant

I, too, am dealing with a recent breakup, and I can relate to having physical pain. I have a tendency to focus in on tiny little things that remind me of him and replay them over and over. When I do this, I can feel my heart quicken and everything starts to hurt. I think it’s important to to take some nice deep breaths and maybe a short walk if possible. I’ve also had some luck with visualizing letting my thoughts go (sending them up in little balloons is what works for me).

I’m sorry he’s behaving in such a way in a public fashion, but I don’t think you should take that as a reflection on your relationship. Most importantly you know what you felt, and you shouldn’t worry about how he feels now. I think it’s useful to focus on yourself. If it’s any consoloation at all, I know what you’re going through. It hurts when our daily life changes so radically and our plans for the future are taken away. I’m happy to hear you are making new plans. Today a friend said to me “things have a way of picking up,” and I think he’s right. Hang in there.

October 16, 2013 at 1:29 pm #43882
Macintosh
Participant
I feel your pain and understand exactly, all that heart hurt, the body aches from head to toe, physical pain that gives you health anxiety, makes your head spin and obsess about it all. So sorry that you’re going through this. Keep writing out your thoughts and reading articles on how to get over someone who broke your heart. it’s so helpful to know that others out there get what you’re going through!

One article that really helped me is called “I miss him but I don’t think he misses me”, lovepanky.com. Google that, keep reading it, cry and grieve the loss until you can’t cry anymore.

I agree with Wonder, this isn’t about you or anything you did or didn’t do, this is his immature way of acting and handling things. Don’t minimize what you two shared, obviously it was something special since it lasted for four years. Not saying you minimized it, just don’t read into his actions and make yourself think he is or has. You meant a lot to him, and probably still do but he’ll never admit that, as some guys have egos that take over and they won’t show their true and real emotion to anybody after a break up. He changed and it wasn’t anything you did or caused. Unfortunately sometimes people fall out of love, or they just aren’t ready to commit forever. Just know that as time goes on you will feel better! Trust me on that, it does get better.
- This reply was modified 11 years ago by Macintosh.
October 16, 2013 at 9:51 pm #43901

Sapnap3
Participant

Hi,

Just remember “this too shall pass”. I went out with a guy for a year and a half and 4 months after he left me, i still cry everyday. I will tell you that it is better than it was a month ago and lot better then month before or month before.

What you ex and my ex has done or are doing is their problem. everything outside of us is not our problem.

Try meditating. Every time i am overwhelmed by sadness, I meditate. I do “guided metta meditation”. Youtube it. its really helpful.

I hope you find peace and some solace in everything my fellow TB sisters have said above.

Much love
Namaste

October 17, 2013 at 11:50 am #43919

donnie6
Participant

Hi
I know the pain you talk about with your heart, ive had the same pain and still have it now but you learn to deal with it. It takes a long time to get over it and i dont think you do ever get over the loss you just learn to accomadate it. The feelings of rejection and failure are consuming but your love was pure and you should be proud of yourself for being able to give that. I wish you well in your journey and you will be alright.

October 17, 2013 at 8:45 pm #43961

Sonja
Participant

I am going through a very similar situation and guess what we are the same age I’m 31 too. 5 year relationship.YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
The pain you describe that you feel in your heart, I personally know how much it hurts. You sound like a very energy sensitive person like me – major emotional stress for me manifests into a physical problem too. Try being easy on yourself, allow yourself to grieve the loss of the 4 year relationship. Your ex and the way he is acting will have its own consequences on his life, but it is true it is his problem not yours. He probably wont have a meaningful loving relationship with the way he is acting. You on the other hand will in time…. Time is the best healer. For me personally each month (although each day is still difficult) has gradually got a little better. It will get better with time I promise….
Try breathing and a yoga class. If you can’t get out of bed to go to yoga google “alternate nostril breathing” it helps regulate your nervous system to settle down a bit. I am currently using crystals to help me. Rose Quartz is the best to heal the heart. You can easily purchase this online it isn’t expensive $10 maybe? I hold it before bedtime in my hand and it helps my heart.
Talking it out helps me too. Forums like this will help you, keep reaching out we are all here for you.

You did not do anything wrong. You are beautiful. Sending you love.

October 17, 2013 at 11:00 pm #43972

Rashmi
Participant

I’m sorry that you’re in so much pain but you have to realize that what this other person says or does is outside of your control. The only person you have total control over is yourself. Whenever you feel like you just cant make it, tell yourself this is only temporary. Life is fluid it flows and it is everything you make it out to be. As difficult as it maybe to see the positive side of a tragedy, force yourself to see the light. When you have the time please check out our blog http://lovingboldly.com/

Much love and light
Rashmi
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